We Could Leave This Town and Run Forever
I Was Worried About You
It’s been almost a week… and no word from Ryan. Kirstie and McFly went back to England to finish out the tour. Obviously, I didn’t go… and wouldn’t go even if they kept insisting that I did. I need to get my life figured out right now. And Ryan was is a huge part of my life… I need him.
I have left so many voicemails and text messages. My thumbs hurt so badly from texting him. I never got a response. Why can’t he just reply with something?! I’m worried about him… a lot. It’s never good when he’s quiet.
Since this has happened, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I’ve written a few lines to songs, but they’re all depressing… and it makes my mood worse. I need Ryan here. I just want… him. Any part of him in any mood. As long as it’s him and I know he’s ok, I want him!
Late in the afternoon, I curled up in bed, just lying here as the time slowly passed. I closed my eyes, trying to fall sleep. It makes the time go faster. Once I managed to just hit that first stage, something came around my waist, scaring me so badly. I turned around while my heart raced… and then it sped up ten times more.
Ryan was lying next to me.
I nearly jumped out of bed when I saw this. I wasn’t expecting it at all! He was holding me though. He was holding me! I wanted to be so overjoyed, but… I was still afraid that he was holding his anger towards me in.
“I was worried about you,” I spoke gently.
“I was at Mackin’s,” he replied, referring to one of the Sean’s in his band. “I got all of your messages,” he went on.
I nodded my head, holding in my snappy comments. It wouldn’t make the situation any better. But by me not saying anything, it caused this huge wave of awkward silence. Awesome.
“What happened?” he asked softly as his hand ran through my hair while his other arm stayed hooked securely around my waist.
“Kirstie told you a huge secret that I kept from you,” I replied through a chuckle. Duh, he knew what happened!
“No,” he chuckled back, showing that breathtaking smile, “what happened… with the baby?” he went on, keeping his tone gentle.
“I just… lost it,” I shrugged.
“Now, come on. I had my time to be mad from you keeping it from me. I’m not going to get re-mad. Just tell me what happened,” he pressed on, while lacing his fingers with mine.
That statement along with his simple actions made me feel so much better. I took in a big gulp of air before finally telling him what exactly happened.
“I found out a few days before you left for your last tour that I was pregnant,” I started.
“And you just felt like you couldn’t tell me?” he butted in.
“You were leaving for a long tour. It was this huge thing for your band. You were just coming back from a long break and you were so excited to be touring again and making music. I didn’t want something like me being pregnant to take away from that,” I explained.
“Don’t ever think you telling me something like that will ever bring me down,” he spoke in the most tender of tones.
“I’m sorry,” I nearly lost my own voice.
“What happened?” he pressed on gently.
“I don’t know. I woke up one morning and my stomach just hurt really badly. I didn’t know what to do. So I called Kirstie cause she knew everything from this point and she went with me to the hospital and they told me that… I miscarriaged,” I muttered, feeling my eyes start to sting.
“Did they give you a reason why?” he kept going, his voice full of concern.
“They said it could be a lot of things. I always thought it was stress from me not telling you and worrying about it constantly,” I answered, shrugging once again.
“Don’t ever feel like you can’t tell me anything ever again… no matter what it is,” he replied, holding me tighter against his chest.
“I’m sorry. I figured since I wasn’t pregnant anymore, it would be harder for you to hear it. It was hard enough for me to deal with it. I didn’t think it’d be much better on you,” I went on.
“You would have been an awesome mom,” he smiled up at me.
“You would have been a sexy daddy,” I added, allowing myself to smile brightly.
“I think I need to man up and put a ring on that finger before we get into this baby talk though,” he chuckled.
“Well get to it. Kirstie and I aren’t doing our music thing anymore. I have all the time in the world to have a baby,” I smiled while rubbing his tattooed arm.
“Whoa, what?” he questioned while half sitting up to look down at me.
“I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore right now. I need to get you and I straightened out first,” I explained.
“But it’s your career,” he battled back.
“I just… don’t know if I can do that anymore,” I sighed, “I want time off to figure it out.”
“Well, you have me figured out. I’m crazy about you and I’m sorry I got so upset. But… it was just… shocking,” he replied.
“I’m sorry it took this to come out,” I sighed.
