Thin

I made my way down the hall of the high school as our last class let out. I was ready to get out of this hell hole. It's been nothing but "let's see how many times we can make Ally cry" all day. I had already lost ten pounds since the previous week, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't nearly enough. Nothing would ever be enough. I walked out of the front of the school after stopping by my locker.

"Look at that fat arse." I heard from behind me. I knew that voice. I turned around to see Oli and his mates sitting out in front of the school. He was laughing at the comment he made, until he realized I was the "fat arse" he was referring to. His face dropped as he stared at me with wide eyes. All his friends were laughing and high-fiving, still making jokes about my weight.

I shook my head as I turned away. Just as I took the first step forward, someone's foot came in contact with my shin, causing me to come face-to-face with concrete. I struggled to get up, noticing my hands were bleeding. My jeans were now ripped at the knees, exposing the fresh cuts. People were still laughing, despite how much pain I was in now. I wiped my hands off on my jeans and grabbed my bag before leaving the school. Like every other day that week, and the week before, I skipped dinner.

I watched as Oli and Matt Nicholls played a video game in the living room. I was in my chair, watching the cars pass by outside the window again.

"Oli, why didn't 'Manda come ova?" Matt asked, obviously trying to distract Oli from the game.

"Uh, broke up with her." Oli threw down the controller and jumped up, cheering because he had won the game any ways, despite Matt's attempt to distract him. Hearing that they had broken up didn't phase me. It was a once-a-week kind of thing for the two.

"So, what day will yeh be back togetha by this time?" Matt rolled his eyes as Oli walked into the kitchen. He walked back out a few seconds later with two beers and a water.

"Well, no day. She's goin' back teh Scotland tonight." He responded casually as he handed Matt one of the beers and sat his own down on the coffee table. He walked over to me and handed me the water. I took it and thanked him quietly as I sat it down beside me in the chair and went back to staring out the window. I wondered what caused the permanent break up, but decided against asking him. I also wondered what the chances of us becoming a couple were, but I already knew the answer. It would never happen. Oli kneeled down in front of me, brushing his thumb over my cheek. I didn't look at him.

"Ally, love, why do yeh looked so depressed?" He spoke softly as his thumb continued stroking my cheek. His other hand rested on my knee to stop my actions of rocking the chair. I stayed quiet.

"Are yeh sick?" He tried again. He slid his hand from my knee to my hand resting on my thigh. He flinched at how cold it was at first, but held it in his own any ways. My heart fluttered at the simple gesture but I still didn't look at him.

Oli and I had always been this close, touching like we were a couple, but nothing sexual. Except the one time I gave him my virginity to get it over with. I was hoping it would lead to something more than just casual sex, but it obviously didn't. I still haven't slept with any one since then. No one was good enough; No one was him.

"I'm not sick or depressed." Lie. I finally looked at him. I knew I was lying to him. There was no way I could tell him the truth; That I loved him, that I didn't eat and he was the reason why, that I was determined to be nothing less than perfect for him, even I didn't have him. I had hoped that one day he would notice and ask me to be his.

His hand fully cupped my cheek now as he stared at me, a solemn expression across his face. He leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss to my opposite cheek.

"I'm here if yeh want teh talk." Could he not see in my eyes that he had hurt me? Even after all these years, the ache was still strong in my heart. I stared into his hazel eyes. Those eyes could kill, they were so beautiful. My own eyes were a solid brown. Nothing special.

I reached up to graze my fingertips across his cheek, ignoring his slight flinching at how cold my hand was. His face was thin, unlike my own, and his skin looked healthy, unlike my own also. My skin, my lips, were a sick pale. Right now, that was the only symptom of my anorexia, besides me being cold, and I hoped it stayed that way. I said nothing as we stared at each other. He cleared his throat.

"Will yeh come teh dinna with meh at meh parents house tomorra night? They want teh see yeh." By now, Matt had gotten sick of listening to Oli pity me and was now back to playing the game. He didn't know about my condition, but practically every one knew how I felt about Oli. All of them claimed Oli felt the same way and that I should just tell him. How could Oli ever love someone so obese and gross as myself? I think they just wanted me to look like a fool.

"Of course, I miss Carol and Ian. Will Tommy be joinin' us?" I let my hand finally fall from his face and back down into my lap. I slowly slid my other hand from his grasp. His face fell even more.

"He will." I simply nodded and averted my attention back to the window. I couldn't look at him for too long. It hurt.

Oli gave my cheek a quick peck before he stood up and went back to playing the game with Matt. I watched the people four stories below as they walked along the sidewalk, wishing I were as thin as they were.