C'est La Vie

Josh.

Today was the day. The day Jordan would be leaving me. All of the boys were gathered at Chris and Jordan's house, waiting to take her to the airport. I was somewhat in shock. I wasn't ready for her to leave. Not so soon.

At the same time though, it would be a large weight off my shoulders when she left. I had confessed how I truly felt about her and she had brushed it off, waved it around, and shoved it back in my face by showing how she felt about Buddy. That jerk.

Jordan came down the staircase. Chris, Dan, Max, Matt, Jordan's mom, Chris' dad, and I were all standing in the foyer, but I quickly grabbed Max and dragged him out the door before anyone else.

To be respectful to a family event Max, Dan, Matt, and I took Matt's car to the airport, following the Miller's car. It seemed like it was only minutes before we arrived at the airport.

Jordan did her rounds, hugging everyone tightly, her eyes watering. I could see the physical pain on her features as she pulled away from her mother, tears falling down her face. It must be hard to leave someone after only seeing them for so short a time. I don't know what I would personally do if I was never able to see my mom.

She turned, her dark brown hair flying into her face as she enveloped Matt and Dan, then Chris in hugs. I could tell she would be the most upset to leave Chris behind. They had a close bond that most step-brothers and sisters weren't lucky enough to have.

When it was Max's turn to say goodbye, he wrapped his arms tightly around her and wouldn't let go. I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Why didn't Max just fucking go along with her if he loved her so much?

I looked up meeting her eyes awkwardly before noticing that Chris and Dan were trying to pry Max off Jordan. The thought of helping crossed my mind, but I brushed it off.

"No!" Max yelled out. "My best friend can't leave me!"

A few people turned at his loud outburst in annoyance. They shook their heads but continued moving along. Just another goodbye in a crowded airport.

Jordan turned to me and I flipped the hair out of my face, running a hand through it nervously. She hesitated a moment before stopping in front of me. We stood there for a moment in silence, the eyes of all our friends on us.

Sadness washed over me as she reached into her bag and shoved a package into my hand. The second it was in my grasp, she threw her arm around me in an uncomfortable hug and hurried off, muttering a quiet, "bye" as she headed towards security.

I ripped the soft package open, a little note fluttering to the ground. Picking it up, I saw that it was sealed, the words "Joshy," written across the front. I opened it, being careful not to rip the letter.

Merry Christmas Joshy!

Honestly, I had the hardest time shopping for you. I didn't really know you up until a little while ago. Well, not like I knew the boys at least. It was much easier to shop for them but that's beside the point.

I wasn't expecting this trip to be so...complicated. Really, I wasn't. I wasn't ready for such an emotional experience. I wanted a quiet vacation where I could visit my mom and step-dad and brother. I guess I got that, but then I met you too.

I don't know why I hated you Josh. Maybe it was the cocky attitude you had that day on the plane, or how rude to me you were afterwards. I guess I deserved that though. Your attitude turned me off completely so I decided to give it right back to you. I'm sorry about that, really. You didn't deserve it.

I never thought I'd be saying this, but something about you enraptures me Joshua. Maybe it's the way you run your hand through your hair when you're feeling awkward or nervous, or the twinkle in your pretty eyes when you're in a happy mood. Who knows.

But god, when I heard you talking to Elissa, I sorta felt my heart break for you. I don't even know if I felt pity for you or if that heart-breaking feeling was for my own heart. To hear you so upset about a girl who had a boyfriend...it upset me too. I think somewhere in my heart I was hoping it was me you wanted to care for.

When you kissed me at the Square, I panicked. I had Buddy, you know? I wasn't ready to ditch him for you, especially when we had been so hot and cold towards each other at the beginning of my trip. Now I'm realizing how stupid I was.

I'm sorry I ran. I'm sorry I kissed you back and didn't tell you how I felt. I'm sorry I'm leaving you again in a few days and you won't be getting this until I leave. So that earlier Merry Christmas? It's a little belated.

Well, now you know.

I guess this is goodbye Josh.

See you next year,

xoxo
Jordan

ps, I hope you like the gift. I thought it suited you quite well.

I stared in shock at the letter, clutching it tightly in my hands. I tore the wrapping paper off completely, a shirt tumbling into my hands. I opened it up, letting it unfold in front of me. It was a plain, navy tee shirt. In white letters with a thin black outline surrounding them, "I may be down, but I'm not out yet," was scrawled across the front.

So many emotions passed over my body, but what stuck to me the most was anger. I was mad that she left me the letter and shirt as she was leaving to go back home to Boston.

"You can't leave!" I shouted, startling some passengers milling about. "Not now, not ever! Jordan!"

Max's hand fell onto my shoulder in a kind gesture as Jordan turned. Her face was shining with tears as she hurried towards the escalators and disappeared out of my life for good.