He just sent me a small smile before he bent down to leave a soft kiss on the top of my head, whispering that he loved me in the process. Of course I returned his words and snuggled up to him more. I know I’m stepping away from my career that I had worked so hard to get with my best friend, but… maybe this was how it was supposed to be…
I have left so many voicemails and text messages. My thumbs hurt so badly from texting him. I never got a response. Why can’t he just reply with something?! I’m worried about him… a lot. It’s never good when he’s quiet.
Since this has happened, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. I’ve written a few lines to songs, but they’re all depressing… and it makes my mood worse. I need Ryan here. I just want… him. Any part of him in any mood. As long as it’s him and I know he’s ok, I want him!
Late in the afternoon, I curled up in bed, just lying here as the time slowly passed. I closed my eyes, trying to fall sleep. It makes the time go faster. Once I managed to just hit that first stage, something came around my waist, scaring me so badly. I turned around while my heart raced… and then it sped up ten times more.
Ryan was lying next to me.
I nearly jumped out of bed when I saw this. I wasn’t expecting it at all! He was holding me though. He was holding me! I wanted to be so overjoyed, but… I was still afraid that he was holding his anger towards me in.
“I was worried about you,” I spoke gently.
“I was at Mackin’s,” he replied, referring to one of the Sean’s in his band. “I got all of your messages,” he went on.
I nodded my head, holding in my snappy comments. It wouldn’t make the situation any better. But by me not saying anything, it caused this huge wave of awkward silence. Awesome.
“What happened?” he asked softly as his hand ran through my hair while his other arm stayed hooked securely around my waist.
“Kirstie told you a huge secret that I kept from you,” I replied through a chuckle. Duh, he knew what happened!
“No,” he chuckled back, showing that breathtaking smile, “what happened… with the baby?” he went on, keeping his tone gentle.
“I just… lost it,” I shrugged.
“Now, come on. I had my time to be mad from you keeping it from me. I’m not going to get re-mad. Just tell me what happened,” he pressed on, while lacing his fingers with mine.
That statement along with his simple actions made me feel so much better. I took in a big gulp of air before finally telling him what exactly happened.
“I found out a few days before you left for your last tour that I was pregnant,” I started.
“And you just felt like you couldn’t tell me?” he butted in.
“You were leaving for a long tour. It was this huge thing for your band. You were just coming back from a long break and you were so excited to be touring again and making music. I didn’t want something like me being pregnant to take away from that,” I explained.
“Don’t ever think you telling me something like that will ever bring me down,” he spoke in the most tender of tones.
“I’m sorry,” I nearly lost my own voice.
“What happened?” he pressed on gently.
“I don’t know. I woke up one morning and my stomach just hurt really badly. I didn’t know what to do. So I called Kirstie cause she knew everything from this point and she went with me to the hospital and they told me that… I miscarriaged,” I muttered, feeling my eyes start to sting.
“Did they give you a reason why?” he kept going, his voice full of concern.
“They said it could be a lot of things. I always thought it was stress from me not telling you and worrying about it constantly,” I answered, shrugging once again.
“Don’t ever feel like you can’t tell me anything ever again… no matter what it is,” he replied, holding me tighter against his chest.
“I’m sorry. I figured since I wasn’t pregnant anymore, it would be harder for you to hear it. It was hard enough for me to deal with it. I didn’t think it’d be much better on you,” I went on.
“You would have been an awesome mom,” he smiled up at me.
“You would have been a sexy daddy,” I added, allowing myself to smile brightly.
“I think I need to man up and put a ring on that finger before we get into this baby talk though,” he chuckled.
“Well get to it. Kirstie and I aren’t doing our music thing anymore. I have all the time in the world to have a baby,” I smiled while rubbing his tattooed arm.
“Whoa, what?” he questioned while half sitting up to look down at me.
“I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore right now. I need to get you and I straightened out first,” I explained.
“But it’s your career,” he battled back.
“I just… don’t know if I can do that anymore,” I sighed, “I want time off to figure it out.”
“Well, you have me figured out. I’m crazy about you and I’m sorry I got so upset. But… it was just… shocking,” he replied.
“I’m sorry it took this to come out,” I sighed.
He just sent me a small smile before he bent down to leave a soft kiss on the top of my head, whispering that he loved me in the process. Of course I returned his words and snuggled up to him more. I know I’m stepping away from my career that I had worked so hard to get with my best friend, but… maybe this was how it was supposed to be…