Dependent on Life.

I bit into my burger, the taste of it was to delicious to explain. This was my first time having McDonalds. When I told dad that he looked at me like I was some weird person. I may have been at that moment in time for never have eaten McDonalds before up until now..but now I was just like every other McDonalds lover out in the world a victim to their burgers and fries, to their milkshakes and apple pies.

I looked up at dad he was staring out the window lost in his own little world, his glasses resting on the bridge of his nose and his hair slightly messy, he didn’t notice me looking at him so I let a smile pass my lips. I began to think about the promise he made to my mother, to look after me no matter what, I started to wonder what happened between my mother and father..what drove her to leave.

‘Dad...could I ask you something?’
He turned from looking at the window and smiled. ‘Sure, what up’s honey?’
I hesitated not wanting to get yelled but decided the only way to know was to ask. ‘What really happened with you and mom?’
He let out a sigh and sat back in his seat. ‘Are you sure you want to know?’
‘Yes.'
He nodded. ‘Okay, I understand if you are going to be mad with me in the end.’

‘Why woul-’
‘You’ll see.’ He looked back out the window again. ‘Talaya and I had been going out since we were fifteen years old, everything was going perfect and no one messed with us well that was until we started a new year and everyone started to pick things about us and make up things. We were having fights at school, after school, with our families and even our friends some friends stayed true and others started to make up rumours and ruined our lives, a girl who used to hang with us Jenny Miles and her boyfriend Tyler ruined our lives. Jenny couldn’t accept the fact that I didn’t want to be with her or found no interest in her, so she got with Tyler. Tyler wanted your mum and Jenny wanted me, so they did so many things to break us apart and it didn’t only affect me and your mother it affected our friends and family too, for a long time our friends didn’t talk to us because they were getting dragged into it to the point where they were getting physically hurt for us like your Aunt Val and Michelle they took the worst beatings and wounds for your mother and I. Then after the police got involved we had stopped our relationship, your mother stopped coming to school and stopped talking to me she would talk to everyone but me, she would ignore my presence and I started to hate her for that and make up rumours about her, I-I didn’t know at the time it would hurt her like it did.’ Dad whispered then looked at me sighing out loud.

‘I told her it was me who made them up... the rumours got so bad that Talaya tried to kill herself and when I saw that she was going to jump off the pier because of me I jumped in after her, to think I almost caused the girl I loved to jump and kill herself, she didn’t wake up until a month later because she almost drowned you see your mother couldn’t swim and she had hit her head on one of the poles and lost a massive amount of blood. I didn’t have a phone at the time so I carried her to the hospital and when she did wake she was so mad at me, she wouldn’t look at me, she would look down at her hands with the saddest look on her face.’ Dad said taking a sip of his drink before continuing.

‘She wasn’t even sixteen yet, I was though and I was going to all the parties and what not so I could show her I was fine without her, but deep down I was a wreck one night your mum came to one of the parties I was at and god she looked so beautiful, I still remember it like it was yesterday, smoked filled the room, beer in everyones hands, everyone smiling and laughing having a good time and as soon as your mother walked through that door its like everyone stopped and stared at her especially me, her eyes locked with mine but she quickly looked away blushing, I always had that affect on your mother I could make her blush even when she didn’t want to. Anyway I thought fuck this shit I’m going to go and apologize, and I did she listened to every word I said without interrupting or getting mad at me, then she did something I never thought she would do ever again she kissed me and I admit I was taken aback by it.’ Dad blushed and smiled when he did.

‘And well I don’t think I need to tell you what happened that night because well that would be awkward for both of us...uh ahem! I thought things were going to go back to normal with me and you mother after a month but they didn’t she...she wrote me a letter telling me she never wanted to see me again and that I was the biggest asshole for what I did to her and that I’ve ruined her life..but I didn’t read the whole thing I folded it up and put it with the other letters she wrote me thinking she was just on her period and that she was letting out what she didn’t get to say that night..

