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What Do You Say When Your Heart's Not in It?

Didn't mean to make you hurt, hurt hurt.

I stared at the curtain before me, as I expected, I hadn't got a wink of sleep the night before. I pulled the curtain open and hopped down off the bunk. Jack grunted behind me and I smiled at him as he opened his eyes.

"What the fuck happened last night?" He asked as he rubbed his head and I chuckled softly.

"We got very drunk Jacky. You know I love you right?" I asked and he nodded in confusion. "But I'm sorry Jack, I don't like you that way." I stated and he only chuckled in response.

"No worries babe, I don't like you like that either. I mean, ew." He stated with a smirk and my jaw dropped as I slapped him across the head. "I was joking!" He exclaimed and I rolled my eyes with a smile as I walked into the lounge area of the bus. Everyone was sat around in random spots. Zack was In the kitchen, making coffee I presumed. Ryan was sitting with Kara, Caitlyn and Carmen were sat next to them talking amongst themselves and Alex was sat at the small dining table texting away on his phone. I grabbed my jacket and pulled it on before waving to the people looking towards me and walking off the bus. I was hit by the sunlight immediately and groaned as I shielded my eyes.

"Need these?" Alexis asked from where she was sat on the grass and I smiled lightly as I walked over to her and sat down, taking the sunglasses from her hand and placing them on my face. "So.. What happened last night?" She asked and I sighed as Il ooked down at my lap.

"I kissed Jack!" I exclaimed. No noise was heard for a few moments, then she started laughing hysterically.

"Oh my god, you whore!" She exclaimed and I gasped, hitting her shoulder lightly. "I can't believe you kissed your ex's best friend! Man, that's funny!" She said and I rolled my eyes as I laughed along with her. Eventually her laughing subsided and she turned serious again. "You missing Jacob?" She asked and I nodded my head sadly.

"I mean, sure I've had to be away from him before.. It just feels different. I mean, I know he'll be back in a couple of days but the most I've ever left him for is a weekend." I sighed and she nodded softly.

"Don't worry, we'll help take your mind off it." She said with a small smile, which I returned. I was so lucky to have her.

"Well then, let's get ready for show time." I said as I climbed up and held a hand out for her. She accepted it and we both walked off towards our tour bus.

"Hey guys, we got a new song for you today." I screamed into the mic and the crowd erupted with screams. "You wanna hear it?" I asked and yet again they cheered. "Okay guys, this one's called make-up smeared eyes. I hope you like it."

"Left your t-shirt in my room,
Still smells of you.
And the picture you hung on the door,
Lay smashed, picture perfect.
Explains now, Clearly,
nothing left but a memory.
We only made out,
You never kissed me.
That's how I learned to hold back all feeling."
I sang and everyone swayed. I looked out at my fans and I smiled slightly to myself. I loved these people.

"Wait, please don't go,
I won't stay,
All these words on replay.
I'm okay,
It's all right,
Good to know that you're fine.

Pretending everything is right, to make it better.
I'll hide my make-up smeared eyes,
To show that I'm fine."
When the song finished the crowd clapped and cheered. "Okay guys, that's all from us today. The ready set are coming up next, enjoy!" I exclaimed and we walked off the stage. I grabbed a bottle of water and chugged the liquid so only half was left. I smiled at Jordan as he rushed past me and made my way down the stairs.

As soon as I got to the bus I flopped down on the sofa and groaned as everyone else piled on.

"Well, someone seems unsociable." Charlie muttered and I groaned as I grabbed a pillow and threw it at what I presumed was him. He chuckled softly and I heard his laughter echo through the bus. I soon heard the playstation turn on and instantly knew where they were.

"Why don't you just talk to the guy?" I heard suddenly and jumped in my spot to see Alexis sat beside me.

"You're like a fucking ninja, do you know that?" I asked and she simply chuckled softly as she shrugged.

"That's why you like me, babe. But as I said, this is obviously eating you up. Why don't you just talk to him? It might go better than you think?" She asked and I sighed softly as I burrowed my head into the couch pillow.

"He said he still loves me." I stated and she gasped.

"Isn't that what you've always wanted?" She asked and I sighed softly as I rolled over so I was on my back.

