Bleeding Roses
2
"I still don't understand why you aren't going to the dance," Suzie stated as she handed me a tray. I sighed loudly, letting her know that I was annoyed about the fact that she was still going on about this. She rolled her eyes and grabbed a cheeseburger for herself. I continued walking through the line, constantly looking down to make sure that my sleeve did not get rolled up. The worst part of it for me was the paranoia. I always thought that I would be caught, that I would be sent down to Guidance to talk about all of the horrible shit that goes on in my life. Then they would take me away and put him in jail without even once considering the fact that he would be back for me, back for get revenge on me. Then I would be dead. Either way I will end up dead, and it is all because of him.
"Did you hear that there is a new kid? He is so hot!" Blake exclaimed. I raised an eyebrow at him, a little confused as to why he was all of a sudden acting...Well, you know. "Don't tell me that you already forgot the promise we made. I would pretend to be gay for two months as long as you buy my lunch for me for three weeks straight. Besides, you spent an entire month begging me to be gay so that you would be able to tell everyone that you have a gay best friend. Even though I'm straight, I am perfectly fine with our promise...The only awkward part is Gym since all of the guys keep giving me nervous glances...One of them even smiled at me and walked closer to me...That was when I ran out of the locker room..." he replied. I held back a laugh and pulled three extra dollars from my pocket, handing the money to him and then grabbing myself a chocolate milk.
"Is it possible to get high off of chocolate milk? I swear I think that I do everyday at lunch..." I admitted, though it was not exactly a hard thing to believe. I would always take Blake and Suzie's milk each and every lunch. It was not that it tasted good....It actually tasted really gross...It was fake, watery milk with shitty looking chocolate syrup added in it. However, it was strangely addicting. Kind of like drugs...If I ever tried them, which I had never...I have been deprived of a normal high school experience, according to all of my friends.
***
The only daughter of an abusive alcoholoic--it seems fun, doesn't it? Not only the daughter, but the only child. Period. No one else to share the pain with. Cousins? None. Aunts? Nope. Uncles? Hell no. Grandparents? Living far away. Mother? Don't even dare ask that question...
I sighed as I turned up my iPod, blasting the music into my ears. I always heard that listening to music that was turned up all the way would make you deaf. I could only pray to a God that I don't believe in that I would someday go deaf. That way I would not need to listen to his angry screams, the sound of my own screams of pain and fear. That way I would not need to hear the silence after a beating, or the sound of my blood splattering against the wall again. I would not need to hear anything other than my mother's voice telling me that everything would be okay. I would not need to hear anything other than peace...Freedom...My mother...
I looked at my wall once more, the blood already dried. There was one spot that intrigued me, though, once spot with an image that I would not be able to get out of my head for a while--a rose.
"Did you hear that there is a new kid? He is so hot!" Blake exclaimed. I raised an eyebrow at him, a little confused as to why he was all of a sudden acting...Well, you know. "Don't tell me that you already forgot the promise we made. I would pretend to be gay for two months as long as you buy my lunch for me for three weeks straight. Besides, you spent an entire month begging me to be gay so that you would be able to tell everyone that you have a gay best friend. Even though I'm straight, I am perfectly fine with our promise...The only awkward part is Gym since all of the guys keep giving me nervous glances...One of them even smiled at me and walked closer to me...That was when I ran out of the locker room..." he replied. I held back a laugh and pulled three extra dollars from my pocket, handing the money to him and then grabbing myself a chocolate milk.
"Is it possible to get high off of chocolate milk? I swear I think that I do everyday at lunch..." I admitted, though it was not exactly a hard thing to believe. I would always take Blake and Suzie's milk each and every lunch. It was not that it tasted good....It actually tasted really gross...It was fake, watery milk with shitty looking chocolate syrup added in it. However, it was strangely addicting. Kind of like drugs...If I ever tried them, which I had never...I have been deprived of a normal high school experience, according to all of my friends.
***
The only daughter of an abusive alcoholoic--it seems fun, doesn't it? Not only the daughter, but the only child. Period. No one else to share the pain with. Cousins? None. Aunts? Nope. Uncles? Hell no. Grandparents? Living far away. Mother? Don't even dare ask that question...
I sighed as I turned up my iPod, blasting the music into my ears. I always heard that listening to music that was turned up all the way would make you deaf. I could only pray to a God that I don't believe in that I would someday go deaf. That way I would not need to listen to his angry screams, the sound of my own screams of pain and fear. That way I would not need to hear the silence after a beating, or the sound of my blood splattering against the wall again. I would not need to hear anything other than my mother's voice telling me that everything would be okay. I would not need to hear anything other than peace...Freedom...My mother...
I looked at my wall once more, the blood already dried. There was one spot that intrigued me, though, once spot with an image that I would not be able to get out of my head for a while--a rose.