We're Ghosts in a Hail of Bullets

Tate and I walked home after he kissed me. We held hands like a normal couple. Our fingers were intertwined perfectly. His long and manly fingers clasped around my tiny ones. I seemed to walk lopsided for some reason. I would awkwardly bump into his arm with my shoulder as I accidentally lost my footing. He would chuckle at me like I was a small child who did something foolish, but after he would brush my cheek with his thumb and say I was "cute". This would cause my face to beat red. I'm not sure why. We talked on our walk back to my house about our usual things. Tate enjoyed asking me a hundred questions and this time I actually answered them with full sentence answers. Most of them were centered around Halloween and ghost stories. He asked me my favorite horror movie. Instead of answering with one film, I gave him a list that ranged from the original Nightmare on Elm Street to the Saw series to Evil Dead and ending with American Psycho.

"Have you seen Bundy?" he asked. I answered with a yes. He continued to go down a list of movies based off of real serial killers such as Gacy, Dahmer, the Helter Skelter Murders, the Zodiac Killers, and Monster. Of course I've seen them all once or twice. Maybe more. We planned on renting all of the movies and doing a serial killer marathon. Staying up all night with popcorn and murder movies with Tate seemed pretty perfect, a side from my parents who would opposite the whole idea. Boys were never allowed to stay the night unless they knew the boy for ten years or more. Like my friend Dakota back in Vermont. We've known each other since kindergarten and he's one of two boys that my parents trust me alone with. The other would be my friend Jake whose known me just as long. If my parents knew that Tate and I were spending so much time together, alone, I have a feeling they would ground me and Tate would be banned from the house for a short period of time. The punishment wouldn't be extremely severe but it would be tedious and useless so why even bother? It wasn't hard to hide our time together. My parents hardly stayed at the house for more than a few hours a day and the only other person there was Moira. I had a strong feeling that she didn't mind. I had to think of a lie before we reached my house. I couldn't admit that I was at an abandoned insane asylum with a strange boy from across the street. I rather tell my mom after a few days that I met a nice boy who lives across the street. One day this week I would tell her about Tate and my interest in him. Until them he was my little secret.

He kissed me goodnight a block away from my house. His arms were wrapped around my small waist while I stood on my toes, arms around his neck, and embracing his lips with mine. We stood there for a while. Sparks went off in my brain. They were more like fireworks. Explosions of vibrant reds, bright blues, and dazzling greens all went off in my mind. I wanted to dip into his imagination and see if we saw the same fireworks. But his mind remained intangible to my mortal hands. I wanted to see into his mind. When we depart to go home, does he think of me like I think of him? He clouds my thoughts now in some pathetic way. I felt like some teenage damsel with a knight in blood stained armor. We Tate left my side I would lay in my bed, thinking of him, wishing he were there, and replaying the events that we shared today. I hoped that this was just a symptom of falling into love and would soon be remedied as time passed. One half of me loved the feeling of being in love but another half knew how stupid it was. I spent most of my life out of relationships rather than in them. Most of my relationships in Vermont never lasted more than five months while I knew people who have been with the same person for years. Of course, high school romances usually don’t last forever, but I want them to feel like it. Being the single friend in a pool of couples is an awkward situation, but I learned to examined the people surround rather than be a bitter loner. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed while I was single is that love is based off of ignorance. Maybe it only the people I was around, but their relationships were complete ignorant. Every problem, whether it be family issues or self issues, is fixed by a boy or a girl who holds their hand or kisses their cheek. Single life brings on loneliness and low self-esteem but relationships bring love, butterflies, and happiness. I don’t understand any of it and I try to stay away from the ignorant relationships but every time I fall for a boy I can feel the stupidity that my heart exudes crawls it’s way into my brain. Soon I’m infected with love.
My door creaked open and my mother appeared. She was popping off the fake vampire fangs that she applied earlier today. The glue used to hold them into her teeth was already falling off of the fake fangs. She was wearing her long, plush, black dress with black granny boots. She was trying to kick them off as she slipped into my room.
“How was your Halloween?” she asked, owing at the pain that ached in her feet.

“It was fine,” I replied with a shrug, closing my book with a finger in the middle of the page. She stood by the door, dropping a few inches in height once the boots were officially off of her feet. “What did you do?” she asked with a yawn. Her make-up was worn off of her face. The pale white cream she used to cover her face and the dark red lipstick was practically smeared away completely.

“I walked around the neighborhood with some kids from school,” I lied casually. Her face seemed to light up when I mentioned students from school. I suppose she was shocked that I made friends who don’t really exist.

“Who?” she asked surprised and excited. I shrugged again and twisted my lips.

“A kid from my fourth hour named Alex and a girl from third hour named Jessica,” I lied once again. Guilt washed over me immediately as my lies spewed from my lips like venom to my soul. Most teenage girls could lie like second nature, but my mother never gave me reason to lie. I was a good child and no matter what my choice we could always come to a mutual agreement. The only thing that we’ve yet to agree was my education. We had frequent arguments about college and my future career. Other than that we agreed on everything.
She made her way over to my bed, rubbing my knee gingerly, and smiling. “I’m glad you’ve made friends,” she said as she kissed the top of my head and then left me alone. I flipped my book back open and scanned the pages and it’s words. I was reading the book The Hunger Games. It was a going away present from my friends Zach and Mike. I was suppose to call Zach when I finished it and he would mail Catching Fire. So far the book was good. I was at the part where Katniss blows up the Career tributes’ food and supplies. I was around page two-hundred-twenty when I placed my bookmark in and then turned over to go to sleep. The streetlight outside my window gave my room a little bit of light but it was quickly shadowed by my closing eyes. I snuggled up to my pillow and blanket, searching for the faint warmth they gave me. My dad learned how to use to thermostat it seems and he refused to turn the heat up. Like most fathers he worries about the heating bill rather than any other bill that this house needs to function. The house fell cold as the early morning hours approached. My eyes were closed by I couldn’t sleep. It had to be some time around 3:00 A.M. when I forced myself awake. I lit two candles and sat on the floor by the light. I opened my book and put on my reading glasses. The black print was hard to read at first, but my adjusted to the dim light and soon I was back to reading. After a half an hour or so I laid on my side, the book in front of my face, resting my head in my hand. It didn’t take long before I fell asleep, dropping the book, losing my page, and remaining unconscious until the morning light appears.