"I did. But I don't want it just because he found me making out with his friend. I want him to hurt. I know that's pretty shitty, but with the way he left me, it's nothing!" I exclaimed and Alexis nodded her head softly as she sat back against the couch.

"Well, I honestly don't know what to say honey." She sighed and I groaned as I ran a hand over my face and through my hair.

"Can we have a barbeque? We need to enjoy this weather and I believe hot dogs and alcohol will really help with my shitty mood." I stated and Alexis gasped as she jumped up excitedly.

"That's an amazing idea! I'll take the car and get some shit, you obtain the alcohol!" She exclaimed before running off the bus. I rolled my eyes at her before climbing up from my position on the strangely comfortable couch. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened up a new message, I added all the people I could think of who were at warped and started typing. 'BBQ tonight at Chains Of Sorrow bus. Be there! Xoxox' I quickly typed, short and sweet, just as I liked it. I pushed my phone back into my jacket pocket before walking out of the bus to find some alcohol for tonight. It honestly shouldn't be that hard, we were at a festival after all. I walked up to the first stand I saw that sold alcohol and thanked the heavens that it was only a few feet away from our bus. I purchased vodka, whiskey, Sambuca, Beer and anything else I would be able to carry, anything that was too heavy the man saved behind the counter until I could come back for it. I lugged the bags back to the bus just as Alexis arrived with shit loads of bags and one of the security guards carrying a big cardboard box. I looked at her strangely before looking back towards the burly man in black.

"We can't have a barbeque without a barbeque. Duh." She stated and I rolled my eyes.

"I though you would have got some disposables, not a giant ass barbeque!" I exclaimed with a laugh and she smiled before shrugging her shoulders. Lucas and Charlie came off the bus together, they saw the giant box in the security mans arms before rolling their eyes and taking it from him. They nodded and said thanks and the man walked away quickly without saying a word. The boys got started on setting up the barbeque and myself and Alexis put it upon ourselves to get the small dining table off the bus to place all the alcohol on, with great difficulty might I add.

"Charlie! I thought this fuckin' thing split in half or something!" I exclaimed as we tried to fit the full blown table out of the tiny door.

"It does! It's got like this button you press and the middle falls in half!" He exclaimed and I rolled my eyes with an annoyed growl. Just then, A hand popped out of nowhere and touched the table, the table instantly folded, almost trapping my fingers in the process. I looked up and saw Alex standing there, a small smirk on his stupid face. I groaned before pushing past him and placing the table on the ground, not too far away from the barbeque. I grabbed the alcohol and started placing it on the table, luckily Alexis had bought some plastic cups so I placed them beside the alcohol.

"What's happening here?" He asked and I sighed as I turned around to face him.

"We're tying our fucking shoes, what does it look like?" I asked as I pointed to the barbeque and he just sighed as he shook his head.

"Look, can we talk for two seconds please, without fighting?" He asked and I shrugged my shoulders as I walked off to get the remaining alcohol I had to leave at the stand. Alex followed behind me, I could hear his footsteps as they crashed into the grass. I picked up the crate of beer and pointed at the other one for Alex to get. He did so quickly and soon we were on our way back to the bus. "I'm sorry.. For everything that happened." He stated and I rolled my eyes.

"It was years ago Alex, leave it alone." I said and he just sighed. We finally got up to the table and I placed the crate on it, Alex placing his on top. He walked away afterwards and I groaned as I flopped down into the camping chair we had outside the bus.

"Why the long face, princess?" Charlie asked, a plastic cup of alcohol in his hand already. I chuckled at him and he grinned.

"The douche won't leave me alone." I stated and Charlie nodded with a grimace.

"It end that badly, huh?" He asked and I nodded as I looked down at my hands. He crouched down in front of me and put a finger on my chin to lift up my head. He smiled sadly at me and dropped his hand. "If it was that bad, then he isn't worth shit. But if you want to give him another chance, then we'll support you. Just do what makes you happy." He said before standing up in front of me.

"Charlie?" I asked and he raised his eyebrows as he looked at me. I giggled. "You're already drunk, aren't you?" I asked and he smiled lazily.

"Fuck yeah, baby." He said and I chuckled loudly.