‘Then after two weeks of not hearing from her I got worried I had asked your uncle Matt and aunt Val if they had heard from her and they said no we asked everyone and no one had heard from her..not even her own father had. She was all over the news and in newspapers for about nine months before the police gave up and pronounced her dead.’ I saw a single tear fall from dads eye, I stood from my seat and grabbed his hand running outside he followed, I knew there was a park nearby that him and mom used to go to all the time.

She wrote about it in her letters to me, telling me about the times they used to just hang out at the park when things became hard or when they were just bored, it was rather cute to read but now finding out the truth behind their relationship it would have been hard for the both of them. We reached the park and I sat down on the green grass and down lay next to me, he shut his eyes and sighed out loud he looked stressed and sad all at the same time, I was beginning to worry I was wearing him out wit my problems and not considering how he was feeling.

‘What happened after they pronounced mom dead?’ I looked at him but he didn’t open his eyes.
‘Everyone gave up, people moved on except me I went all over for her because I knew she wouldn’t have just killed herself or get herself killed she would have killed me first, not literary but she would have given me a beating for what I did and well I wish she did because I deserved it, I had no idea that she left because of Jenny Miles not until one day at school I was sitting near Jenny in class and she started to talk to me I tried to ignore her but then she had specifically said.'

'“I’m glad I drove Mariah to leave your ass, I’m glad she died, I’m glad she ran away.” I just about flipped, thank god Zacky was there otherwise I would had done something I probably shouldn’t have..anyway it wasn’t until last year that I found out I had a daughter because I promise if I knew that you were my daughter I would have taken care of you both and been there right from the start.’ Dad turned his head to look at me in the eyes, I didn’t know I was crying until dad wiped the tears that had fallen from my eyes and pulled me into his arms, I started to feel that warmth inside of me like he really did love me.

‘I could never hate you dad, everyone makes mistakes..I-I love you..’ I whispered wrapping my arms around him and squeezing tight.
Dad didn’t respond at first he just looked at me with wide eyes. ‘I love you too baby girl..’ He responded after a minute or so.
‘What is it that you wanted to ask me? Or talk to me about..’ I giggled at him.
‘OH! That ahh ahem... well you are sixteen now and uh well this is the age you start to develop feelings for uh people..boys or girls..I just wanted to let you know that if you are..gay I’m completely fine with that! And if you are interested in boys I want you to be careful who you fall for baby, boys will say things to you to get you to do things for them..if any boys hurt you I will kick their fucking asses! But um if a girl hurts you I can’t do much there you’re on your own with that..’ Dad chuckled awkwardly.

‘DAD I’M NOT GAY!’ I yelled all too loudly getting looks from people passing by.
‘Hey I was just letting you know that if you are I’m fine with that..’
‘Well thanks, but I’m into guys dad...beside I don’t know any boys.. except Lucas.’
‘I thought you would cause you go to school and-’
‘Actually..I’ve never been to school.’ I said biting my bottom lip.
‘I thought..’
‘We were home schooled.. well except Lucas him being Mandy’s adoptive son and all.’
‘Wow..well do you want to go to school?’
‘YES! I’d love to!’ I clapped my hands and cheered, dad just laughed.
‘Well looks like my little princess is going to school!’ Dad picked me up again and threw me on his back.

‘Jimmy? Jimmy Sullivan?’ I heard a woman say from behind us as Dad turned around and dropped me to the floor, I fell and hit my ass on the ground. I looked up at dad he looked pissed off and shocked at the same time.
‘I’m sorry you must have me mistaken for someone else..’ He mumbled.
‘Oh my mistake, sorry you just look so familiar are you sure we haven’t met before?’ The woman with dark hair that reached her shoulders asked with a flirtatious smile.
‘Yes I’m sure.’ He said somewhat angry, but tried being nice.
‘Sorry again, my mistake.’ She smiled before brushing past him, swaying her hips purposely.

