Thin

I stared at myself in the mirror as I stood in just a bra and underwear. I could no longer pinch my stomach; There wasn't enough fat. My thighs were what seemed like miles apart. I had basically no muscle on my calves. My arms were so small, Oli could wrap his arms around them and his fingers would over lap. My jawbone was very visible through the skin, along with my cheekbones. I was almost perfect. Almost.

I slid on my sweater and tight jeans, despite the weather out. We were going back to England today. Just as Oli walked in, I put my shoes on and laced them up. Oli knew I wasn't trying to eat any more. He hasn't said anything about it, but he hasn't really talked to me much lately, either I was beginning to think he gave up already. I didn't care, though, it just made it easier to accomplish my goal.

Oli has barely even looked at me since the day after our date of painting. That night, I vowed I wouldn't eat again, no matter what. Oli lied to me. I wasn't too small. I wasn't small enough. He was already standing in my way of perfect. I'll be damned if he stops me.

"Aye, Oli." My voice was just above a whisper as I picked up my already packed bags. It was a great struggle to hold them up, but I did my best to hide it. Oli didn't respond. He simply got his own bags and walked out of the room. I adjusted my grip on my bags and followed him out. I lagged behind the whole way.

Once we were settled on the plane, Oli put his headphones on and continues to ignore me. I curled up the best I could and tried to sleep most of the flight.

---

Oli unlocked the door to our flat and went inside. I followed him in and he dropped his bags to the floor carelessly, then flipped on the light.

"I'm off teh get Oskar from Nicholls. See yeh." Oli sent me a slight nod before he walks out of the flat. I locked the door after him then sat down at the kitchen table with some paper and a pen. I had to do this.

Dear Oli,

Well, I don't even know what to say, really. I love you, you know that, and I know you love me, but we want different things. I just don't think we're right for each other any more.I can't deal with disappointing you again, even though I know I'm doing it now. I'm just saving us from any future disappointments.

This "problem" of mine isn't going to go away. You and I both know this, so you need to stop thinking it will. I know you want it to, but I'm starting to think I really don't want to change any more. I'm finally accomplishing something I want to accomplish.

You said you won't fuck a skeleton and you won't watch me slowly kill myself. Then, don't. I did a lot of thinking on the flight, when I wasn't sleeping. The best thing for us is me leaving. I can't let go of the past, any ways, no matter how hard I try. It will always be in our way.

I am not a dog. I will not obey what you tell me to do if it's something I don't want to do. You do not own me. I don't care if you want me to eat. I don't want to eat. I want to accomplish the goal I have. To do that, I have to leave you, so I am. I went to Bryce's. I'm only telling you this so you know I'm at a safe place. Just let me go.

Ally.

I folded the letter in two then taped it to Oli's bedroom door. I contacted Bryce, my only cousin, my family left, and made plans to stay with him. He lived in Manchester.

---

Bryce led me inside his flat and into the guest room. I placed my bags onto the bed and pulled Bryce into a hug.

"Thank yeh for takin' meh in on such short notice." I gave him a smile when we pulled away and studied his appearance. He had a full sleeve of tattoos on his left arm. His hair was really short and dark brown. He had a full, trimmed bear and blue-green eyes. He was six feet tall, even.

"Aye, not a problem, Ally. Always welcome here." I followed him out of the couch and we sat on the couch in the living room. I felt drained and tired now, even though I haven't done much, but I needed to catch up with him.

Bryce and I never saw much of each other when we were younger. My mother didn't like his mother, my dads sister. As we got older, though, we started spending more time together. He tried to visit me as much as possible, but he was always traveling for his job. We used to talk at least three times a week, but that hasn't happened much lately because I've been so wrapped up in Oli.

I couldn't let him control me any more. I wanted what I wanted and he was keeping me from it. I wouldn't allow it any more. Bryce knew nothing of my situation, so coming here was the perfect way to accomplish my goal without setbacks.