Without Lexie

I didn't want to live anymore. Not without Lexie. I couldn't breathe without her. I looked down at the razor and took a breath. My grandmother and I once talked about suicide. She said it was selfish... and cowardly. She'll be ashamed of me. I turned the bath on and slid into the scalding water. I left a letter on my dresser. It begged Marrie and my mom to forgive me. No one else mattered. I told them I was going to join Lexie... I slit my wrists and watched the water turn red until I blacked out...

"Carter..." A voice whispered. A sweet familiar voice. My eyes opened slowly. Lexie was standing above me. A pained look on her face. "Why?" I stared at her.
"Am... Am I in Heaven?" She grimaced.
"Why did you try and kill yourself, Carter?" I sat up slowly.
"it hurts so much, Lexie. I couldn't go on living without you... wait,tried?"
"The doctors saved you just in time, Thank God, Marrie found you..." Lexie smiled sadly before sighing. "you have to stop doing this to yourself, Carter. I want you to live, be happy, not die, it's not your time.
"But, Lexie-" She cut me off with a wave of her petite hand.
"Look, Carter, I don't see why you're fighting your feelings for Marrie so hard, it's only making you hurt more. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy, Marrie will make you happy."
"But I love you. How can I move on if I still love you? You're my destiny, Lexie, And I'm nothing without you." She shook her head.
"You're Carter Chance, You were you long before I came into your life and you are still you now that I'm gone. I'm not even gone... I'm always watching you, not in a creepy way." A smile played on my lips. "I noticed how you didn't deny your feelings for Marrie." I opened and shut my mouth. Did I love Marrie? I'd never thought of it...
"I could never be with anyone but you and you're gone." She shook her head again.
"We werent meant to be forever, not this life." She knelt down and put her hand on my cheek. "It's time to live your life, Carter. I'll be right here when it's your time." She pressed her lips to mine softly.
"I'll always love you, Lexie." She smiled
"But I'm not your only love." She whispered as everything turned hazy.

I jolted up in the hospital bed and gasped for air. Marrie was crying next to me. And for the first time since Lexie died I could breathe. I saw it all clearly... Marrie... I saw Marrie clearly.... "Whats up with all the tears?" I whispered taking her hand. Her blue eyes opened and locked on mine. Her hand connected with my cheek. I blinked in surprise.
"Carter Chance, you selfish dick! How could you try and leave me alone?"
"Marrie, I-"
"You know what? I can't fight about this today. I'm leaving." She started to get up but I grabbed her arm with a bandaged wrist. I pulled her back into her chair.
"Please stay." I whispered closing the space between us.
"No, I'm mad at you." I smiled slightly and pulled her even closer so our faces we inches apart. She licked her pink lips slowly. How had I never noticed how kissable they were? How had I never noticed how fucking beautiful she was? Marrie leaned closer. Millimeters apart. I could feel the heat coming off her. I took a breath, preparing myself.
"Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." A nurse said forcing us both to jump apart.
"Oh, alright." Marrie stuttered and grabbed her jacket, running from the room.