To Take a Chance

“Johnny! Johnny! Oh…Jonathan!” I laughed at the tall, lanky guy bursting into the kitchen.

I was currently in the kitchen were I was collecting Jimmy’s breakfast onto a tray, though a bit more quickly than usual. Nina was due to return this afternoon from visiting her aunt over seas, and I was having trouble holding back my excitement. I’ve grown quite fond of her over the fourteen years I’ve known her. She’s been a great friend to me and I have always felt protective of and very drawn to her. I even fear that there might feelings in me that feel deeper for her than that of a normal friend, which would be very inappropriate, being as she is engaged to our best friend, Jimmy.

“Good morning to you, too, James! Are you so ravenous that you couldn’t wait for me to serve you your breakfast in your room?” He just gave me a funny look and snatched the a couple muffins from his tray, before rushing of. I set the tray down on the counter and followed him to find him waiting for me at the back doors.

“Come on, Johnny dearest, we must hurry! I have something important to confess!”



“Wait up! Wait…for me, Jimmy!” I shouted as I was running out of breath.

“Well’ it’s certainly not my fault that you are vertically challenged with stubby little legs!” Jimmy shouted back as he laughed.

“Ha! You…must think…that you’re…hilarious!”

“Indeed, I am, Johnny boy!

“Whatever…you say…Jimbo!

I was trying to keep up with Jimmy as we ran towards the top of the hill just behind and beyond the Governor’s mansion. This spot was a place we usually came to think and to talk, and that’s not to mention the breath-taking view it had of the evergreen forest. Jimmy was hurrying me up here to tell me some ‘exciting’ news and I could just feel the curiosity building up inside of me.

“You’re full of yourself. …You do know that…don’t you?” I said as I finally caught up with him.

Jimmy was standing in the tall grass as he took in the view of the reds, oranges, greens, and browns of the trees below. It was late fall, the leaves on the trees were changing colors and beginning to drop down from their place on the branches. The air was quite cool with the light breeze that whipped through the morning air.

“So what is it that was so important that you had to have me chase you all the way up here, before you could properly eat your breakfast?” It was at that moment that the atmosphere changed; this, whatever it was that he wanted to talk about, was something serious.

“John, you know how Nina and I have been engaged since we were kids.” My ears perked at the mention of her name. I nodded. “Well, I’ve always seen her as my kid sister, after all, I’m seven years her senior. So, I’ve never actually planned on going through with the marriage...I wouldn’t want to marry a girl I’ve thought of as my sister!”

For some reason, what he was telling me was sparking some kind of…hope in me. I felt happy, but he wasn’t finished.

“However…she’s been writing me every week since she’s been gone to her aunt’s. She’s beginning to sound as if she is excited for us to wed. In fact, she mentioned about her mother having the top seamstress in all the colonies to make her dress...and, well…oh! I feel torn! I didn’t think that she wanted to go through with it, either. I thought that we had a mutual understanding about our relationship…that we both would go to our respective parents and demand our marital freedom!”

He sighed as he was in deep thought, I was beginning to think that he was ignorant of my being beside him; he was venting.

“At the same time, however, I don’t want to disappoint her on top of the disappointment that we would be causing both of our families. I mean, we are both good friends and we do care deeply about each other. Perhaps there is a part of her, and maybe even a part of myself, that can picture us together, as a couple. Perhaps, I should give I will give us a chance as a couple; after all…I make the engagement official tonight.” I felt my heart ache a bit.

Dear Diary,

I am almost home from visiting Aunt Beatrice’s home…or so that is what I told all of my friends, a half truth; only my parents know. The specialist believes that the treatments have worked, and truthfully, I do feel a bit better, but I’m afraid there are no guarantees. But enough of this dreadful subject, I am determined to be both positive and hopeful in spirit!

I have been writing James throughout the months, and as per request of my mother, I have discussed with him some details of our forthcoming wedding. Oh, but isn’t it exciting? Me… married to one of my best friends? … Well, I will admit to being excited, myself, but with out a doubt, my nerves are quite active at the thought. I could picture us in several years, two kids with another in my womb; me sitting on a bench on a spring day as he played with our children while I gently rubbed my protruding stomach. Even still, I have a hard time believing that it is Jimmy and I that are betrothed. We have always shared a protective-brother/sister relationship, and now…well…I am being forced to think of him differently.

