Status: Active.
Remembering Sunday
I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret.
"Julie, can I rape you?" Valerie squealed, throwing her arms around me as we got ready for the May anime convention 2010.
"Already done that, babe." I replied with a grin, returning her hug.
Valerie was my best friend at the time. She was in the year above me and the most beautiful girl I had met. I guess I did like her a bit. I mean, she was gorgeous, awesome and generally amazing. Despite her stupid theories. When I look at pictures of us now, I think to myself how beautiful she was and how I was just her pudgy, baby-faced friend. It's funny how I used to think the world of her, do anything to seek her approval. Two years later, I walked past her in the school halls, like a stranger. It kind of hurt thinking of all the amazing memories. But we had gone two different ways. Those two years later, she was in year 11, her last year of high school. She was suddenly popular, constantly partying, turning up in school high or with a hangover. She wasn't as beautiful as she used to be, but she was still pretty.
Me? I was pretty much a loner. I'd sit in the library at lunchtime, reading or writing. I loved books. I loved writing stories. I didn't smoke, do drugs, didn't drink.
The worst I did was have sex occasionally.
She was the person who brought new people into my life. She set me up with my first boyfriend, the guy who stole my innocence. My virginity.
Gave me the label of a backstabbing slut.
All by the age of thirteen.
But of course, everything happens for a reason. Along with the relationship I had with Joe, came a problem best friend. I had thought of Matt as a problem at first. Nothing more than a guy wanting what he couldn't have. When we first started talking, I was in year 8(7th grade in the US.). I was extremely bored in Religious Education so I started texting him. It was innocent enough for the first few days. But then, we started flirting. Heavily.
At the age of thirteen, I didn't think much of it. Just a bit of a thrill, something new. So my surprise, I was quite good at it.
Weeks passed, and I lost friends. It wasn't because I had a boyfriend, it was because Matt and my ex friend Haylie kissed Matt at the convention we went to. So therefore I was a bitch for being close with a guy who only remembered her as the girl he kissed.
Later on, he remembered her as the girl who spread rumours about us and 'insulted his little precious charge. Over the Summer, we spent every evening on the phone. I was in Poland. We also established that he was my guardian angel and I was his charge.
I had gone through too much for a thirteen year old girl, and Matt was the first to know about all of it. My whole past. The abuse, the hallucinations, the molesting, the ghosts. He knew every one of my insecurities. He was my world, I couldn't breathe without him. Everything he said and did was right. By September he had me wrapped around his little finger; I was so in love with him even though I was in denial.
The October anime convention came quickly. By this time, I knew he loved me. But I was afraid to admit it to myself, my insecurities wouldn't let me believe it.
All of that Saturday, I spent with him. We talked, hugged, teased each other.
Me in my little black dress, his skinny arms around me, his lips in my hair, on my neck or shoulder. I remember vividly being wrapped up in his arms, oh so secure. I had never, never felt so safe. My fringe was a curtain between our faces and I could see him staring at me with those blue eyes that could get me to do anything.
I thought that nothing could go wrong. I thought everything would be perfect. That I had met the love of my life. But I was wrong.
I had no idea what sort of pain he would put me through.
How much false hope he would feed me. How much he would tear me apart.
I never knew he was only my first love; only a guy I would remember for the rest of my life.
Even now, at nineteen, I can still see the scars on my arms.
Three days after the convention, I told him I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. And I knew it was true. I meant it with my entire being, soul, everything and anything more. For a week or so, everything was perfect. We were all lovey-dovey with the cute little messages and serenades, the heartfelt 'I love you's.
But, everything comes to an end.
He broke my heart. But no, he didn't end the torture on a simple "I'm sorry, I was wrong about my feelings." I know it was partially my fault for being so blind, but I loved him unconditionally. I'd grab at any chance I got.
So he kept stringing me along.
Flirting, giving me false hope, quitting on me, everything.
I don't blame him.
Honestly.
He couldn't help his feelings, he was confused.
He's still my close friend up to this day,
But that's not the point for now.
Let me tell you the story of me; Juliet Szmit and him; Matthew Harrison.
Well, my story and how he altered everything.
Some would say in a bad way. But how I see it, those bad things made me a stronger person and caused the things that happens.
Hence the saying "everything happens for a reason."
Let's fast-forward this to late August'11.
