Thin

I took a deep breath as I exited the taxi after paying the driver. I stared at the building as patients entered and exited it. I bet anything in the world they weren't here for something as selfish as I was.

I walked into the clinic and signed in, along with all the other papers they had for me. After, I sat down in the corner of the waiting room, away from all the others. My phone kept vibrating from its place in my pocket. I knew it was just Natalie, the only real friend I had that whole year. She knew what I was here for. She was also trying to stop it. I knew what I had to do, though, and I knew it was the right thing to do. Not only for my sake, but for Oli's. This was something we weren't ready for, especially since his band wasstarting to get more and more gigs. They could become something huge and I didn't want to be the reason it got ruined. This problem needed to disappear before it was noticeable.

I looked up from my lap as my name was called. I stood up from the seat and followed the nurse back to a room.

"Docta will be in soon." She left the room and shut the door behind her. I sat on the patient table thing as I looked around at the white walls. I thought about what I was about to do. Would I be considered a murderer? I also wondered what Oli would think if he ever found out. I didn't plan on telling him and I hoped that Natalia would keep her mouth shut. Him finding out was the last thing either one of us needed.

I watched as the doctor entered the room. She looked over the paper on her clipboard before smiling up at me.

"What brings yeh here?" She went back to reading the paper.

"Well, I've got this.....problem.....and I need teh..... uh....make it go away, yeh know?" I placed my hand on my stomach as I stared down at it, hoping she would get the hint. I didn't want to come right out and say it.

"Alright. How far along are yeh?" She wrote on the paper as she spoke.

"'Bout five months." My voice cracked at the end. I was on the verge of tears. I was being selfish and pathetic, but it needed to be done. I wasn't doing this because I didn't want, nor did I need, we need, a child, even though that was another reason. It just wasn't the main reason. The main reason was because I knew I would have to start eating right and that I would get bigger. I couldn't handle that.

"Well, put this on, and we'll get yeh taken care of right away." The doctor stood up and pulled a hospital gown out of the cabinets, then handed it to me. She rested her hand on my shoulder for a second as she gave me a small, sad smile, then left the room.

"I'm so sorreh." I stared down at my stomach for a moment longer, wondering what it would look like if I kept it. I pushed the thoughts from my mind and stood up to change into the hospital gown.

I stared down at the table as I waited for Tom to respond. I'm sure my make-up was fucked all to hell and back from all the crying. Tom's eyes were bloodshot red as he stared at me in horror. I wiped under my eyes and glanced up at him.

"I'm sorreh, Tom." I whispered. Tom didn't move, didn't blink, for a whole minute.

"Yeh a selfish monsta. Yeh took a fuckin' child away from all of us, not just Oli." I stared at him in disbelief.

"And if I didn't, Oli wouldn't have gotten as successful as he is today." Tom stood up from the table, making the chair he was previously sitting in fall over backwards.

"Yeh know damn well that's not why yeh fuckin' killed it, Allison!" He screamed. I looked back down at the table.

"It's not the main reason, no, but it were a reason. I didn't want a child teh hold him back from becomin' someone so successful. I didn't want him teh have a hard life trying to raise a kid with someone he didn't fuckin' love. I couldn't do that teh him."

"Well, he bloodeh fuckin' loves yeh now! Yeh have teh tell him, Ally. He has a right teh know." I flinched as Oskar ran in and started barking at us. I picked the small dog up and started petting him to silence him.

"I can't. It'll break his heart, Tom. Even if he doesn't want kids, it still will, because it was his. It were the right thing teh do at the time. It's ova with. He has a lot teh deal with alreadeh." I stared down at Oskar as he licked my hand.

"Yeah, yeh! Yeh always the problem, Ally! I love yeh like a sista, yeh fuckin' know that, but I won't suga coat shit for yeh! Yeh need teh fix these problems. Oli doesn't want teh fuck a skeleton for the rest of his life. There's ways teh stay thin without killin' yehself like this. And I'm sure Oli would want teh know about his deceased kid, whetha yeh think it's the right thing or not. He has a right teh know. Fix all this before yeh lose us all and end up alone."

Tom grabbed his coat before he walked out the front door and slammed it. Oskar whimpered as he curled up on my lap. I knew Tom was right. I needed to fix everything. I just needed to figure out how.