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What Do You Say When Your Heart's Not in It?

Sick of second guessing, I didn't mean to make you hurt,

I sighed as I kissed my little boys cheek softly. He was leaving today, and I really hated to see him go.

"You gonna miss him?" A voice asked from behind me, I turned around abruptly to see Jack Barakat stood behind me, a solemn look among his face. I nodded sadly and he opened up his arms for me to walk into. I accepted the hug and ran into his open arms. I felt a trickle of water run down my cheek and instantly knew I was crying. "Hey, don't cry. He'll be back soon." He said as soon as be saw me crying. He stared down at my face, taking in my features.

"I know he will.. at least I'm allowed to smoke and drink without anyone bothering me." I giggled softly and he chuckled along.

"Well, let's get started on that drinking right now shall we? My bus?" He asked and I smiled softly as I thought about it but declining his offer.

"I don't think I should." I said as I backed away from him.

"Come on, I'll be Jacob. No ones as immature as him, apart from me." He chuckled and I nodded in agreement before rethinking the offer.

"Okay, sure, should be fun." I said and he chuckled softly. He grabbed my hand softly and started skipping with me toward the All Time Low bus. We entered up the steps and everyone looked at us in confusion. Alex was typing away on his phone at the dining table, pretending not to be bothered by what was happening down at the front.

“Wow.. Awkward silence much.” Jack chuckled, grabbing loads of spirits and putting them all under one arm before dragging me into the back room, closing the curtain behind us.

“I think I need that drink more than I thought.” I giggled softly to myself and Jack winked at me softly.

“I gottcha darlin’.” He said and I just smiled as I sat down on the large sofa. He handed me a mixture he’d made up and to my surprise, it tasted really nice. “Wanna watch a movie?” He asked as he stayed stood up, just in case.

“Sure.” I smiled as I sipped on the concoction. He walked over to a stack of films and skimmed them for a moment before picking one out and shoving it in the DVD player. He grabbed a blanket from the floor and draped it over us, he turned the light of before getting under the covers with me.

The movie opened up and I groaned. Insidious. Horror films scared the living shit out of me. “Trust you to pick a scary one, I’m gonna be having nightmares forever.” I said as I downed the drink. I’d need to be drunk to watch this film.

“Jacky,” I said quietly and he looked at me, his eyes twinkling in the light from the TV. “Could I have another drink please?” I asked and he chuckled softly before putting things together again. He passed me the drink as he wrapped an arm around me gently.

“I’m here if you get scared.” He chuckled and I just smiled as I snuggled closer into his side.


“That movie wasn’t even fuckin’ scary!” I exclaimed with a slur as I sparked up a cigarette. I was told I was allowed too on the bus luckily.

“You were jumping like crazy!” Jack exclaimed from beside me as he chuckled, both of us pretty hammered by this point.

“Was not!” I exclaimed as I turned my head up to look at him. Before I knew it, his lips were attached to mine hungrily. I stubbed the cigarette out in an ash tray before kissing him back with just as much force. I pried his t-shirt from his body and laid him down, kissing down his chest. He pulled my top from me, leaving me in just my bra.

“Will you guys-” I heard but it soon stop as the person saw what we were doing. I turned around to meet Alex’s hurt brown eyes. He stormed out of the room, the door to the bus door slamming showing he’d stormed out. I groaned loudly before placing back on my top and kissing Jack’s cheek lightly.

“Alex!” I exclaimed as I saw him far away, a cigarette in his hand as he puffed on it continuously. “Alex, I’m so sorry.” I said, still as wasted as I was before. The truth came out when I was drunk. “I just miss you! And Jack started kissing me and.. I don’t know. It just felt nice. I haven’t had many relationships like that since we broke up and I fucking miss it! Okay!” I exclaimed and he stood looking at me, his eyes wide.

“Y-you miss me?” He asked and I just nodded softly along as I stared down at my feet. He moved closer to me, before wrapping me in his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked and I just scoffed softly.

“Why should I have, Lex? You didn’t fucking listen to me, you weren’t there for me when I fucking needed you the most.” I said as I attempted to move away from him. “What did you expect me to do? Run back into your arms?” I sobbed, the alcohol starting to wear off.

“No, of course I didn’t expect that.. But I want you to forgive me.. I was young and stupid.. I wouldn’t listen and I realise now that I should have.. Heck, I realised that five minutes after your performance. I want you to give me a second chance, Ruby. Everyone deserves a second chance..” He murmured, his voice going quiet instantly meaning he was getting upset. “I’m older now, you can trust me..” He whispered as he grabbed my hands in his own, holding them tightly.

“I-.. I don’t think I can trust you, Alex..” I mumbled as I pulled my hands out of his grasp. “I may be drunk but I know that Jack’s more responsible at the whole relationship thing than you are.. I’m sorry.” I muttered before making my way past him, back onto the All Time Low bus. Jack was laid in his bunk by this time so I nudged him awake.

“Rube, I didn’t think you were gonna come back.” He said as he opened up his arms to allow me into the bunk with him. I crawled into his arms and he placed the cover over us both. He kissed my forehead softly before resting his head back down on the pillow and falling back asleep. I just laid there, my back to jack’s chest as I stared out at the bunk before me. I heard a few noises and before I knew it, Alex was flopping down on the bed before me. His eyes stayed locked on mine for a brief moment.

“I still love you, Ruby. I never stopped.” He said quietly before turning his back on me to face towards the wall, I sighed softly before turning around myself into Jack’s chest. I attempted to fall asleep, but it didn’t look like it was going to come easily tonight.
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Sorry It's been so long! Haven#t had internet for two weeks. D: But I've been writing like mad. :) Hope you like it!