Status: Complete
Push the Blade a Little Harder
Hurt
I simply couldn't help myself when i had grabbed the knife off the counter.It was just calling to me,persuading me to use it.I hadn't cut in months,but te turning in the last month had every sharp object calling to me.It was like i couldn't resist the painful,yet pleasurable feeling it gave me.When i stuck it to my skin.Pleasure when i felt the warm sensation on my skin.The scarlet color of blood dripping off of my arm onto the floor.The adrenaline rush that came with it was so excitingly beautiful.I took it off thefirst cut and made another one on the right side.
What made me do it after so many months free from its grasp was something so disgusting.Nobody should ever do it but they do.
*Flashback to 1 month ago*
''Honey im going out.I'll be back in a little while."my mom had told my drunken father.
''Ugh."he had replied,to drunk to give a real answer.My mom had grabbed her jacket,purse,and keys and had headed out the door.I was in my room,just reading a book when i saw a figure standing in my doorway.I recognized it as my father,mostly because i could smell the booze coming off of him.
"Hey daddy."I said trying to be nice.
''Hey baby.What are you doing?"was what he asked what it sounded like was this.''S'hey baab.Want you's doing?"he was slurring his words alot.''Just reading."i had replied.He had made his way into my room and had sat down on my bed.He had his hand on my left thigh.I had moved it but he put back with more force this time.''Daddy stop."I had told him to no avail.
In one minute i was slapping his hand away in the next he had me pinned down using his full weight.I couldn't move my arms or legs.I was trying to kick him off of me but he wouldn't budge.He had his clothes off and had most of mine.In the next second i felt a flash of pain followed by a sickening wetness(blood).I went very still.I quit struggling because he wouldn't get off of me and it only caused me more pain.After he was finished he got up and put his clothes back on and left my room.I laid there for a minute and let what just happened sink in.I had been raped.Even worse.I had been raped by my father.I slowly got up and got some fresh clothes and got in a hot showerand tried to scrub him off of me.I just ended up scrubbing my skin raw.After i got out of the shower i went to my room and locked the door.Then i crawled under my covers and pulled them up to my chin and drifted off into a restless sleep.
*End flashback*
And thats why i was standing in the bathroom with blood dripping off my arm.I hadn't told anybody about what my dad did and what i do to my wrists.Ihad learned ttrust nobody.All i had to do to make the pain go away was to push a knife in my wrists.Just hit a few veins,not to deep enough to kill but enough so i wouldn't feel the pain.So there i stood,blood staining the white tile floor.Maybei might get lucky and hit an arteri or two.
What made me do it after so many months free from its grasp was something so disgusting.Nobody should ever do it but they do.
*Flashback to 1 month ago*
''Honey im going out.I'll be back in a little while."my mom had told my drunken father.
''Ugh."he had replied,to drunk to give a real answer.My mom had grabbed her jacket,purse,and keys and had headed out the door.I was in my room,just reading a book when i saw a figure standing in my doorway.I recognized it as my father,mostly because i could smell the booze coming off of him.
"Hey daddy."I said trying to be nice.
''Hey baby.What are you doing?"was what he asked what it sounded like was this.''S'hey baab.Want you's doing?"he was slurring his words alot.''Just reading."i had replied.He had made his way into my room and had sat down on my bed.He had his hand on my left thigh.I had moved it but he put back with more force this time.''Daddy stop."I had told him to no avail.
In one minute i was slapping his hand away in the next he had me pinned down using his full weight.I couldn't move my arms or legs.I was trying to kick him off of me but he wouldn't budge.He had his clothes off and had most of mine.In the next second i felt a flash of pain followed by a sickening wetness(blood).I went very still.I quit struggling because he wouldn't get off of me and it only caused me more pain.After he was finished he got up and put his clothes back on and left my room.I laid there for a minute and let what just happened sink in.I had been raped.Even worse.I had been raped by my father.I slowly got up and got some fresh clothes and got in a hot showerand tried to scrub him off of me.I just ended up scrubbing my skin raw.After i got out of the shower i went to my room and locked the door.Then i crawled under my covers and pulled them up to my chin and drifted off into a restless sleep.
*End flashback*
And thats why i was standing in the bathroom with blood dripping off my arm.I hadn't told anybody about what my dad did and what i do to my wrists.Ihad learned ttrust nobody.All i had to do to make the pain go away was to push a knife in my wrists.Just hit a few veins,not to deep enough to kill but enough so i wouldn't feel the pain.So there i stood,blood staining the white tile floor.Maybei might get lucky and hit an arteri or two.