Something else is on my mind, dear silent friend, and it is forbidden, especially by my mother. I do not think it wise to act upon these feelings; it could only lead to disaster. Yet…even so, I have a certain duty to my heart as well…do I not? Oh! Perhaps I should only shove away those thoughts of desire and longing, bury them, in a far-far away crevice in my mind. Just, maybe, maybe I will forget them.
~Nina

I may have no right to be in the mood that I’m currently in, but that doesn’t matter. Bitter jealous, a victim of pure envy; I was feeling all of that as I watched the two of them, my so-called best friends, dancing away as the romantic ‘couple’ while everyone stared at them. Their mothers were cooing in awe as their fathers were standing proud and content at their children who were now officially and publicly engaged; this was their engagement ball, after all. All of that earlier talk from Jimmy about how awkward it would be to be married to Nina, and here he was, looking at her the same way I always have… as if he was suddenly in-love with her!

It all started when she stepped out of her carriage, she had changed, grown in those short few months. Her long brown hair was neatly curled and partially pulled back underneath a small, pale green hat, showing off her ears where a single pearl rested on each one. Her chocolate-brown eyes showed gained-maturity while keeping their puppy-like charm. Her pinkish-rose-painted lips appeared plump and absolutely delectable, as she smiled with a certain confidence. As my eyes wondered down her long yet delicate, crème-colored neck, below her bare shoulders, I couldn’t help but notice her full breasts encased in her green dress; those had also seemed to mature a bit. Even though I noticed her paler-than-usual skin, I knew at that very moment that I was looking at an angel, fallen from the heaven above. Jimmy must have been thinking the same, he just about had said as much.

His proposal was romantic, I suppose; he had asked her the question out on the balcony underneath the moonlight and stars just before dinner was served. There’s no need to mention what her answer was, just that she was surprised and then overly happy. I was currently at the scene of the crime, staring over the edge, desperately wishing beyond hope that it was me in there, dancing with her. I hated myself for not realizing my feelings before hand, and then doing something about it. But, it wasn’t too late was it? After all, they are not yet husband and wife. I still have time to…

“You aren’t going to jump… are you? That would be quite the shame!” I smiled at her voice.

“Nina.” I whispered without turning to look at her. Jimmy must have left her to go spend time with Brian, Matt, and Zacky.

“Now, what do you suppose the people would say? Hm?” I could hear the tapping of her heals as she slowly walked up beside me. She deepened her voice as if to imitate a man, “Well! That outlandish Sullivan boy finally drove his personal servant and friend over the ledge! …and I do quite mean it literally!”

I laughed as I shook my head and smirked.

“You’re still not that funny, Nina.” I said as I glanced up at the stars before bravely looking down at her, and meeting her stare as I smiled. “But, you are undoubtedly cute.”

She just pouted, only making me want to place my lips upon hers, even more.

“I am not that cute little girl you used to know, I’ve grown.” I laughed as I deepened my gaze into her hypnotic eyes.

“Oh, I know, Nina…I know.” In more ways than you realize.

After a couple of seconds she snapped out of it, which made me feel disappointment. We were having a moment, it was as if gravity or some kind of force was bringing us closer to each other, and I was curious as to how ‘close’ close was. I needed to feel that force again.

“John, I think I’ve…” I interrupted her before she could continue.

“Nina! I’ve just had a grand idea!” she looked unsure but paid attention.

“Yes, Johnny?”

“Well, I know this is your engagement ball, and all, but I was thinking…”

“You were thinking…what?” she inquired. I wanted to drag her in by her curiosity, keep her distracted from the ball inside.

“Do you remember that game we used to play when we were younger?” She scrunched her nose in confusion.

“Game?! Which game… and why would you bring this up, now?”

“You know, cat and mouse/hide-and-go-seek! Don’t you think now would be a great time to ditch your part and come play with me one last time before you and Jimmy are married?” I didn’t know if she could notice it, or not, but I was begging her.

“Johnny! You want to play that, now, of all times?! I can’t play that in this dress! Mother would…”

“Then change!” I place both my hands on her shoulders. “I’ll wait for you, Nina. Meet me down at the oak tree!”

“But, John…” I quickly kissed her cheek and ran off. “Johnny!”

Oh! How badly I wished that I had kissed her on those luscious lips of hers.



