Stupid and Fearless

CARSON

“This is your bunk,” Landon pointed toward the bunks inside the huge tour bus that All Time Low had somehow managed to get. “Bus call is usually at eleven-thirty, but it does vary. I’m just a few bunks away if you need me. I do share a bunk with Alex…so fair warning.”
I shook my head at her.
“As long as I don’t have to hear you two fucking, I’m good,” I shrugged.
Landon rolled her eyes.
“Do you have any questions?”
“What do I do?” Ronnie asked my sister. “Am I just here?”
“Yeah, you don’t have to do anything,” She smiled at him, but I could tell that she was slightly uneasy around him. Hell, I was too when I first met him. But Ronnie’s a big teddy bear, I swear he is.
“Oh okay,” He replied with a small smile. “Thanks for letting me come on tour,”
“No problem,” Landon replied. “I’ve got to start getting set up for the show. You guys can settle for a little bit, but I’m going to need you soon, Carson.”
“Alright,” I nodded. Landon gave a small smile before she walked toward the front of the bus, and off in a flash. I turned to look at Ronnie. He was smiling a sad smile, looking around the bus. I walked closer to him, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. “What’s wrong?”
“I miss it,” He admitted, looking down at me. “I really fucking miss touring. I miss being in a bus and playing music every night,”
“You don’t have to wait much longer before you get to do all of this again,” I smiled at him. “You have a new band, you’re sober, and you’re going to record the album. You’re going to be back. You’re going to be better than you were before, Ronnie. I know that you will. I believe in you,”
Ronnie’s small smile turned into a bigger one.
“Ya know, that’s what I really love about you,”
“What is?” I asked with a huge smile.
“No matter what I’ve done in my past, you still believe in me. You’re the best,” I lifted my head and waited for Ronnie to kiss me. He did sweetly and pulled away from me. “I knew you were special when you told me that you believed me when we first met,”
“I knew that you weren’t all that bad, that’s all. Turns out that I was extremely correct about you, Mr. Radke,” I stated playfully. “Do you want to come keep Landon and I company? I don’t want you having any awkward run-ins with the band or crew that haven’t met you yet,”
Ronnie rolled his eyes.
“They can’t be that bad of guys. I know that you’ve got some kind of beef with them, but is it really so bad that they’ll hate me? I doubt it,”
I sighed.
“I don’t know if they will or not,” I answered honestly. “We better get going,”
Ronnie took my hand in his, and we walked off of the bus together. Ronnie looked at the venue and sighed. I gave his hand an extra squeeze. He’s been to this venue before, that’s for sure. I know that it hurts him, and I really want it not to bother him. That’s of course better said than done. I know that part of him is always going to miss his old friends, the friends that were there before they got into drugs. Ronnie just got a little misguided. It’s nothing to bad. He had definitely learned his lesson.
I admire Ronnie. I really do. He’s one of the strongest people I know. He’s been through more than a lot of people have, and yet he came out of it a stronger person. It’s hard to do something like that. He even stays with me when I go a little crazy with the drinking. He makes me feel safe and dangerous at the same time. Does that make sense? Ronnie’s different, and he looks like a total badass, which he is. He’s taught me a whole lot more about life than a lot of people have.
“Are you ready to work?” Ronnie mocked me.
I rolled my eyes.
“Yes,”
He laughed.
“I get that you’re a total princess and all, but do you really hate the word work so much?”
“I do, and you know that. I don’t know what it is about that word, but I just can’t stand it. I can’t stand working period. Call me whatever you want to, but it’s the truth.”
Ronnie kissed the side of my head.
“At least you’re honest, babe.” He stated.
