A Place on My Pillow

Polly had to work a double shift at the bookstore. That night, at dinner, it was just Cady and Alex, strangely quiet and empty. Ever since they’d moved in, it had been just Cady and Alex, the two of them in their small home. Once Polly moved in, it was full of noise and warmth. She was always there when one of them was home and it was nice. They enjoyed her presence, even if she was reading and not saying a word.

“I miss Polly,” Cady whined.

“Me too,” Alex agreed, picking at his stew-from-a-can. It was quiet while they ate, the only sounds coming from Otto, as he yipped in his slept.

“Alex, I actually wanted to talk to you about something,” Cady said softly. Alex’s attention turned up to his younger sister. Although, she hated to be called his younger sister. I’m only 13 minutes younger. That’s what she would say.

“What about?”

“Polly.”

“Okay,” he said slowly, almost unsurely. He raised his glass to his lips, taking a drink.

“Are you in love with her?”

The question startled Alex so much that he spat water over his plate and the table. Cady’s expression didn’t change.

“I’m not in love with Polly. She’s just, she’s Polly. She’s our friend. No. Absolutely not.”

“The lady doth protest too much,” Cady said, getting up and taking her bowl to the garbage can.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure, you don’t. I know you better than that, Alex. I know when you’re falling for someone. And you’re falling for her hard.”

“I am not.”

“You stare at her like she hung the moon! Put her any higher on that pedestal and she’ll develop vertigo.”

“I got it, Cady.”

“I’m serious, Alex. You’re gonna get hurt again. Remember what happened with Kristen?”

“We promised,” Alex muttered, staring at his hands. His sister returned to the table and sat down with him, in Polly’s regular seat. She took his hands, which he had been playing with.

“I know, but what happened with Kristen did in fact happen. You can’t ignore it forever.”

“I was in love with her!”

“I know, but you have to let go of that anger towards her. You both wanted different things. She wanted to go to Germany to study, and you wanted to stay here.”

“It’s not that I wanted to stay here,” Alex grumbled. Cady hated having to remind him of Kristen. But he had to move on, especially if he was falling in love with Polly.

“I know. You and Kristen were going to grow old together and get married underneath a harvest moon and blah blah blah. But that’s over. Stop being bitter about her moving on with her life.”

“I’m not bitter,” he said, his voice small and low.

“No? I don’t believe that.”

“Fine! I’m bitter. Is that what you want to hear?”

“No. I want to hear that you aren’t still blaming yourself for what happened! You had a fight and she left! It’s over, Alex!”

Shiny tears glassed over Alex’s hazel eyes.

Kristen had been his first true love, the girl he thought he’d spend his life with. He’d even bought her a ring, but the night he was going to ask her to marry him, they’d gotten in a huge fight and she’d left. She got on a plane, two weeks early and went to Germany. He never heard from her after that, except for one letter apologizing. She had moved on. She was engaged to a German and they were living happily in a flat somewhere in Germany. The worst part was that Alex could still remember her mostly blue eyes, with those little green flecks. He could remember holding her hips, her hands delicately placed on his shoulders as they danced at her father’s wedding. She had looked so beautiful in that baby blue strapless dress, her light brown hair cut into a cute bob that framed her face. Kristen, his Kristen.

“I can’t, okay? I just can’t. I regret letting her leave like that. I should’ve went after her and apologized. I should’ve. I dunno what. But I should’ve done something!”

Cady stood up and rounded the table, embracing her brother as he started to cry. He hadn’t cried in a long time. He always had to be the strong one. He had to keep it together, or that’s at least the way he saw it. And even though it had been 3 years and two failed relationships since he’d seen her, he still tried to keep himself as level and put together as he could, just in case she came back to him. Cady knew all this. She knew the boy like the back of her hand, and she knew that if Kristen were to show back up, bags in hand and tears in her eyes, Alex wouldn’t even have to think twice before taking her back.

That’s what scared her. Alex was falling in love with Pollyanna. What happened if his past did show up? He couldn’t break poor Polly like that, not after all she’d been through.

“Promise me you’ll try to get over her. It’s been long enough. She’s not coming back to you.”

Alex merely nodded, his eyes still glistening with tears as he thought about Kristen, that impossible girl with eyes like the sky.