“John? John, where are you?” I grinned like a Cheshire cat when I heard her coming. I was currently hidden in a bush behind the tree. “Johnny! This is not fun…”

I quickly jumped out at her, grabbing her waist from behind with one arm, and covering her eyes with another, causing her to yelp.

“Johnny, you jerk!” She yelled at me as I released her and laughed.

“You...should have…seen…your face!” By the scrunched up look on her face, I could tell that she wasn’t very pleased with me at the moment. It was confirmed when she punched my arm.

“You do know that I am easily frightened, don’t you? Why would you do that?” I smiled as I looked into her eyes for the second time that evening.

“Because, I wanted to see that scrunched-up face that you make when you’re angry.”

“What face?!” she snapped as she made the face again. “I don’t make a face!”

“Well… you are most certainly making a face now. But don’t worry, dear Nina, it’s an adorable face.” I reassured her as I stepped even closer to her. I needed to feel that force, that pull again.

“John, what do you think you are doing?” she whispered as I lowered my head a bit to meet evenly with hers.

“Taking a chance.” I gently replied as I gently placed my lips onto hers.

As I closed my eyes while brushing my lips against hers, I couldn’t help but place my hands on either side of her face, bring her ever closer to me. Strawberries and vanilla…she tasted so sweet and luscious, just as I had imagined, if not better. I began to kiss her more anxiously, begging her as if my very life depended on it, to just show a sign that she felt the same way. I began to have second thoughts, even though I felt as if this was were I was meant to be at this very moment, that this was who I was meant to be with. Did she not feel my love and need for her? Did she not feel the same? Was our friendship now ruined, shattered, because of this one kiss?

Suddenly, I felt it, just barely at first, but I swear it! Her lips were no longer still, as they began returning my kiss almost as desperately as mine as she wrapped her arms around my neck. At this point my heart began to soar as it raced with excitement and pure joy. All of my life’s worries were quickly dissipating as she brought my neck down further, bringing me closer to her than before. Our kiss was deepening and becoming more feverish, causing electricity to run down my spine. Light moans were sipping through her mouth the second we opened our mouths and our tongues met, clashing for dominance. I needed her badly at this point, and even though I felt as if I would lose my entire life source by losing her touch, I knew that if I didn’t stop here…that I would take her and her virtue at this very moment. So I pulled away.

“Why…did you pull…away?” She breathed hard.

“I don’t want… to take away your… innocence.” I looked at the ground, ashamed of admitting such a thing. But she just lifted my chin.

“John, I just kissed my fiancé’s best friend the night of our engagement. What is so innocent about that?” I looked at her as she gently pressed her lips against mine for a brief moment before bringing her lips to my ear. “I need you now.”

My mind was made up at that moment; my lust for this woman was too great. It no longer mattered that we were betraying our best friend. It no longer mattered that what we were doing was morally and socially wrong; it felt right. We would only do this, just this once, and then…then we would move on with our lives as if this perfect moment had never taken place.

Only… that would, in fact, be a lie.





Our lips were pushed together, sealed tight, as our tongues tangled for dominance. Nina’s fingers were twisted in my hair, as mine rubbed up and down her bare sides, occasionally caressing the sides of her well-rounded breasts. We were both currently in her bedroom, unclothed, and very aroused. I slowly backed her up until she collapsed onto her and Jimmy’s bed, temporarily breaking our heated kiss.

“When does he return?” I asked as I was already breathing hard.

“Tomorrow, late morning.” I grinned.

“Good.”




“Nina? …Johnny?” I heard a familiar voice, but was too tired to care. “What is this?!” it shouted this time in a shaky-outraged voice, and all of a sudden a horrible feeling crept up my spine.

We were discovered—caught red-handed, naked in his marriage bed, by none other than the guy who we have both called best friend for so long. In all of my shame, I quickly grabbed my clothes off of the floor and sloppily pulled on my trousers, but before I could even think of how I would explain this to him, I was punched hard to the ground. I went to feel my jaw and felt a warm liquid trickle its way down my chin. Next thing I knew his large hand was wrapped around my throat, lifting me up off the ground, only throw me back down, and I stayed.

“Look at me! …I said, look.at.me!” He shouted through his teeth before kicking me in the stomach.

“Jimmy, stop it!” Nina screamed, but she was ignored.

“So, you can’t even stand too look your own best friend, whom you have betrayed, in the eye, you coward!” His face was already red and a vain in his neck, looked like it was about to burst as he kicked me again, but my shoulder this time; I was in the fetal position on the floor.

