Hiding My Heart

It seems like nobody understands the stress of having someone reject you when you spend so much time chasing after them.

I know I’m being a little over dramatic here but still it hurts to have Jake not come tell me his answer. It makes me feel like he just wants to let me walk away. That’s my problem. When it comes to Jake I over think, everything he does I feel like there should be a reason behind it. It’s a flaw of mine, over thinking. It gets me nowhere and I stress myself out.

I look out the window. I just woke up and I am still waiting for Jake’s answer. It’s been about two days since I had my outburst with him. Isabella came home yesterday with her leech and his family. Gosh I wish she would have gotten eaten when she went to go save him but I don’t have the luck for that. I think Jake is avoiding me. I tried to talk to him yesterday but he is distant. I can’t help but wonder if he made his decision. Does he really want me to walk away? I only said that so he could try to make a choice between me and her. I wouldn't really walk away from Jake. I couldn't. I love him way too much. It would probably kill me if I had to walk away from him. I guess loving him so strongly is another one of my fatal flaws. When it comes to Jake I would do anything, no matter what the price.

I don’t know what it is with me today and thinking about my fatal flaws. I just think that I should acknowledge them in some way I guess. Maybe it’s my subconscious trying to tell me why Jake could never love me. I’m not too sure.

I look at the time and decide that I should stop looking out the window and go to Emily’s I’m sure she needs a girl around. I mean those boys are suffocating. I get ready and head to Emily’s briefly wondering if Em would be there. I haven’t seen him in a while and we have bedrooms right next to him. I am a terribly selfish sister.

When I get to Emily’s I see the whole pack minus Paul. I guess it’s his time for patrol. We have been cutting back and during the day we only have one wolf patrolling the grounds. There really hasn't been a leech around our area since Isabella was attacked all that time ago.

I see Jake sitting at the table. He looks really depressed. Maybe it is because his leech lover hasn't tried to contact him. I told him she was going to drop him when her leech was back. Everyone knew that this was going to happen.

Right when I was going to sit next to Jake I hear a howl that sounds close to the Clearwater’s.

“Shit!” I hear someone say as we all rush out to the woods ready to shift. Once we all are in our wolf form we run towards the howl. I can’t think straight with everyone thinking at once.

“Who could have howled?”

“Is it Seth?” These were a couple of the questions that people had on the minds. Sometimes it is enough to make me want to kill someone when everyone thinks at the same time.

“Everyone be quiet for a second and let me think!” The alpha command was defining to all our ears and everyone quickly shut up.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE HELL AM I?! OH MY GOD! I’m A FREAK!!!” a voice that didn't belong to another male rang threw our ears.

“Leah?!” I quickly think sending the thought directly to her making sure she heard me.

“What the hell? I really am going crazy.” She says

“Leah, stop. You’re not going crazy. I promise. It’s me Anna.” I say to here as I pick up my pace and quickly get to where she is.

“Anna? Could you please tell me what the hell is going on?” She asked nervously.

When I got to where she was I sat down and rubbed my nose against her shoulder telling her to sit down also. “I’m not very good at explaining on what’s going on, Leah. How about we wait for the rest to get here and Sam can explain it to you alright honey?” I say this with a calm voice trying to make it as calm and inviting as I can make it.

“Sam? As in Sam Uley?” she says this with a sad voice that makes me curious as to what happened between the two. Leah ends up thinking about it and memories that she has between her and Sam. I end up getting a full look into what happened before anything was explained to her. Through her eyes her story looks terrible. It looked like before Sam had his furry problem Leah was his girlfriend. The memories that she looked at looked like they were totally in love. There was no doubt in my mind that if that furry problem wasn't there Leah would have been engaged to Sam not Emily. The happy looking memories quickly changed to sadness when Sam started to become distance and for weeks he wouldn't talk to her. Then he broke up with her breaking her heart in the process. A couple weeks later Emily came down to check on Leah, to help cheer her up, seeing as Emily was her cousin. Long story short Sam saw Emily they fell in love at first sight leaving Leah with a completely broken heart. All these memories came to Leah in a millisecond leaving me feeling like total shit and knowing where she was coming from.

Sam and the boys quickly made their way to where we were and started to explain things to Leah. She looked so depressed and honestly my heart broke for her. I feel an instant connection with our broken hearts.

After the explanations were over I took Leah to go get some clothes.

“You know Leah. I understand where you were coming from. I’m not judging you and I understand if you don’t want to go to Sam’s for some lunch.” I tell her once we are changed and ready to go.

“I’m going to have to face them sometime, might as well make it now. Thank you though Anna, us she wolves better stick together.” With that we walked to Sam’s in a comfortable silence that I think sealed our friendship. We wouldn't be the greatest friends but we both understand what the other is going through which makes a bond that is hard to break.