Don't Go

I came back from Haymitch’s completely mortified. I can’t believe he’d said that. Sure, Katniss and I had that whole couple ruse going, but that was ruined. I was just the second choice. She could’ve had whatever she wanted; Katniss is a pretty girl. With some meat on her bones and a smile on her face, she’s gorgeous. But she’s always been beautiful to me either way.

When I get back home, I hear the tub running upstairs. Katniss is supposed to be sleeping. Worried, I went upstairs and pressed my ear against the door; there was a faint sobbing. Not even embarrassed, I opened the door to the bathroom and saw her there.

Katniss was sitting in the tub, legs pulled to her chest. She leaned her head against her knees and tears streamed down her face. There was no response as I approached the tub. We were so familiar with each other’s bodies now, it wasn’t even embarrassing. Sitting on the edge, I started combing through Katniss’s knotty hair. Before long, I just took a cup from the sink and started pouring water over her hair gently. She shivered as I ran my hands through the cold water.

Katniss seemed to be healing nicely. Her skin had taken well to the grafts and was now the same olive color. The bumpy scars had evened out from treatments, just like mine. Her hair was growing back slowly though; even my eyebrows had grown back within the nine months since the revolution, some parts of Katniss’s hair were extremely long; other chunks were short, just touching her shoulders.

“I’m hideous.” She muttered. It was the first time I’d ever heard her say something about her appearance.

“You’re still pretty.” I commented lightly. I ran another hand through her hair.

“I want to do something about it. I feel gross.” She said, tugging at one of the longer locks.

“We can always get it cut. I’m sure Venia, Flavius, and Octavia would love to get their hands on your hair.” I murmured.

Katniss turned to me. “You think we can stop there? Just for a day? I don’t want to stay long.” She said miserably.

I nodded. “Sure. Did you pack things yet? I was about to call Gale in the morning.” I said.

Katniss nodded, and slowly came to her senses. She turned red and pulled her knees up to her chest again. “I’m naked.” She muttered.

I chuckled. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” I joked. She turned red and hid her smile. It was one of our fonder memories, a moment of embarrassment between the two of us.

During the Victory Tour I was so used to just walking into Katniss’s room unannounced, I did so one day to walk in on her changing.

From that day on, I always knocked.

Katniss stood up to take a towel; respectfully I turned around and faced the door. Once I knew she was covered up, I turned back to her. She’d pushed her dark hair behind her
shoulders.

“You know, once you cut it, you won’t be able to braid it for a while.” I reminded her.

Katniss nodded, tugging at her hair again. A clump came out and she winced. “I think it’s about time for a change, don’t you?”

This was a new development. Katniss usually wasn’t one for change.

“Yeah, change is good.” I said.

That night, I went to bed with a heavy feeling. I looked at the bags packed over by the door; there were just enough clothes for a week or two if we decided to stay in District 4 longer than we originally planned. Besides, I wanted to see Annie. Who would have known Annie was pregnant before Finnick died? Months after the revolution, Annie gave birth to a son named Ronan. He was tiny and adorable. I feel weird for saying it, but seeing Annie’s baby made me want to have kids someday. When I was younger I always dreamed of marrying Katniss and having kids, but I knew she didn’t want them. Besides, we weren’t in a relationship now. Plus, who else would take the tortured victor? No one would; the chances at children for me were pretty bleak.

But hey, I’m eighteen. I still have plenty of time.

I realized I hadn’t called Gale yet. Creeping downstairs, I realized it was probably extremely early in the morning. The sky was just turning a pale shade of pink and orange. Quickly, I grabbed the phone and dialed the number.

“Hello?” answered a sleepy sounding Gale.

“Uh, hi Gale…it’s Peeta.” I said. Gale and I had never really been friends. We’d been nice to each other during the rebellion, but that was the extent of our relationship. There was never any hate between us I guess. It was just never friendship.

“Peeta…is she okay? What’s wrong?” he asked.

I winced. Of course he’d only think I’d call if Katniss was hurt or sick. “No, Gale, she’s fine. She just wants to see you. We’re going to the Capitol tomorrow. Is it okay if we stopped by for a couple days?” I asked.

Gale’s breathing softened. “She wants to see me? Why?”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, it’s probably not because you guys were good friends or anything.” I said sarcastically.

Gale chuckled. “Sorry, I just…I didn’t think she was really talking to anyone. You guys can stay over. Just a warning, Jo might be annoying.”

My ears perked. “Jo? You mean Johanna?”

Gale coughed. “Uh, yeah, Johanna lives with me. When they asked her to come work on the base, they didn’t have any open apartments and her doctors didn’t want her living alone…so I offered her one of my rooms.” He said quickly. “You and Katniss will have to share a room though.”

I blushed. “Uh, that’s okay.”

Gale breathed slowly now. “So I’ll be seeing you two in the next few days?”

“Yeah, in a few. See you then, Gale.” I said before quickly hanging up the phone.

The next morning Katniss and I got on a train direct to the Capitol. It would take a day and a night to get there, and the last spot on the train available was one room-awkward. The small room on the train brought back so many memories, some we didn’t want to recall. As I sat on the bed, I remembered sneaking into the room to hold Katniss in her sleep. I’d watch her just lie there, breathing heavily, as if the weight of the world were on her shoulders.

“So I guess we’re sharing?” Katniss asked.

That burst my bubble. I blushed and stood up. “I can sleep on the floor.” I burst out.

Katniss sighed. “No, that’s not fair. Plus, the floor is cold. We can share; it’s no big deal.”
She shrugged.

Awkwardly, I climbed into bed with her. This was different than any other time we’d slept next to each other; we weren’t in danger of losing our lives the last time we slept like this. We both stared up at the ceiling as the faint rush of the train took over the silence.

“Can you sleep?” Katniss asked.

I shook my head against the pillow. “No, not really.”

Katniss turned on her side and faced me. “I’m scared to go to the Capitol. Everyone still judges me.” She confessed.

I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “No they don’t. You’re too hard on yourself, Katniss.” I argued. “They’ll understand.”

Katniss chuckled bitterly. “That’s the thing about you; you always seem to turn my flaws into the greatest thing in the world.”

I smiled weakly. “Only because you were there when I was flawed.”

Katniss’s face softened. “Yeah.”

I didn’t mean for the words of the movement to be so intimate, but somehow we ended up holding hands. It wasn’t romantic or anything; it was just like a reassurance that the other would be there in the morning.

With Katniss, that was all I could ever ask for.

Before long, Katniss fell asleep. She lightly hummed as I watched her. I found myself drifting off as well, and I squeezed her hand. It was probably well into the early hours by the time I’d fallen asleep. We’d be at the Capitol in a few hours most likely.

I didn’t want to believe what Katniss said. She was the mockingjay. Everyone loved her, right? There was a reason they took her instead of me. But after everything that happened almost a year ago, I can’t be so sure.