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Half Wit

Emelie Joan Armstrong is sixteen years old, and the oldest child of Billie Joe Armstrong, front man of the famous punk-trio Green Day. Her life, although it might seem eccentric to others, always struck her as being fairly normal…though it still has some more things for her to encounter.

Disclaimer: I don't know Green Day and I have never met them. I'm simply buying their records and listening to their music. Nothing else. Excluding the names of the Green Day members and their respective families, of course, names, characters, places and incidents featured in this story are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons [living or dead], events, or institutions is coincidental.

Note: Billie Joe Armstrong is 39 in this story, and his wife Adrienne – just like in real life – is 5 years older than him, making her 44 years old. (This information is based on the book Nobody Likes You from Marc Spitz) Emelie is the oldest of the three kids at the age of 16. Joey and Jakob are their original ages, 12 and 9 (going on 13 and 10 later in the story) just like in real life. So the only ages that are changed are those of Billie and Adrienne, this being only for the story so the ages would be more realistic.
  1. Chapter 1
    "You know your father is Billie Joe Armstrong right?"
  2. Chapter 2
    “I still think Spiderman is better,"
  3. Chapter 3
    “Yeah...since Mike is so much hotter than you and stuff...”
  4. Chapter 4
    “Next thing we know you come home with a tattoo of a big chicken on your back!”
  5. Chapter 5
    “Emelie, could you get your rock star dad to be more...male and less female?”
  6. Chapter 6
    “Couldn't you use the front door? You know, like normal people?”
  7. Chapter 7
    “Well besides the fact that Tré is now making kissy faces at me at the other side of the room, pretty fine I'd say,”
  8. Chapter 8
    "Tré stop groping me!"
  9. Chapter 9
    “Andrea! Just...whatever you do..don't eat the tree okay?”
  10. Chapter 10
    "We'd call you Dobja for short! Now come on, who else has an awesome nickname like that?"
  11. Chapter 11
    "Just make sure they're staying away from my eyeliner!"
  12. Chapter 12
    “...I like your bum bum too,”
  13. Chapter 13
    “Oh where is the time your mother and I had phone sex!”
  14. Chapter 14
    “It's not because you're not getting laid that I'm not."
  15. Chapter 15
    “...You can get high on coffee now?”
  16. Chapter 16
    “I didn't give her anything, that boy from the bar kept giving her vodka and started flirting with her and me, the little ***!”
  17. Chapter 17
    “Emelie! I think Lou is malfunctioning!”
  18. Chapter 18
    “Oh we're just making sure that by the end of the tour everyone will go to Billie and tell their congratulations on our fake engagement.”
  19. Chapter 19
    “Actually a lot of girls tend to do that,”
  20. Chapter 20
    I swear, if I got to die one day, I want to arrange my funeral myself and have it before I die, just to make sure I can actually join in on the mourning.”