My Life Really

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock it was 7am. I showered and got dressed. When I went downstairs, mum wasn’t up and it was weird since mum always got up earlier than I did. I went into her bedroom and found her there on the bed.

I tried to wake her but she didn’t move anything not even a sound. I started to worry, all kind of thoughts began running through my head. I didn’t know what to think so I checked her pulse. There was no beat. I phoned an ambulance, and went back to my mum and gave her CPR. I had learned it in health class.

Mum didn’t respond, finally the ambulance came and took her to the hospital. I waited in the waiting room crying my eyes out. A tall man came near me and I assumed he was the doctor.

Dr.Wilson: “I’m sorry, but your mother passed away.” I couldn’t believe what he was saying.
Me: “But how?” I asked as more tears fell.

Dr.Wilson: “A heart attack we assume. Did she have any illness?” He asked.

Me: “Not that I know of, I don’t think so.”

Dr.Wilson: “She died in her sleep so she didn’t suffer, I’m really sorry for your loss. I f you want you can go see her.”

He said. I followed him into a small room where he left me alone. There on a bed I saw her, she looked so peaceful.

I went running to her and cried while I held her hand. How did this happen? I lost the only person that gave meaning to my life. I had lost my dad and I lost my mum too.
What am I going to do now? I’ve lost all meaning of life. Of all the people I in this world, she had to die! I mean couldn’t you at least take me instead! I mean really! I now really hate my life. Why is this happening to me! I had yelled at her and now she’s dead. I was always selfish never thought about her. I guess this to show me that. I couldn’t take anymore it to be there with her my heart was falling apart I needed some air.

I went out of the room and a nurse told me if I had any familiars to phone I gave her grandmas number. While she phoned I texted Dave and told him what happened. I wanted him to be here. I couldn’t do this alone.

After some time of sitting on the floor crying, grandma came and so did Dave. I went and hugged my grandma while I continued to cry. She talked to the nurse to know what happened. Grandma was my mom’s mother and I loved her so deeply.

Grams started to cry too when the doctor told her what happened. Then she went into the room were mum was held and she stayed there. Dave gave me a huge hug and sat beside me while I continued to cry. My heart began to ache so hard, I almost couldn’t breathe.

After sometime I told Dave to go because I wanted to be alone right now, I needed to get my head straight. He left and I went and told grams that I was going for a walk.
I started to walk and I didn’t want to stop. All kind of thoughts were coming to me that I was the one that killed her I always yelled at her when she didn’t give me what I want and so finally, her heart stopped.

I think I kept walking for about an hour and finally I stopped when I found an empty bench. I sat down and it started to rain it was going to be a rainy week. I covered my face with my hands. This was the first time that the rain wasn’t going to change my mood. How could it? My mum just died. Tears couldn’t stop and again my heart started to hurt but this time it was worse. I literally felt like someone has burnt a hole in my heart. I had known that something was going to happen and it happened.

The rain stopped and the sun began to come out. As I was crying, a guy sat on the bench that was in front of me. I recognized him he was the one I saw that day before at school, the guy that smiled at me in the hallway. He looked at me straight in the eyes. He knew that something was wrong and so he sat beside me.

Thomas: “What’s wrong?” He asked when he saw my red and puffy eyes.

Me: “I just lost the only person that gave meaning to my life, my mum.” I said as I washed away the tears that wear falling.

Thomas: “I’m sorry.” He said as he placed his hand on mine. I didn’t know what to think but it gave me comfort.

Me: “I don’t know what to do. It hurts so much, and I keep thinking that it is my entire fault that she died.”

Thomas: “No it isn’t anyone's fault, it just happens, people have to die.” He said as he washed away another tear.

Me: “How do you know you just met me?”

Thomas: “I just know, I see it in your eyes you wouldn’t hurt someone.” He said and I smiled for the first time this morning.

Me: "Thanks, I'm Emily by the way," I said.

Thomas: "I'm Thomas," he said and for about a minute we just kept staring in each others eyes.

Thomas: "You know you have beautiful eyes," he said and I blushed at his compliment.

Me: "Thanks," I said as a tear fell when I remembered that everyone had told me that I had my mom's eyes. Mum!

Thomas: "You wanna go for a walk or maybe grab something to eat?" he asked to change the subject.

Me: "A walk would do good," I answered and we both got up.

We started to walk through the park silent but it was a comfortable silence. All of a sudden I felt my hand being grabbed by another hand. Thomas had grabbed my hand! I don't' know why I feel like a 13 year old when I had crushes. I feel funny but then again I feel guilty that I'm feeling like this, I should be mourning, I should be in grief. But still I just can't give up that was what my mum taught me I have to be strong.

At least for my mum