How to Save a Life

“We need to talk!” I called out to him, but he didn't stop. He was heading towards the door. “Sit down,” I urged. “It's just a talk.”

His hand rested on the golden door knob for a few seconds before turning around. He smiled politely as I stared into his pale blue eyes. I swear I could have gotten lost in them.

I shook my head, diverting my attention out to the window to the right side. I heard him shuffling over to the desk on the opposite end of the room. He sat on the front of it, crossing his arms over his black-clad chest. The stern but calm look never left his pale features, contrasting with his dark hair.

Taking in a deep breath, I began doubting myself. Why did I make him come back? I needed so desperately to talk to him, but... I didn't know how. I didn't want him to think I was blaming him – I wasn't. But I was scared. He had so much to take on at the same time and I wasn't sure just how much he could bend before he broke.

“Before I say anything, remember that you're my friend and I only want what's best for you. You know that, right?”

“I know that, Kelly. You have good intentions,” he nodded. “A true friend, for sure.”

I smiled at him for a moment before getting serious. “You've been worrying me. Between your late night shifts at work and your constant meetings with Cindy, I know you're getting really tired. I wish you would take a vacation or something. It's really not–”

“Are you saying I should stop seeing Cindy?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing. “I don't need you to be looking out for me, anyway. I'm a big boy.”

“It's not that, Brian, it's just... I... I don't know,” I sighed. “I'm just scared that she's doing more harm than good.”

“You're jealous, aren't you?”

I just wanted to scream at him that jealousy wasn't the issue, but I couldn't find my voice. All I could do was stare into his eyes. They were hard to read, as always. About a minute passed until he broke the silence with a deep sigh. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands, his elbows propped on his knees.

“You used to be so much happier...”

His head snapped up and I could tell he was upset with me. “I don't have any other choice, Kelly. I'm doing this because I need to. Whether I like it or not is a whole different story. Please stop worrying about me because that's what's doing more harm than good.”

I lowered my head as I felt tears coming on. “I understand that, but it's hard when I care so much about you.”

We sat in silence again. I looked back out the window, blinking the tears away. He was right; I wasn't doing any good for him. My nervousness would be his downfall and I tried to divert the blame to Cindy. I was going to have to back off and let him do what he had to do. He needed his psychiatrist and in order to continue to see her, he needed to work overtime.

“Please,” I said, looking back up at him. My hazel eyes met his blue ones instantly. “You can either drive until you lose the road, or break with the ones you've followed.”

“Don't limit to me to what I can do in my life, Kelly,” he said, standing up from his seat on the desk. “I'm not you.”

I knew I shouldn't have bothered him. I shouldn't have stopped him from leaving the first time. I looked away once more, realizing all of my mistakes. I heard his boots thumping against the wooden floor and the door shut lightly behind him. Sighing, I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and...alone. I may not be right about everything, but I knew there was something wrong with him. Something bad was going to happen. I could feel it.

That something was bothering me the entire night.

I subconsciously snuggled up to the soft brown teddy bear that he had gotten me for my sixteenth birthday. To think that was only three years ago. He was eighteen at the time and I had a huge crush on him. We never dated, much to my dismay. Although I could only hope it was for the best.

Thoughts of Brian kept me from falling asleep. It wasn't too dark out, but my clock read 10:04pm.

“I've gotta go find him,” I whispered to myself. And I knew exactly where to go.

Only a few minutes later, I found myself at the front of a forest. It was filled with tall, thin, black birch trees whose leaves have seemed to have disappeared. The ground was covered in small twigs that irritated the bottom of my feet. The thin soles of my flats were being worn down, but I ignored it the best I could. I held the teddy in my arms protectively, unsure of why the air seemed so still and eerie.

Brian and I always went to the forest when we needed to clear our heads. That's what brought me there in the first place. I was hoping that I could find him and that we could resolve any of our issues.

I continued to walk through the forest, teddy in hand, for about twenty minutes when I heard something snap. I stopped in my tracks and my heart began to race, beating hard against my chest. None of the twigs were thick enough to make such a loud snapping sound if someone stepped on them, so I ruled out the thought of being followed (although it was still in the back of my mind). I took a deep breath and forced myself to slowly walk towards what Brian and I called our spot.

When our spot came into view, so did a strange shadowed figure hunched over near larger, sturdier trees. I had to squint to get a better look. The figure was large but didn't move. I swallowed all of my common sense and called out weakly, “B-Brian? Is that you?”

No answer. Figuring it was a large animal, I took another few cautious steps forward until I was just a yard away. My breath hitched in my throat and tears stung my eyes. I felt all the color in my face drain and I let out an ear-piercing shriek, collapsing to the ground.

“Brian...” I choked out, closing my eyes as the tears streamed down my face. Although I felt sick looking at him, I couldn't bring myself to look away. Around his neck was a thick rope, used as a noose. It laid loosely behind him, as well as a tree branch. I looked up above and saw the rest of the broken branch he had tied it to. It was just high enough for him to be hanged appropriately, but wasn't thick enough to hold his deadweight.

All of the memories we shared together came flooding back to my mind, but I didn't want to think about it. It was too painful. I searched for my phone, but I forgot it in my car. I brushed away the tears and looked down at the teddy that was now covered in a layer of dirt and wet with my tears. I slowly forced myself to stand up, though my entire body was shaking and very weak.

I sat down the teddy a few feet away from Brian's body, facing his back. It hunched over slightly, though it managed to stay in a seated position. I sobbed uncontrollably before leaving both Brian and the memories behind me as I prayed to God that he was in a better place and that he was going to continue to watch over me.

Our last encounter was an argument. I hoped he would realize how sorry I was and that I wanted him to keep the teddy. It would serve as a reminder to both him and I that I loved him and he was my best friend. Forever.

That night, I called 9-1-1. When I went to my room, on the middle of my bed, was my teddy bear. The same teddy bear that I had left for Brian.

He wanted me to keep it.

He was lost, but refused to be forgotten.