“I try to be,” I shrugged. “I may be a bitch, but I’m an honest one. Lying gets you no where in life anyway. It’s just shortcut people use that actually makes you even more lost than you were before.”
“Inciteful.” He mumbled.
“Thank you,” I replied, walking toward Landon’s booth that she had already set up. She was looking over her sketch book closely. I stopped in front of the table. “What are you doing?”
Landon’s head snapped up.
“That was quick.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I rolled my eyes. “What are you working on, seriously?”
“I was trying to design a new tank top. It’s not really working the way that I wanted it to. I’ve been trying to fix it,”
I hummed and nodded.
“Can Ronnie keep us company while we ‘work’?” I asked.
“Sure,” Landon nodded, looking back down at her sketch book. “Come help me with this. I just can’t seem to get it to work out right,”
I took the pencil from her hand, and the sketch pad. The shirt design that she had drawn was different. It was definitely our type of clothing for the line. But there was something wrong with it. She couldn’t get the straps the way that she wanted them, and they looked rather tacky. I huffed, and chewed on my lip. It took me a minute, but I changed the design just a tad bit. As soon as the design was changed, I could change the straps. I fixed them a little bit, making one wider and the other a little smaller. Once I was happy with the outcome, I handed the pad back to Landon. My twin sister wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug.
“You’re welcome,” I laughed.
“This is why I needed you! None of my designs were turning out right. I needed my partner in crime,” Landon replied. “Now our booth gets sort of filled up before and after the shows. I’m kind of famous…slightly. I’m mostly known as Alex’s fiancé or girl friend, and sometimes even ‘that one chick’. Yeah, they’ll come up and sometimes be nice or mean. Depending on the fan….”
I looked at her and I raised my eyebrows.
“Seriously?”
“Yupp. This is what you’ve been missing the entire time,”
I rolled my eyes.
“Lovely. That’s just what I need.”
“Trust me, I’ve came close to beating the hell out of some of them. Then I remember that most of them are like thirteen and it’s against the law.” Landon stated. Ronnie and I laughed at her lightly. Landon looked between Ronnie and I and she smiled a small smile. “But do you have the booth. I’ve got some sound checking to do,”
“Alright. Don’t worry about us. I’ve got this under control,” I stated, placing my hands on my hips. “And if I don’t, I’ve got Ronnie. He’s like a building with feet,”
Landon rolled her eyes, and hugged me one more time.
“Thanks for doing this again for me, Cars.”
“You’re welcome,” I smiled before my twin headed toward the stage where she grabbed Jack’s brand new fixed guitar. She started to go to work tuning the guitar.
“So that’s Landon?”
“Some of her,” I sighed. “She’s changed a lot in the past few years. I don’t really know what happened, but she just turned into someone completely different. Not that I’m really complaining. She was huge whore, but now she’s only with Alex. She was just into drinking all of the time, and other stuff. I’m just surprised that she’s not as sarcastic as she used to be,”
“Babe, we’ve been with her for two hours. Surely that’s not enough to tell if she’s completely changed. Give it some time. I’m sure that she’s just as sarcastic as you remember,”
I rolled my eyes and shoved him slightly.
“At least she’s happy with Alex. He’s good for her.”
“How long have they been together?” Ronnie asked me, linking our hands together.
“About four and a half years, I think…” I trailed off.
“How cute. How did they meet?”
I stole a look at Ronnie and I shook my head.
“You don’t wanna know,”
“Why not?”
“It’s a long story. I’ll it to you later, okay? I promise.” I smiled. Ronnie nodded and started fold clothes. “How in the hell did you learn to fold like that?”
“I have been to a department store before, Carson,”
“Yes, Ronnie I know this.” I replied. “I just didn’t expect you to pay attention to the employees,”
“Sorry, I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Be quite goofball,”

