Dependent on Life.

I woke up and got dressed like any other day, doing my hair, little make up as possible and making my own lunch because no one was awake and I couldn’t ask dad for money.

It’s not that he wouldn’t give it to me or didn’t have any it was I felt bad asking for money. I walked past Uncle Matt’s room I heard him coughing, which meant he was crying again, it’s been two weeks since him and Aunt Val have seen each other, she didn’t think she needed this much time but she did uncle Matt told her to take all the time she needed but you could clearly see that he was a wreck without her.

I got to dad’s room, slowly and quietly opened the door I saw him spread across the bed and blankets everywhere, I couldn’t see his face because they were under a lot of pillows but I knew he was there, I hated waking him up in the mornings to tell him I was leaving but he told me I had to tell him when I was about to leave for school..

I shook him lightly but he didn’t move. ‘Dad, Wake up.’

I shook him a little harder this time but he still didn’t move. ‘Dad...Dad wake up this isn’t funny.’ I began to panic, usually he would wake up when I came into the room he was a light sleeper and most of the time he was the one waking me up or down stairs making me breakfast.

My heart beat started to pick up, this could not be happening not now.
I shook him really hard and he started to move.

THANK FUCKING GOD!
He blinked for a few minutes then rubbed his eyes sitting up. ‘What’s wrong sweetie?’
‘I-I thought..you didn’t- I panicked because you didn’t wake when I shook you..’ I admitted.
His eyes widened in shock. ‘OH! I’m sorry Mae, I didn’t get much sleep last night so it must have caught up to me, I didn’t mean to scare you darling.’ He stood and hugged me.

‘I-it’s okay dad, I just came to tell you I’m going to school now..’ I rested my head into his warm chest, I could hear his heart beat and his breathing so it put me at ease.

‘Okay, come I’ll drop you off.’
‘No, no that’s okay I’ll walk it’s not that far.’
‘Even more of a reason for me to drop you off.’ Dad released me from our hug and put a shirt on walking out of the room in his pj’s. Still..

I ran after him, swinging my backpack on and walked out the door looking at him as he got in the car. ‘Dad..uh..are you really going to drop me off in your pj’s?’
‘Don’t worry no one can see the lower half of my body in the car Mae, besides people can’t tell the different between these pants I mean they could pass as track pants right?’ He shrugged getting in the car and I did the same buckling my seat belt knowing dad was a crazy driver.

For the few minutes I was in the car with him, he was singing along to a few songs on the radio and thank goodness that he didn’t put his barbie girl CD in or I’d tell him to stop and I’d walk..Dad stopped the car right in front of the school and I saw Lucas waiting in the usually spot he did every morning, he waved and started to walk over to the car.

‘Baby girl, I know things aren’t easy for you, I know you’ve been through a lot and I want you to know that I’m here for you no matter what okay, don’t let anyone bring you down. Stand up for yourself... I love you Jasmine.’ Dad kissed my forehead and gave me a big smile.
‘And I’m always here for you too dad, I love you.’ I hugged him and got out of the car. ‘Oh uh is it okay if I walk home with Lucas today?’

‘Of course baby, I will see you when you get home remember what I said have a good day I love you.’ Dad smiled once more before driving off and I waved at him until the car disappeared. I turned to see Lucas with the biggest smile on his face, he leaned in and burped in my face and his breath smelt minty.

‘Ew Lucas that’s really gross!’
‘I have like 50 minty’s so how is that gross? Would you rather minty’s or bad breath?’
‘Uh neither!’ I laughed walking inside the school door and he ran after me, putting his arm around my shoulder.

My feelings for Lucas had grown stronger each day we spent together which was basically everyday for the past two weeks...I knew I shouldn’t feel that way about my best friend but I couldn’t help it, you know that saying “You can’t help the way you feel.” Yeah that applies right now, because I really couldn’t help it. I tried ignoring him for like a week and that failed miserably.
I hate this..why can’t this be easy?

‘Jasmine are you listening?’ Lucas raised an eyebrow getting his books from his locker.
‘Huh? Sorry what did you say?’
Lucas sighed and rolled his eyes. ‘I said do you want to come to Xavier’s party this weekend? He says it’s his way of apologizing...’

