All In His Actions

His arms slid around my waist. My own hands slid along his arms to rest over his connected hands. "What are you up to?" I asked. 

"Coming to see why my bride is standing alone outside on the night of her wedding," he answered. His lips pressed a kiss on my neck. 

His kisses didn't affect me. He didn't have any of that kind of power over me. He never did. If he had been someone else, he would have had power over me. He would have been able to affect me. 

But he was Tyler. He would never be Jordan. 

"You okay?" he asked me when I didn't respond in any way to him. 

I wanted to say no. I really wanted to scream out that I wasn't okay, that I didn't want this life, that I wanted Jordan back. But I couldn't do that to him. He was too kind to me. 

I didn't respond again. Tyler's arms finally fell from around me. He stood to my side and stared at my face. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" he whispered. 

I swallowed hard. No. Of course I wasn't okay with this. I wasn't in love with him at all. I wanted to run home, find Jordan standing in front of me with his arms wide open for me, and cry into his chest. I hadn't been happy in so long. 

I could still remember the last time I felt higher than cloud nine. 

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"Jordan!" I yelled through my laughter. 

His thick arms wrapped around my waist tightly. He lifted me up off the ground. Before I could say anything else, I was gasping for breath as we began to disappear into the lake. 

We surfaced together, wide smiles on our faces. His soaked blonde hair hung around his forehead. His bright blue eyes were shining. I pressed a hard kiss against his lips. His hands slowly circled around my waist. 

"I love you," he told me. 

I let my wide smile show. "I love you more," I challenged. 

He chuckled. "Not possible!" he declared. 

He pushed away from me and began swimming backwards. "I love you!" he said louder as the distance between us grew. 

I laughed and began following him, though at a slower pace. 

"I love you so much!" he yelled as he kept swimming back. 

My heart was soaring in my chest. The way he made me feel was like no other. He put me in such a great mood. I was never as happy as I was with him. Even the college kids drinking and making a ruckus around us couldn't distract me. 

I made a long stroke under water to push me further from the shore and closer to my fiancée. He pushed himself further away as he chuckled. "I love you more than anything else in this world!" he yelled. 

I laughed. "You're full of it, Jordan!" I called. 

He laid back in the water. "I love Charlotte De Vos - soon to be Staal!" he yelled into the air as loud as he possibly could. 

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But that amazing moment was gone seconds later. My good day had been taken away and my entire world was broken down. 

Tyler leaned against the railing, mirroring my stance. "Where's your ring?" he asked softly. 

I held up my left hand. I didn't even want to look at that ring. I hated it with such a burning passion. The gold band was disgusting. The massive diamond made me want to hurl. The inscription on the inside made me want to hit someone. 

"Not my ring, Charlie. His ring," he muttered darkly. 

I hung my head in shame. My hand slipped into the front of my dress. Pinned to the inside right above my heart was a small ring. It had a thin silver band with a small diamond in the center. To either side of it were five smaller diamonds. Eleven in total. It was simple and perfect in every way. The inscription in the band read the date we were supposed to get married and the date we met. 

Tyler stared at the ring with the same disgust I wanted to show every time I looked at the ring on my finger. 

"Why'd you even marry me?" Tyler asked in frustration. "I know you'd still rather marry him!"

I wanted to cry. I wanted Jordan back more than anything, I'd be the first to admit that. I missed him so much. I missed his kisses, his hugs, and his voice. I missed our jokes. I missed him calling me Lottie. I wanted him to come home so badly. 

"I'm sorry," I whispered. 

He let out a sigh. "I don't know how I was so oblivious to this before hand. You want him back. So go get him back. We'll fix everything when we get home," he promised. He was surprisingly calm. 

"I'm sorry I did this, Charlie," he told me sincerely. 

I shook my head. "It was all me," I told him. I gave him a weak smile that he returned. 

"Head on to the hotel. I'll tell everyone you felt really sick," he told me. 

"Thank you, Tyler. For... Everything," I told him. He shrugged it off with a smile. "You'll find someone who actually deserves you one day."

He laughed and headed inside. I snuck around the building and slid into my car. I knew the keys were still inside, Tyler never remembered to take them out.

The ten minute drive to our hotel went by in silence. I was itching to get out of this dress. I wanted to wear something more comfortable. 

And so when I got into my room, I curled up in his jersey. I inhaled deeply, pretending it still smelled like him. And then I let my tears go. I wanted him back so much. I missed him so much. I dialed his number and listened to it ring. Finally his voicemail came on. "Hey! You've reached Jordan. Leave me a message and I'll think about calling you back," his voice recited. His laughter followed before being cut off by a beep. 

"I miss you so much," I cried out. "I love you. I loved you so much, even now. Why'd you have to leave?" I asked, just like I'd wondered so many times before. I hung up and dropped my phone onto the mattress. 

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Our laughter was interrupted by the loud sound of a motor. Jordan's eyes widened in terror. "Charlotte, move!" he cried out. He paddled to move me away, but I couldn't move. I couldn't think. All I saw was that boat heading directly to him. 

I let out a scream louder than the cry of pain that escaped his lips before he was pushed under the water. The roaring drunks on the boat were oblivious to everything around them. 

Their boat sped on with not a care in the world. I cried as I swam as fast as I could to Jordan. His bloody body was limp in the water. I screamed for help, but no one heard me. So I looped my arm around his chest and put his arm around me. I swam as hard as I could to the shore. 

"Jordan, please respond! Wake up! Please! Please!" I sobbed out. My hands cupped his face. "Please wake up, Jordan," I whispered. 

But he didn't. He never would again. His body was limp and unmoving. The blade of the motor has torn up his gut. It was gruesome and heart breaking. I felt like I'd been torn up, as well. 

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Four years after the accident, I was still only devoted to him. Even being with Tyler, I could never say anything loving to him. My heart was still with that blonde giant who used to play hockey.