"Already done that, babe." I replied with a grin, returning her hug.
Valerie was my best friend at the time. She was in the year above me and the most beautiful girl I had met. I guess I did like her a bit. I mean, she was gorgeous, awesome and generally amazing. Despite her stupid theories. When I look at pictures of us now, I think to myself how beautiful she was and how I was just her pudgy, baby-faced friend. It's funny how I used to think the world of her, do anything to seek her approval. Two years later, I walked past her in the school halls, like a stranger. It kind of hurt thinking of all the amazing memories. But we had gone two different ways. Those two years later, she was in year 11, her last year of high school. She was suddenly popular, constantly partying, turning up in school high or with a hangover. She wasn't as beautiful as she used to be, but she was still pretty.
Me? I was pretty much a loner. I'd sit in the library at lunchtime, reading or writing. I loved books. I loved writing stories. I didn't smoke, do drugs, didn't drink.
The worst I did was have sex occasionally.
She was the person who brought new people into my life. She set me up with my first boyfriend, the guy who stole my innocence. My virginity.
Gave me the label of a backstabbing slut.
All by the age of thirteen.
But of course, everything happens for a reason. Along with the relationship I had with Joe, came a problem best friend. I had thought of Matt as a problem at first. Nothing more than a guy wanting what he couldn't have. When we first started talking, I was in year 8(7th grade in the US.). I was extremely bored in Religious Education so I started texting him. It was innocent enough for the first few days. But then, we started flirting. Heavily.
At the age of thirteen, I didn't think much of it. Just a bit of a thrill, something new. So my surprise, I was quite good at it.
Weeks passed, and I lost friends. It wasn't because I had a boyfriend, it was because Matt and my ex friend Haylie kissed Matt at the convention we went to. So therefore I was a bitch for being close with a guy who only remembered her as the girl he kissed.
Later on, he remembered her as the girl who spread rumours about us and 'insulted his little precious charge. Over the Summer, we spent every evening on the phone. I was in Poland. We also established that he was my guardian angel and I was his charge.
I had gone through too much for a thirteen year old girl, and Matt was the first to know about all of it. My whole past. The abuse, the hallucinations, the molesting, the ghosts. He knew every one of my insecurities. He was my world, I couldn't breathe without him. Everything he said and did was right. By September he had me wrapped around his little finger; I was so in love with him even though I was in denial.
The October anime convention came quickly. By this time, I knew he loved me. But I was afraid to admit it to myself, my insecurities wouldn't let me believe it.
All of that Saturday, I spent with him. We talked, hugged, teased each other.
Me in my little black dress, his skinny arms around me, his lips in my hair, on my neck or shoulder. I remember vividly being wrapped up in his arms, oh so secure. I had never, never felt so safe. My fringe was a curtain between our faces and I could see him staring at me with those blue eyes that could get me to do anything.
I thought that nothing could go wrong. I thought everything would be perfect. That I had met the love of my life. But I was wrong.
I had no idea what sort of pain he would put me through.
How much false hope he would feed me. How much he would tear me apart.
I never knew he was only my first love; only a guy I would remember for the rest of my life.
Even now, at nineteen, I can still see the scars on my arms.
Three days after the convention, I told him I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him. And I knew it was true. I meant it with my entire being, soul, everything and anything more. For a week or so, everything was perfect. We were all lovey-dovey with the cute little messages and serenades, the heartfelt 'I love you's.
But, everything comes to an end.
He broke my heart. But no, he didn't end the torture on a simple "I'm sorry, I was wrong about my feelings." I know it was partially my fault for being so blind, but I loved him unconditionally. I'd grab at any chance I got.
So he kept stringing me along.
Flirting, giving me false hope, quitting on me, everything.
I don't blame him.
Honestly.
He couldn't help his feelings, he was confused.
He's still my close friend up to this day,
But that's not the point for now.
Let me tell you the story of me; Juliet Szmit and him; Matthew Harrison.
Well, my story and how he altered everything.
Some would say in a bad way. But how I see it, those bad things made me a stronger person and caused the things that happens.
Hence the saying "everything happens for a reason."
Let's fast-forward this to late August'11.
♠ ♠ ♠
So this is just the beginning. I know it sounds boring, but it gets better.I'd rather you didn't say that this is pathetic, because the first few chapters will be based on real events.