[c]♥[/c]

“You weren’t kidding about these kids,” I stated, looking at the swarming teens in the venue. “They’re so many of them,”
Landon nodded.
“Tell me about it. This has been my life for the past few tours. Not to mention that I get death threats sometimes,”
My eyes grew wide.
“You’re kidding me?”
“Sometimes I honestly wish that I was. It’s not easy dating a musician, Carson.”
I laughed.
“I know, Landon.”
“Oh…sorry…I didn’t mean to bring him up,” She apologized for her slip up.
“No, not Jack, I was talking about Ronnie.” I stated. “He was in a band before the one he is in now called Escape The Fate. Heard of them?”
“Oh! Sorry,” She laughed. “I just assumed...”
“It’s okay. Ronnie’s just finished recording and stuff for his new band. That’s why I was in Vegas.”
Landon nodded.
“He seems nice.”
“He’s the best, Lan. He makes me happy,” I smiled. “Though that scares me a little bit. I haven’t been this close to someone in a while. I’ve been with Ronnie for a whole lot longer than I’ve been with Jack. Techonically we’ve been together for a year or so.”
“That long and you didn’t tell me? Bitch!”
I laughed.
“It was only official just a little while ago,” I added, trying to make her feel better. “So you shouldn’t feel that bad,”
Landon shook her head and laughed. A huge group of teens came up to the table and started buying our clothing line. I was a little surprised at how many people liked our clothes. Landon had a proud smile on her face the entire time which made me smile. It was sweet that she found something that she was so passionate about and to be with someone that she loved with all of her heart.
A part of me wants to believe that I’ll find love with Alex and Landon, but a much bigger part knows that I won’t. I don’t know why I feel this way, but I just do. Ever since Jack, love hasn’t been my forte at all. I fucking suck at relationships. I’m not as bad as Landon used to be, because I don’t hook up, but I’m still terrible. Until Ronnie actually got out of jail, I’ve been pretty much by myself. I’m just now getting back into the swing of being with someone besides myself.
A huge roar of the crowd I knew that the opening band had came on the stage. I’ve seen enough concerts to know that it was about to start. The girls quickly got their clothes and went to stand in the pit, which was basically all there was. There was a bar on the other side of the room, and some chairs, but not a lot. I turned toward Landon, who had started to put out some more clothes for stragglers coming into the room. I haven’t been to one of their concerts in a while, and the crowd has seriously grown twice the size as the one I went to with Landon and our high school friends.
“It’s different, isn’t it?” Landon asked me with a small smile.
I nodded.
“There are so many people in here.”
Landon laughed.
“By the time the guys get on, the crowd will double. I promise.” She replied. “I’m going to go get some water. Do you want anything to drink?”
“Get me a beer or whatever,” I shrugged.
“Alright,” She said before walking away.
I turned around and sat down on Ronnie’s lap while I waited for Landon to return. As soon as she got back, I started to down my drink. I needed it if I was going to be watching All Time Low. Landon was right too. By the time that they got on stage, the crowd doubled and was ten times as loud. I was speechless as I watched them completely freak out over the guys coming on the stage. Even from this angle I could tell that Rian was skinner than he was when I first met him. Zack was fucking huge compared to how he used to look. He was also covered in tattoos! That didn’t really make sense to me, but oh well. His hair was actually brown, and straightened to perfection.
Then there was Jack. He ran on stage much like he did a few years ago, but a few things were clearly obvious. Jack had grown up. He was no longer sporting the skunk hair. His hair was all now black, and cut a different way. His hair stuck up in different directions, which somehow worked for him. Jack was wearing nearly all black. He had on black ultra tight skinny jeans some Nike’s, and some black shirt that had a huge log on it. I studied it for a minute when I could read that it said JAGK in big letters; whatever that stood for. I could honestly care less. Then Alex ran on stage and they started to play.
I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off of them the entire time. More importantly, Jack was the one I was staring at. He just looked so different. I wouldn’t probably notice that it was him if it wasn’t for All Time Low playing. I know that sounds stupid, cause it basically just changed his hair, but I’m oblivious to the world around me. I wouldn’t know that it was him, simple as that. He probably wouldn’t notice me if he saw me either. Sure, I have the same face, but my hair, tattoos, and fashion would probably throw him off.
“Now we’re going to play a song that I wrote forever ago about a certain person. It’s an old one. Sing along if you know the words, fuckers!” He yelled into the mic.
I saw that Landon shifted from the place that she was standing. I couldn’t tell if she was upset or happy about the song. Whatever it was, I knew that the song was about her. Alex and Landon have basically had the perfect relationship since they started to date openly. It’s like they were made for each other, which they probably were. I tapped my foot to the beat of the song while they started to play it.

Time to lay claim to the evidence
Finger prints sold me out
But our footprints wash away
From the docks downtown
It's been getting late for days
And I think myself deserving of
A little time off,
We can kick it here for hours and
Just mouth off about the world
And how we know it's going straight to Hell
Pass me another bottle honey, the Jaeger's so sweet
But if it keeps you around, then I'm down

Meet me on Thames Street
I'll take you out, though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce but I'm warm enough
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit
South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself,
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars

I should have known better than to call you out
[On a night like this, a night like this]
If not for you, I know I'd tear this place to the ground
[But I'm alright like this, alright like this]
I'm gonna roll the dice before you sober up and get gone
[I'm always in over my head]

Thames Street
I'll take you out, though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce but I'm warm enough

Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit
South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself,
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars

Time to lay claim to the evidence
Finger prints sold me out
But our foot prints washed away
I'm guilty but I'm safe for one more day
Overdressed and underage
[What a let down]
Do you really need to see an id?
This is embarrassing as Hell
[What a let down]
But I can cover for it so well
When we're six feet under the stars

Thames Street
I'll take you out, though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce but I'm warm enough
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit
South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself,
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars

[Whoa oh, whoa oh, whoa oh]
Six feet under the stars
[Whoa oh, whoa oh oh]
Six feet under the stars

As soon as the guys were off of the stage for the final time tonight, the crowd went insane. They had already played an encore, yet the crowd wanted to see more. Hell, even I wanted to see more. That’s definitely not something that I’ll ever admit out loud, but it’s so true. I can’t help but want to hug them all. Even if I was around them only for a little while, I was still insanely proud of the guys. They were talented. The guys started to come out and I held my breath. I watched silently as they passed our table with clothes. I was praying that Jack didn’t see me. I was thought I was in the clear but in the last second, he looked my way. For one intense moment, we made eye contact, and I couldn’t look away. Jack looked confused for a minute.
Then he looked away, barely even blinking.