‘Who was that?’ I said still on my ass, dad didn’t seem to notice that he dropped me he just looked at me with a furrowed brow.
‘Why are you on the floor?’
‘You dropped me..’ I said as if it were obvious.
‘OH SHIT I’M SORRY BABY!’ Dad picked me up into his arms apologizing.

‘Dad..DAD relax! I’m fine.’ I laughed a little before getting serious as he placed me on the ground. ‘Did you know her?’
‘I think I hear my ph-’
‘Dad..did you know that woman?’
He let out and irritated sigh. ‘Yes..that was Jenny Miles.’ He walked away leaving me there to watch the woman walking down the street, my blood was boiling and I wanted to run after her but I didn’t because I had a feeling we’d meet again.

I didn’t realize that dad had already left without me or how long I was standing there until walked back to McDonalds and his car was no longer there. I pulled out my phone and tried to call him but he didn’t answer, so I messaged him instead.

You: Dad...where’d you go?
Dad: Sorry baby, I have to take of some business.
You: I’m sorry..I didn’t mean to make you mad..
Dad: Baby you didn’t make me mad! No way in the world did you make me mad, it was that stupid bitch. I just need to blow off some steam..I’m sorry I left you there, I didn’t want to yell at you. I love you Jasmine <3
You: It’s okay dad, I’ll just get Uncle Matt to pick me up..I love you too daddy. Be safe. <3

I honestly felt bad for my dad, he has been through so much and for him to find out the bitch that caused him all this pain is still living in the same state just made things a whole lot worse for him and me.

You: Uncle Mattie can you come and pick me up please!
Uncle Mattie: I thought you were with Jimmy?
You: I was...but uh..
Uncle Mattie: Little Sullivan..What happened?
You: Just please come and get me it’s starting to rain and all these people are looking at me. I’m scared.
Uncle Mattie: YOUR DADS NOT WITH YOU?! : @
You: No..Just please come and get me! It’s hard to explain over a text!
Uncle Mattie: be there in five. Go to McDonalds where it’s safe.

I did what Uncle Matt told me to do and went back to McDonalds. My heart stopped when I saw him standing there, I could not believe he was inside the same store as me my body froze and I felt the colour drain from my skin as I looked at Malak Waldon being served at McDonalds.

how could this day possibly get any worse? Nowhere is fucking safe for me!

I spoke to soon of course, because Malak turned to meet my eyes and he looked shock at first but then smiled and turned to walk towards me but then I felt my phone vibrate so I looked at it.

Uncle Mattie: I’m here.

I shoved my phone into my pocket and ran outside Malak followed and was still smiling, I swung the door open and jumped in slamming it shut Uncle Matt looked at me weird.

‘What’s wrong?’
‘Just drive..please.’ I pleaded and he furrowed his brow before speeding home. The ride was quiet not even the radio was on and I saw Uncle Matt look over at me a few times with a worried expression, I couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Malak’s face when he saw me. I felt dirty, and disgusting at that moment and I just wanted to get home and hide where he couldn’t find me.

Uncle Matt had barely parked the car when I swung open the door and jumped out, running inside and up the stairs I heard someone come running after me which made me run even more thinking of all those times Terry would run after me when I tried to hide. I threw my bedroom door open and slammed it shut, I ran over to my bathroom door and I went inside locking it I heard my door open and my heart started to beat faster and I sat in the corner of the bathroom clamming my eyes shut, when I heard that nick name fall from Uncle Matt’s lips.

‘Jas Baby, open the door..’
‘DON’T CALL ME THAT!’ I screamed covering my ears but it made no difference.
‘Open the door honey, tell me what happened please?’ He pleaded knocking once more and trying to twist the handle.
‘Please..just please leave me alone..please.’ I shut my eyes and brought my knees into my chest.

I heard him walk away a minute later and shut my bedroom door gently.

Mom I wish you were here! Maybe this wouldn't have happened! Dad wouldn't be mad! I wouldn't have seen Malak and You'd be here with us..where you belong.