Robot With Human Hair
Chapter Three
Everyone had thought I self harmed for attention. But I didn't. I would never. I still remember the first time I had done it. It was a little over a year ago. My mom was in the hospital. She had gotten in a car wreck.
I was sitting in my room that night finishing my Spanish homework. I sucked at Spanish, but I needed to get my credit for it. I would sit in my room every night for hours trying to understand it. I was just finishing up when I heard the phone ring. My dad answered it. I put my head against my door and listened. I was so scared it was my teacher calling to tell him I was failing 2 of my classes. But it wasn't. I stood there with my head pressed against the door and continued to listen. All I heard was my dad yelling. It wasn't really an angry yell; it was more of a crying yell. Like he was upset.
I can remember the words my dad had told my brother; almost as if they were just said, "Your mom..."
He trembled as he talked, barely making out the words clear enough to be understood, "She got in a car wreck... she's... in the hospital."
I sank to the floor as I heard the words. Tears filled my eyes. I tried to hold them in, but I just couldn't. I rushed out of my room and downstairs to find my dad. "Dad! What's going on?"
He looked down at me with hurt eyes. "We need to go to the hospital. Now!"
I remember seeing my mom in the hospital bed. She was unconscious. I was scared. I had never been so scared in my life. Beside her lied the person who hit her. He has just broken his leg. Lucky bastard. Isn't it ironic how the person who rams their car into someone else’s is the one who barely gets hurt? And the one who was doing nothing wrong gets hurt and drug through hell.
I pulled up a chair and laid my head in my hands. Why is this happening to me? I mean I'm not a bad person, I swear. Sure I've lied before but everyone has, right?
My dad and brother put on their jackets, "Are you coming, Alex?"
I looked up at my dad, my eyes bloodshot red, "No. Not tonight."
"Call me if you need anything."The tone in his voice killed me even more. They both left and I was alone.
I stared at my mom. I spoke aloud, "What if this is the last time I get to see you? What if I never get to talk to you again? What if you don't make it...? I can't live without you. It's like having a best friend your whole life and than them just leaving.... This isn't right. This isn't fair." A wiped the tears off my face and grabbed another Kleenex.
"Those are a lot of what ifs."
I turned around to find the teenager that caused my mom to be in the hospital.
I cleared my throat, "Why are you talking to me."
"Well why not?" He had a confused look, like he had done something wrong. Maybe he didn't know what happened.
I walked over to his bed, "Do you know who that is over there? I pointed to my mom.
He frowned, "Obviously it's someone you care about. Someone you don't want to lose."
"It's my Mom. And it's because you hit her with your car."
His eyes got big, like he was about to cry, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."
I looked away, "That's what they all say." I started to walk away.
He grabbed my arm, "Please don't leave me. I'm sorry that it's my fault. I was just hurt. I went out for a drive. I wasn't thinking. Okay? Please..."
I turned around and looked at him, "Why?"
He choked on his words but slowly began to talk, "It's been exactly a year since my Mom passed away. She killed herself. A year ago..."
A tear ran down his cheek, "Hey, I don't know your name but I want you to have this." He reached around his neck and took off a necklace that had an anchor on it. He grabbed my wrist and placed it in my hand. "My dad gave me this because I was going through a hard time. It had a cute quote in the box it came in. It said: 'Be the one to guide me, but never to hold me down."
I put it around my neck, "What does that mean."
"In simpler forms it means you're strong... I always thought of it as in, I refuse to sink."
It was nearly 3 in the morning. I had gone to the bathroom to cry once again. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something. I searched my purse for something. I didn't know what I was looking for, just as long as it was sharp. I took out my car keys, which had a tiny pocket knife on them in case of "emergencies." Well, this was an emergency. I still remember the way it felt as I just pushed down on my arm. As the white mark immediately turned red. The cut bleeding nonstop....
That was a little over a year ago... and here I am again, in the same situation... I grabbed my necklace that hung around my neck and just thought about what that guy had told me... I refuse to sink.
I was sitting in my room that night finishing my Spanish homework. I sucked at Spanish, but I needed to get my credit for it. I would sit in my room every night for hours trying to understand it. I was just finishing up when I heard the phone ring. My dad answered it. I put my head against my door and listened. I was so scared it was my teacher calling to tell him I was failing 2 of my classes. But it wasn't. I stood there with my head pressed against the door and continued to listen. All I heard was my dad yelling. It wasn't really an angry yell; it was more of a crying yell. Like he was upset.
I can remember the words my dad had told my brother; almost as if they were just said, "Your mom..."
He trembled as he talked, barely making out the words clear enough to be understood, "She got in a car wreck... she's... in the hospital."
I sank to the floor as I heard the words. Tears filled my eyes. I tried to hold them in, but I just couldn't. I rushed out of my room and downstairs to find my dad. "Dad! What's going on?"
He looked down at me with hurt eyes. "We need to go to the hospital. Now!"
I remember seeing my mom in the hospital bed. She was unconscious. I was scared. I had never been so scared in my life. Beside her lied the person who hit her. He has just broken his leg. Lucky bastard. Isn't it ironic how the person who rams their car into someone else’s is the one who barely gets hurt? And the one who was doing nothing wrong gets hurt and drug through hell.
I pulled up a chair and laid my head in my hands. Why is this happening to me? I mean I'm not a bad person, I swear. Sure I've lied before but everyone has, right?
My dad and brother put on their jackets, "Are you coming, Alex?"
I looked up at my dad, my eyes bloodshot red, "No. Not tonight."
"Call me if you need anything."The tone in his voice killed me even more. They both left and I was alone.
I stared at my mom. I spoke aloud, "What if this is the last time I get to see you? What if I never get to talk to you again? What if you don't make it...? I can't live without you. It's like having a best friend your whole life and than them just leaving.... This isn't right. This isn't fair." A wiped the tears off my face and grabbed another Kleenex.
"Those are a lot of what ifs."
I turned around to find the teenager that caused my mom to be in the hospital.
I cleared my throat, "Why are you talking to me."
"Well why not?" He had a confused look, like he had done something wrong. Maybe he didn't know what happened.
I walked over to his bed, "Do you know who that is over there? I pointed to my mom.
He frowned, "Obviously it's someone you care about. Someone you don't want to lose."
"It's my Mom. And it's because you hit her with your car."
His eyes got big, like he was about to cry, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."
I looked away, "That's what they all say." I started to walk away.
He grabbed my arm, "Please don't leave me. I'm sorry that it's my fault. I was just hurt. I went out for a drive. I wasn't thinking. Okay? Please..."
I turned around and looked at him, "Why?"
He choked on his words but slowly began to talk, "It's been exactly a year since my Mom passed away. She killed herself. A year ago..."
A tear ran down his cheek, "Hey, I don't know your name but I want you to have this." He reached around his neck and took off a necklace that had an anchor on it. He grabbed my wrist and placed it in my hand. "My dad gave me this because I was going through a hard time. It had a cute quote in the box it came in. It said: 'Be the one to guide me, but never to hold me down."
I put it around my neck, "What does that mean."
"In simpler forms it means you're strong... I always thought of it as in, I refuse to sink."
It was nearly 3 in the morning. I had gone to the bathroom to cry once again. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something. I searched my purse for something. I didn't know what I was looking for, just as long as it was sharp. I took out my car keys, which had a tiny pocket knife on them in case of "emergencies." Well, this was an emergency. I still remember the way it felt as I just pushed down on my arm. As the white mark immediately turned red. The cut bleeding nonstop....
That was a little over a year ago... and here I am again, in the same situation... I grabbed my necklace that hung around my neck and just thought about what that guy had told me... I refuse to sink.