“How could you do this to me? Why would you do this to me? Hm…?” This time he kicked my chest, knocking the very air out of my lungs, possibly cracking a rib or two.

“James, leave him alone!” Nina desperately demanded.

“You have no say in this, whore!” she gasped at that statement as tears began to fall down her cheeks and sobs gave way.

“Do not call her that!” I finally got the gumption to speak up. “She is not…”

“Don’t you dare say she’s not a whore!” he snapped. “She bedded her husband’s close friend! That is what whores do!”

I glanced over at Nina, and noticed a weird look of anguish on her face as she slowly wrapped a sheet around herself as she tried to make her way to James.

“Nina, don’t go near him, he’s not in a safe mood.”

“Oh! No! Nina, it’s okay, I am your husband, and I’m in a fantastic mood!” He was beginning to lose his sanity with anger.

“James, please…” she pleaded but was mad with anger, lost in it.

She took a wobbly step close to him, reaching her arm out when all of a sudden a still and empty-pained look showed on her face; something was wrong, very wrong. She took one staggered breath before collapsing on the ground, her hands grabbing her chest just above her heart. In that moment all of the anger in the room had dissipated, there was just silence and fear. It was like an out-of-body experience, one that I did not quite understand. What was happening? What is wrong with Nina?! She wasn’t moving.

“Nina?” Jimmy questioned as he, too, was in a paralyzed shock.

“She needs a doctor!” I yelled frantically.

“Doctor?” he whispered as he slowly turned around towards the door. “I’ll fetch the doctor.”

As soon as I found my legs I ran straight to her and knelt on the ground, grabbing her hands.

“Nina? Nina? Are you awake, dear Nina? I need you to wake up for me, okay?” I pleaded with her as tears began to find their way down my swollen cheeks. I brought my ear down to her nose and mouth to listen and feel for her precious breaths…but I could not succeed.

“Nina! I need you, Nina! Please, my darling Nina, please wake up for me!” I was weeping at this point. She couldn’t be gone like that; she was just fine a minute ago. I grabbed onto her hands tighter, as if she would fall off the edge of the earth if I were to let her go.

“I love you, Nina! Do you hear me? I love you!”

Dear Diary,

I’ll start with the wonderful news first, though now I am afraid that it is more important then ever that I keep you hidden from eyes other than my own...I will get to that later, however. As I have said, I have some wonderful news! Though, it shall come to you as no surprise, it seems as if Matt and Amanda have finaly entered a courtship. At their rate, with all of their arguing and teasing of each other, I thought they would have waited until they were on their deathbeds before admitting their attraction towards each other. Nevertheless I am truly happy for the both of them and wish them the best of luck in their future, together.

Now, onto a more serious matter. I’m scared, old silent friend; I’m ashamed, and frightened that my long-going unfaithfulness towards my new husband will be found out. I never planned on being this kind of woman, an adulterer. What if I conceived Johnny’s child? I never wanted to fall in-love with another person who was not my husband, but here I was, as unfaithful as ever. I’m lost, I’m torn between being with my lover, but at the risk of hurting Jimmy…I couldn’t live with myself if he found out; my weak heart wouldn’t be able to take it. So why can’t I just do the right thing, and end what Johnny and I have? Dear diary, I am a horrible wife and friend. I do not deserve James nor does he deserve to have a tramp as a wife. I am in-love with two men who are both, my dearest friends in the entire world. What am I to do with myself?
~Nina

A single tear slid down my right cheek, as I read the final entry in her journal. I still missed her, I still loved her, but that’s why I was here; I never had the chance to say a proper ‘goodbye’. Apparently she had a weak heart that could not withstand a certain amount of stress; I blame myself. After Nina’s funeral, in which I was not allowed to attend, her family dropped off the social map, and kept to themselves. Jimmy never spoke to me again, and for that I understand. Matt and his wife, Amanda, moved to a western colony with their three children several years after; my wife and I hear from them about twice a year, now. As for the mansion, it was left vacant, and quickly fell apart; no one wanted to live in a once-conflicted home.

I took in one more glance of this place and the memories that it held.

“I have never forgotten you, Nina, nor have I ever stopped loving you. I miss you, still, Nina, you were always a great friend, my best friend” I wiped away the tears on my face. “and the light you left remains but it's so hard to stay, when I have so much to say but you're so far away.”