Hiding My Heart

That whole week was terrible. I was so bored. I couldn’t shift or anything because Sam wanted to make sure that I was ok. I spent a lot time with Emily. She taught me a lot about baking and cooking. I already knew a lot but she helped me learn more.

My mom has been pretty understanding now about mine and Embry’s wolf problem. She has been pretty supportive about Embry being gone all night and she has been pretty good about me getting hurt. At first she was crying a lot. She didn’t understand why we didn’t tell her about it. I feel terrible but I still stick by our decision for the simple fact that she would have probably been scared. It sucks that I had to be close to dead for us to actually tell her but I think that took her mind off from us being big wolves and on to the fact that I’m hurt. I also think that she is thankful that I can heal so quickly. She is fine with everything she is just sad that we don’t get to see each other as much as she wishes.

Tomorrow will be the day when I’m aloud to go into my wolf form then the day after is when I’m able to go on patrol. I already have a plan for tomorrow. I’m going to spend 95% of the time in my wolf form. I never thought I would miss it as much as I do.

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I wake up in the morning excited. I actually get to change into my wolf form today. I can feel my body become restless. I have never been so awake just waking up ever. I throw on whatever clothes I could find and run to the kitchen to grab something quick to eat. The whole pack knows my plans for today so it’s not like I’m going to be bothered.

When I get outside I was soaked. The rain was coming down so hard but that didn’t stop me I ran to the woods by my house and changed as quickly as I could. I stretched and got the kinks out of my neck. It felt good to finally be able to fully stretch out my muscles and run. I started my journey north at a fast run.

So when I said that the pack knew my plans they knew the plan I told them. The plan that they know is I was going to stay pretty close to the reservation and lay in a clearing and do some exploring. What I really am going to do is make my way north up to Canada. I’m going to see if I can find my Jake but if I don’t find him by a certain time then I’m going back to the reservation and going about my life. I know that I could just talk to him with our weird wolf connection but he is kicking everyone out. I guess I could try because I mean I’m the only one he hasn’t talked to. I try to listen for him. He is being really quiet but he is thinking. I feel bad but I listen to what he is thinking about and I’m surprised to hear that he is thinking about me.

“I wonder how she is doing. She isn’t in her wolf form yet. I hope nothing happened. Why isn’t she in her wolf form. Oh my god what if she can’t change anymore? What would she do? As much as she says she hates it I know she loves being a wolf. I hope she is ok. I hate how much of a jerk I am being to her. She doesn’t deserve that. She is such a great girl. What’s going on?”
He was so much in his own head that he couldn’t even hear my thoughts.
“Jakey! I’m fine don’t worry about me! Jake please can we talk? I know you don’t want to talk to people but I really wanna talk to you.” I had no clue if this was going to work. I surely hope so.

“Anna? You’re ok!!! Oh thank god. I was wondering why you weren’t in your wolf form earlier. Yes we can talk.”

“Jake can we talk face to face?”

“I’m in Canada.” He said it with such finality like that was gonna make me not want to go talk to him.

“I’m willing to see you in Canada, Jake.”

“I’m on the other side of the continent near Michigan.”

“How long did it take you to get there, Jake? I’m thinking around a 5 hours. Well guess what I’ll start running that way and you start running towards me and we will meet in the middle. I want to see you, Jake. I miss you.”

“Fine. See you in a bit.” I didn’t even try to say something to him. I knew he wasn’t very happy that he was getting closer to HER. I just wanted to talk to my Jake. I want him to see that he can move on. That I will be here for him.

I ran for what seemed like days but it truly was only two hours before I started to get Jake’s scent. I decided it would be a good idea to let out a howl seeing as I was in a small clearing and that would be a good place to talk.

“Anna was that you?”

“Yup did you hear where it came from?”

“Yea I’m on my way.” I sat there for only a couple seconds before he walked into the clearing. He looked terrible. His once beautiful russet fur was now matted and filled with dirt. He had twigs and leaves in his tail and his fur has gotten way too long.

“Hey Jake. Can we talk face to face? I don’t want anyone hearing our conversation.”

“I don’t have any clothes.”

“Well it’s a good thing I brought some.” I leaned my head down and pulled on the string that was holding his clothes to my leg. I walked away into the woods so I could change into my clothes.

I didn’t think that he would actually meet me so I had on a skimpy outfit. I curse myself for not thinking. I threw on my white sports bra and my pink shorts and walked out to the clearing. He was waiting there for me. His hair was in knots with leaves in them so much so that when he finally wants to join society again he is just going to have to cut it short. I could see the mud covering his skin and I felt bad for him. He thought this was the only way he was going to feel good again.

I ran over to him and jumped on him giving him the biggest hug I could wrapping my legs around his waist. I didn’t care that he was covered in mud or that I was going to get muddy. I know I should be mad at him that he left but I was so glad to see him.

“Jake I was so worried!” I exclaimed but then I jumped down and slapped him in the face. “That is for leaving me asshole! I’ve been wanting to do that ever since you asked me to help with the Bella situation!!” He just looked down at the ground with his hand on his red cheek.

“Anna, I’m so sorry for everything I have done to you. You really don’t deserve what I did to you.”

“It’s alright, Jake. Now how is your cheek. I’m sorry for slapping you but I was angry. I can only hold so much.” I placed my hand over his that was on his cheek. I took his hand off and saw that it was a blistering red. I leaned up and kissed it.

“Jake, you know being gone and ignoring the problem won't help you any. Right? Why don’t you come home with me. Please? Everyone misses you and you look like hell no offence but look at you. You’re covered in mud and the only way you're going to be able to control your hair is if you get it cut. I love you Jake. I know after everything I shouldn’t but I do.” His eyes went to mine finally and my hand was still on his cheek. We were so close together.

“I know it won’t help but I need to do this. I need to be able to stay away from everyone and clear my head. I can’t come home with you, Anna. I need time to myself. I’m sorry. I know I look terrible but I just need to be alone. I love you too, Anna. So much.” His hands grabbed my waist and pulled me in closer that we already were. His lips were on mine and I felt all his emotions in this kiss. I couldn’t believe that he was doing this. I thought he needed to clear his head but maybe he was by kissing me. He sure did cloud my thoughts. After a couple minutes he pulled back. The look in his eyes was clear. He was struggling with staying and coming home.

“I hate to break the moment but Jake, I want you to do what you think is best for you. You know me I’ll be waiting for you at home if you want to keep running. I understand. It’s going to suck don’t get me wrong but I know that you want to be alone.”

“I’m sorry Anna. I’m not going to go with you to home.” My face dropped. He won’t be coming home with me. I cursed myself when a couple tears silently dropped.

“It’s alright. Can we just sit here and enjoy each other's company before we go our separate ways? Please? That’s all I want.”
“Sure.”

We spent hours in that clearing. We just laid there and listened to the animals in the forest. There was no more kissing and we the sun started to go down I couldn’t help but get sad.

“Jake I think it’s time for me to start getting home. I have to patrol tomorrow and I told Sam I would be there. Thank you for meeting with me though Jake. I’m so happy to know that you’re alright.” I started to get up and make my way to the woods but before I could take a step Jake took my hand and pulled me to him. We hugged for what felt like forever. It was a tight one and I could tell how much he didn’t want to see me go. I looked up at his face when he finally released me.

“Be careful Anna. I hate to say this but please wait for me.” With that he gave me a kiss on my cheek and turned to make his way into the wild.

“Jake! Please come home soon!”

He was gone. I stared at where he went for a couple of minutes before I could finally make my way home.