‘Apologize? The guy strangled me!’ I yelled widening my eyes.
‘He’s a good guy, you just caught him on a bad day..seriously though he wants to apologize.’ Lucas looked at the floor then back at me. ‘If not for him then for me please?..I won’t let anything happen to you.’

I’ve heard that before...how could I trust those words even if he has never said them before?

‘I have to ask dad..He probably won-’ I was cut off by the sound of my name, I turned to see Xavier standing there biting his bottom lip and his hands in his pockets. I looked back at Lucas and gave him an angry glare he didn’t look at me though he looked at Xavier and I turned back looking him in the eyes as he stared into mine.

‘What?’ I huffed angry.
‘I-I..Look Jasmine I’m sorry about the whole strangling you thing..it’s just you kind of kicked me in the balls and it made me mad..I’m having a par-’ I raised my hand to stop him from talking and I spoke over him.

‘Yeah I know, Lucas told me you’re having a party, I don’t intend on coming. Don’t think that you can just apologize and everything will be fine, I however do apologize for kicking you in the balls even thought you half deserved it.’ I slammed my locker and walked past both boys to my first class which just so happened to be with Lucas, Biology was always first on a Monday morning and I hated it because our teacher was this old lady name Miss Tutt, who always gave homework and was always writing stuff on the board.

I decided to get to class five minutes early, so I turned to corner but ran into none of than he cheerleaders, I dropped my books on the floor and something fell out of one of them and I noticed it was one of my mothers letters that I must have accidently left in my Bio book.

I went to retrieve the letter but someone’s stepped on it, I looked up to see Amie smiling along with the red head and another girl I hadn’t seen before, I tried to pull the letter from under her foot but stopped when I heard it started to rip. I stood up and looked her in the eyes, she had a stupid smirk on her face.

‘Please remove your foot from my letter.’ I said politely.
‘Whose it from?’ she sounded as if she didn’t care at all.
‘My Mother.’ I shrugged.
‘What your mom’s never heard of a mobile phone? Ha! Your Mom’s lame writing letters and shit.’

That’s when I snapped and I had her up against the wall within three seconds flat, my hands were around her throat squeezing as tight as possible before I spat through my teeth. ‘Talk about my mother again and I will pummel you, you should think before you speak because my mothers dead.’

I heard the red head and the other girl gasped and I looked at them with anger in my eyes. ‘What never seen a girl without a mother before? Well let me be the first, laugh it up, bash me, tease me but don’t and I mean it DON’T talk about my family like you know them.’ I looked at Amie in the eyes before letting her go and picking up my letter putting it into my bag and walking off like nothing had happened, some people looked at me as I walked past them to get to class I was still early even before the teacher had shown up which was strange because she was always ten minutes early to class.

I sat in my usual seat and more students came rushing in thinking they were late as the bell rang but Miss Tutt still didn’t show, Lucas came in later and sat right next to me he was being silent but then he turned and opened his mouth to say something.

‘I heard about the..threat you gave to Amie.’ He chuckled awkwardly.
‘Cool.’ Yeah it’s true I was pissed I had every right to be though.
‘I’m sorry Mae..I didn’t mean to make you mad, I just thought you going to this party you’d have fun and loosen up a little you know make more friends and shit..’

‘I’m not even mad about that, I’m more pissed off about what Amie said then anything else right now and I-’ I was cut short when Miss Tutt came walking in looking sick as a dog, but she still had the ability to speak what I thought was a shame.

‘Class turn you text book to page 356 and answer all the question and once you’ve done that you can have free time, I’m not feeling too well today so I won’t be setting homework.’ Miss Tutt sipped the liquid from her cup and sat in silence reading.
‘Do you think you could forgive Xavier? He really likes you Mae..j-just give him a chance..?’

He really likes me? Maybe I don’t want to give him a chance because I want you! AGH!
‘Fine, what’s the deal with Amie why does she hate me so much huh?’ I said looking at him with curiousity.

‘I-I..ugh it’s because of you..I mean me..she-she likes me a lot..maybe even loves me, all I know is that she hates any girl that talks to me and now that the girls have it figured out they don’t talk to me, all I have is you..well I hope I do.’ He sighed.
I rolled my eyes and pinched him. ‘You idiot of course you have me.’

‘Good because that’s all I really need babe.’ He chuckled going back to his work.
‘Yeah..’ I sighed knowing I’d never actually be “his”.

