It'll All End in Tears

I woke up and just laid in bed, my alarm hadn’t even gone off yet, but I knew why I’d woken up so early. I had been tossing and turning all night trying to decide what to do about Nathan, and then having dreams about different outcomes. I was so confused, he was my teacher after all and I didn’t have time in my life to have a guy and definitely not to conceal another secret. I knew I needed to take Kyle to school, I couldn’t skimp on my sisterly duties, so I got up shoved on my favourite jeans and my tight, red, low cut t-shirt I loved how the red made me look and contrasted against my black fitted jeans.
I walked Kyle to school, but didn’t listen to what he was saying, I just hoped he was doing better at school than I was, he seemed happy enough but with Kyle you could never be sure, I guess we really were brother and sister in that way. I slowly walked to school, every step I hesitated and almost turned back but eventually I had made it to school, and still earlier than most of my classmates. I saw Nathan in the car park and tried to turn away from him, but he saw me, “Chloe, good morning.” He said walking over to me, I froze. I wanted to run away but my body stuck to the spot determined I was going to sort this out once and for all. “Hi.” Was all I said looking anywhere but at him. He started to walk towards his classroom and I just stood there, he turned back to look at me, “Are you coming?” He asked me and finally I looked up at him, trying to decide what I was going to do “Chloe?” He said my name and I felt shivers go through my body, without any warning my legs gave way under me and everything went black.
I woke up and felt a mattress over me, was it all a dream? I should get up and go get Kyle ready for school; I sat up and felt a hand stop me. I knew it wasn’t a dream, I didn’t open my eyes, and I didn’t want to see the person whose hand was still on my shoulder. I lay back down and sighed, “Are you okay?” I heard Nathan say, and I noticed that for the first time that he spoke like a normal twenty first century bloke. “Yeah.” I said, it was an automatic reply, I couldn’t show anyone my true feelings. “So you just faint for no reason?” He asked me, and I could hear the sarcasm dripping from his voice, I opened my eyes and looked at him. “It was nothing, too much thinking or whatever.” I said not meeting his eyes, I didn’t want to be here, in this room, so close to him, it was unnerving me, more so that his hand was still on my shoulder. “Shouldn’t you be in class or something?” I said to him before he could get inside my head, he just looked at me with that knowing look and I turned away, swinging my legs off the hospital style bed. My back to him, I didn’t want to think about him right now, if I could get away from school I would, he was driving me mad. “Chloe?” He said walking round to look at me, he used his finger to tug my face up so I had to look at him, and what I saw astounded me. He looked worried for me, I couldn’t understand it, men didn’t worry for people, they only wanted sex and to make themselves feel good. Before I knew it I had leant closer to him and was kissing him, kissing him in a way I’d never even thought of kissing a guy before, normally it scared me, it brought back bad memories, memories I didn’t want to think about, but with Nathan it was different, with him I forgot everything, I forgot myself and felt safe around a guy. I put my arms around his neck and he moved closer to me, standing in between my legs as I sat on the edge of the bed, I shivered instantly at the feeling of him being so close to me.
We moved away and looked at each other, “We shouldn’t be doing this.” I whispered and I saw Nathan was about to pull away, so I moved my arms around his waist and kept him close to me, I didn’t know what to do, my brain told me I should have let him walk away but my heart and body wanted him close to me, to keep my safe, to love me. He looked at me and I could see true sadness in his eyes, I didn’t know what to do to take away that sadness, “I’m sorry.” I whispered and he shook his head. “No it’s not your fault. I dislike greatly the situation we are in, well no I love the situation we are in, and being here with you, but it displeases me that I am your teacher.” He paused and I could tell he was thinking so I kept my thoughts to myself, “Perhaps I should leave the profession.” He said half to himself, I put my hands on either side of his face until he met my eyes, “Please don’t even think of doing that for me.” I told him, my heart broke but fluttered at the same time, he would consider giving up his job for me? It was stupid but sweet at the same time. “I don’t think I could stand Biology without you teaching it.” I told him and he smiled finally, which made me smile.
We sat, well I did, there for a few minutes just looking at each other and smiling when I realised something, “Shouldn’t we be going about normal school times?” I asked him and his smile lessened a bit as he nodded. “However, I would greatly appreciate you sharing the knowledge of why you fainted, and an honest answer to if you are doing well.” He said and I smiled as he full on turned back to his old fashioned way of speaking. “I guess I was thinking too hard or panicked to much about what to do, and I am okay I promise you. How could I not be right now?” I told him gesturing to the fact that he was still stood in between my legs and he smiled. “Nathan, can I ask you something?” I said and smiled as his face brightened as I said his name, “Please do.” He replied and I shook my head laughing slightly. “Why do you talk as if you’re out of a Jane Austen novel?” I asked him smiling slightly at him to prove to him it wasn’t a bad thing and that I just wanted to know. He looked at me puzzled and then seemed to grasp my meaning, “I would suggest it has to do with my father beating me if I didn’t speak in an articulate, “proper” way, or his meaning of proper.” He said and I sat there taken aback, I couldn’t believe he had just told me that, just like that. “Oh.” I said, “Do you tell a lot of people that?” I asked him, hoping he’d say yes and that it didn’t mean something that he had told me, when I couldn’t think about telling him stuff like that. “No, normally I do not, it just happened” He told me and I nodded slowly, ‘damn, damn, damn’ I was thinking. “That is not to say that I expect you to tell me every serious point of your past.” He told me and I sighed slightly in relief.
It was a second or two after that that the bell went and Nathan pulled away from me reluctantly, “I guess we should get to my class.” He told me and I looked up at him “You mean it’s only just first period?” I asked him and he nodded, I was glad that he hadn’t missed any teaching looking after me and that I hadn’t missed any of his lesson. I picked up my things and stood up, making sure my legs were stable now, and nodded towards Nathan to tell him I was fine, he smiled at me, quickly kissed me on the lips in an almost casual way that I didn’t expect from him, and then he left. I waited a few minutes, trying to pull my head together and get myself into school mode, I then followed him and went to his classroom, smiling slightly as I slipped in, obviously being a few minutes late. I took my seat and got ready to learn from the guy I was pretty sure I was in love with. I shocked myself with that thought and just sat there stunned, had I really just thought that? My head clouded over and I sank in my chair not listening to anything and trying to figure things out, but even by the end of the day my head was still muddled up and I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I didn’t even realise the day had gone by until I was climbing into my bed. It shocked me again, and I just lay there in the dark, trying to remember anything from the day that I had just gone through, but nothing came to mind. I wonder if anyone noticed that I was off and if I was going to have to make up an excuse as to why I was non responsive the whole day.