This Could Be All I've Waited For

Three days of painful waiting yet Alex haven’t bat an eyelid. Hands cold, sweat drenched forehead, irregular breathing, looking at him Jack felt like a ghoul. He hadn’t slept a wink the last two days, since the doctor said it was the crucial part. If Alex didn’t wake after the third day it would be likely that he’ll stay sleeping for God knows how long, and that made Jack on edge.

He grasped the limp, frigid hand of the pale faced Alex as if it’s the last thread that’s connecting them. He wanted to reassure himself that Alex was still here. That there’s still some sense of hope left, how small it might be.

“Alex…” he slowly whispered as he moved to hover over the sleeping male. “You have to fight this, you have to wake up. I c-can’t… please… you need to wake up.”

His heavy breathing was warming up Alex’s face being so close like he was, inhaling Alex’s sweet scent that seemed to overpower the horrible smell of the hospital. It was taking all of his strength to keep himself together. Lord knows, he didn’t want to have another breakdown.

But resistance seemed futile as little droplets of tears came sliding down his ashen face and he let it take him, like every night as he sat waiting and waiting for Alex to move, even just a flick of finger to let him now that he’s still there and not just the shallow body that didn’t resemble the spirited boy he once was.

It made Jack scared that maybe the Alex he knew before all this was gone now. Did he really drive Alex to destruction? Never did he think Alex would resort to such doing. And he knew without anybody shoving it to his face that it was him to blame.

Another bout of self hate and shame ripped through him that he clutched the pristine, white blanket that was drape over Alex.

“Alex please… I beg you… you need to wake up now. Please… A-alex.. I-I ca-can’t live without you-ou…” sobs were rocking his body now and he was clinging to Alex like his life depended on it. He felt crazy with the loud thumping of his heart, knowing that the last four hours would tell Alex’s fate. His fate.

He had no idea what to do if Alex wouldn’t survive this. He might as well take his own life. That would be fair really, he’d take his life in a heartbeat if that meant Alex would live. But he shook his head, what good would that do, seeing that Alex looked as if he couldn’t continue without Jack.

That made him breakout a bitter laughter. Who knew that a fucked up wish would damage them like this. He should have known better than to act on it. But then if not, they wouldn’t have realized their feelings for each other.

Alex’s fit only proved him that fact.

He thought that he’s really losing it, one minute his crying his heart out and now his smiling, however a sad smile it was. If he wasn’t so stubborn they might have been living happily right now. If he wasn’t such a coward, he could have saved a life. Life of the person he loves.



Warm fingers were trailing down his face, it was like butterfly wings caressing them. When did he fall asleep?

He jolted awake when he realized he might have slept through Alex’s crucial phase. He wouldn’t forgive himself if something bad happened and he wasn’t conscious to suffer the consequences.

He tried to get up, to see what went on while he had dozed off but he realized that there were hands holding him in a death grip. Blame sleep for slow brain reaction but it took him a minute or two to comprehend that it was Alex who was clutching him tightly to his chest.

He moved a just a little so he could tilt his head enough to confirm this notion.

“Hey.” came the gruff voice from the seemingly tired older boy.

“A-alex? ALEX!” he felt that his yelling was justified because this was a wonder. He gripped Alex’s face and slowly pinched it, glad to see that it was slowly gaining back its color. He needed to know this wasn’t part of his dreamland.

The older boy’s laughter was a positive proof and it was enough for Jack to pull Alex closer and smothered him in a hug.

“Jack.. can’t breathe. Are you trying to kill me?” Alex said in a singsong voice, so Jack’s rough shoving surprised him a bit.

“Don’t you fucking say that!” that sure made Alex even more confused than when he first woke up and find himself in a hospital bed with a weary looking Jack laying beside him nonetheless
.
“What? I was just kidding, chill okay? And why are we even in the hospital?”

“Don’t you remember what happened?” Jack asked, afraid of what might Alex recollect.

The younger boy’s worried tone made Alex think and he was a bit scared when his memory was fuzzy and couldn’t remember much. He felt Jack squeezed his hand and whispered ‘take it slow’ with his breath flickering on his face. That helped him relax and tried recalling the last clear memory he had.

Like a lit light bulb, he slowly gasped and turned to Jack, “You came home! After my tiring, boring day at work I came home early and then you were there!” he said excitedly.

“What? Jack was confused because that sure didn’t happen. Then he remembered what the doctor had said about the possible effects of the coma. Like a trauma or a simple memory lapse. This might be the perfect time to actually call him but he just wanted to talk to Alex first.

“You came back Jack then we talked and uhm… something happened…” still confused Jack looked at Alex and couldn’t help but notice the slight reddening of his face that has nothing to do with recuperation.

Jack let a small laugh escape that turned into laughter when he felt Alex elbowed him.

“You know dirty thoughts shouldn’t be the stuff you should be concerned right now.”

“Shut up!” that just made Jack laugh even more and seeing Alex’s pout, he couldn’t stop himself but indulge on the invitation.

He grabbed Alex’s face and didn’t wait for a second to kiss him and drench the thirst of his aching heart. Jack thought that they’d deal with things later but now he’s just so damn happy that Alex was truly awake and if you ask him he’d rather that Alex wouldn’t remember that dark chapter of their life.