**Lunch time.
Lunch came quickly and I pulled my lunch from my bag and sat at a table by myself, Lucas had detention again not that I was surprised much, I looked at my peanut butter and jelly sandwich this morning I was craving it but now it was as tasteless as Brussels sprout I took two bites before putting it back into the cling wrap and sighed, I was looking around at the tables where various students sat.

The jock table – consisting of boys who are in some kind sport making them seem and somewhat look mucho.

The cheerleading table / popular people. – consisting of cheerleaders, who are of high class (in their eyes) and the popular people who are either stinking rich or famous in some way.

The scene/emo kids. – consisting of kids with make-up, loud music and attitudes that make you sad.

The nerds – consisting of really smart kids who are going to succeed in life no matter what they do.

The stoners/druggies. – consisting of people who think their life is pointless so they waste their time here getting high and drugged up on shit.

The pretty girls and boys. – consisting of posh upper class kids who get everything handed to them on a silver platter.

The freaks – kids who are considered freaky or weird in some way or another.

And then there’s me. Lonely old me, I belong to none of the above do you know what table I belong too? Take a guess.

Nope, not the table where no one notices you.
Not the table nearest to the exit.
YES! The table near all the bins! ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR YOU!

I sit on the table that has all the bins near it, kids just chuck food at the bins instead of actually getting up and putting them in the bin like normal people would.

Last week I got hit with a yoghurt, strawberry flavoured yeah it was fun explaining to Uncle Brian that it was not what he thought until I told him it was yoghurt and he asked if decided to ask some kid to throw at me and well I settled for that instead of telling him the truth.

I pulled out my phone to see if I had gotten any messages and I had gotten none which was disappointing. So I decide to message uncle Johnny.

Hey Uncle Johnny, how’s your day?

haha, hey uh could I ask you something?

Well uh..today at school I dropped one of my books and one of mom’s letters fell out did you put it there?


So you’ve read them huh?


No no it’s fine I just..well what does she say in the letter?..

Okay..I’ll read it now..see you at home?

Nah, I’m walking home I might make a detour if I’m bothered.


I put my phone into my pocket and picked up my bag swing it over my shoulder, I picked up my rubbish and put it into one of the bins. I turned to look at the cafeteria once more but when I turned back I had run into Amie as she held a tray of food making it go all over me and causing me to fall on the floor with hot nachos on me they were hot against my skin making me hiss in pain while everyone was laughing.

Everyone except Amie, which I thought was strange.
She bent down next to me. ‘Are you okay, I’m so sorry I didn’t even see you there honestly I was looking for a place to sit and I-I shit I’m so sorry Jasmine!’ Her voice sounded truthful, she put out her hand and helped me to my feet I brushed off the food that I could and picked up my bag putting it back over my shoulder.

‘It’s okay, they all seem to think it was funny so I don’t see why you wouldn’t..’ I walked past her and out the cafeteria doors as the laughing echoed through the corridors, then it became loud once again I turned to see Xavier running after me. I rolled my eyes and walked fast trying to ignore him calling my name then I was pulled to a stop.

‘Jasmine, what happened in there what did Amie say?’ Xavier said sounding protective over me, why? It’s not like were friends or anything.
‘Why do you care? It’s not like we’re friends or anything.’ I snatched my arm from his grip.
‘Maybe I want to be..’ He said hopeful.
‘Yeah and maybe I don’t.’ I rolled my eyes and kept walking and he still kept following gez does he not get the point?

‘Anyone else would be thrilled to hear me say that so I don’t understand why you’re not.’ Xavier asked completely puzzled.
‘Because I’m not like everyone else! I’m different can’t you see that? I don’t have friends! I don’t have people to protect me and love me for me, right now I don’t want that either I just want to be alone!’ I walked faster until I got to the school doors, I stopped and turned back around. ‘By the way tell Lucas I went home, he’d freak out if no one told him.’

‘We aren’t friends remember?’ He spat.
‘You have only yourself to blame for them.’ I spat back and shut the door walking in the direction of home, I knew dad would be mad I came home early but to me at that moment that didn’t matter I just want to go home and read my mom’s letter, to have a shower and be alone in my room.
I shoved my earphones into my ears and pressed play shuffling through random music until I came upon one song.