My Winding Wheel

“Margret I really wish you were here,” Esmeralda collapsed onto her couch the next morning, grasping the cup of green tea in her hands as if her life depended on drinking it. She sipped at it, careful to not burn her tongue in the process, “It’s hardly a week and I miss you already.”

“Well, someone decided they didn’t want their best friend to see them pack or help, for that matter!”

“I know, woe is Esmy,” Esmeralda laughed to herself, setting her tea down on the black table in front of her as she stared out the window at the buildings surrounding her, “I feel like I’m living in a dream, Margret. My life is so chaotic and ridiculous right now. Well, at least, it has been. One day I lose my job and that same day my aunt offered me a beautiful penthouse to live in essentially? I wake up to stare at Central Park every morning, who does that? Honestly! And there was that boy from the airport…”

“Yes, about him, did you give him your number?” Margret’s voice was hinting at something else and Esmeralda rolled her eyes. Even though Margret couldn’t see it, she laughed at Esmeralda and scolded her, “Don’t roll your eyes woman. I can hear it all the way back here in lonely little ol’ San Francisco. Now, I’m getting to the office finally. Stay strong, my dear, and find a way to keep yourself occupied! Maybe start that job hunt, hmmm?”

“Yeah you’re right I just…I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. I love you Margret, even though you torture me so.”

“Yeah yeah, love you too you lucky bitch. Enjoy your palace Esmy!” Margret hung up before Esmeralda could even respond. With a short laugh, Esmeralda set her phone aside and turned her stereo back up with her remote that sat on the table. As the sounds of Margot and The Nuclear So & So’s filled her apartment, Esmeralda watched the city move by below her in a state of pure and contented bliss.



“Oi! Max! We’re going to be late, you loon!” Josh made his way out of the bathroom of their hotel they had for the night , glancing at his friend with worry as he gathered his things, “You okay?”

“I want to make it up to that bird from yesterday! She tried calling her phone with mine before it died so I have her number in my log, but I don’t want to come off as a right creep either.”

“Shoot her a text and invite her tonight. Throw the lass on the list, right? I think she said her name was Esmeralda?”

“Yeah…yeah that could work! Good thinking Josh!”

“Obviously I’m the one with brains in this damn band. You’ve gone nutty since we landed!”

Max shot her off a quick text of thanks and invited her to the show, but moments after he got a short reply of No worries! Not necessary, at all! Sorry, can’t make it my family is in town. Enjoy!

“She can’t come?” Josh laughed, patting Max on the back roughly as he grabbed the last of his stuff, “Tough luck, mate. You just can’t catch a bird can ya?”

“Ha ha, let’s just go.”



Later that afternoon, Esmeralda emerged from her bedroom fully showered and relaxed to find her aunt sitting in the kitchen with two young men. Esmeralda stopped, frowning as she did. She glanced at the two men, not recognizing either from behind. Slowly she looked to her Auntie Rose, “Auntie…”

“Oh Esmy! Good, you are finished! Come come, your cousin and his friend are here!”

“Jay? Oh my god!” Esmeralda dropped the towel she was previously using to dry her hair and quickly crossed the apartment, pulling her cousin into a hug as he stood from his seat. Laughing, the young man picked her up and squeezed her tightly, smiling against her shoulder, “Little miss Esmy! You’ve grown up so much since I last saw you!! How long has it been? Three years?”

“Almost four! Stupid Florida, keeping you all to itself! How are you Jay? What are you doing in New York?”

“I’m here with my band that I joined! I know you and Auntie joked about it in high school, but we’re actually doing pretty well off for how the industry is going. Which, reminds me, Esmeralda this is my friend Maika. He’s in the band with me, I don’t know if you remember him…?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t!” Esmeralda offered her hand to the man in front of her, smiling at him, “Pleasure to meet you though!”

“And you as well Miss…”

“Corteze.”

“Cortez?”

“No, Cor tey zay. It’s similar but with an extra ‘e’ unfortunately!”

“Well, pleasure is mine Miss Corteze. Lovely house too, by the way.”

“Thank you!” Esmeralda laughed, looking over at her amused aunt, “Rose gave it to me as a congrats on graduating college and sticking it to the man, essentially.”

“I knew I loved this side of the family for a reason!” Jay exclaimed, laughing to himself, “Hey, are you busy tonight? I know you just moved here and all but it’s our first night of tour and I’d really appreciate you coming to see us play! Plus I haven’t got to hang out with my cousin in so long, it would be great to just be able to catch up with you and see how everyone is back on the west coast! It’s like you guys live on a different planet out there or something!”

Esmeralda rolled her eyes, laughing sarcastically at Jay, “Oh ha ha. Yeah, we’re invaders from Mars if you didn’t know it already! Sorry to spill the beans! Forgive me overlords!”

“I like this girl!” Maika laughed along with Esmeralda, slinging his arm around her shoulders, “We should let her take your place in the band, ey Jay? She’s got spunk!”

“Her gumption can’t make up for my good looks,” Jay ran a hand through his hair, striking a pose and causing Esmeralda to go into a fit of giggles. Maika laughed along, shoving at Jay’s shoulder. Once Esmeralda finally got control of herself, she smiled at the two boys, nodding her head, “I’ve only been to arena concerts, never seen a little one before. I’m in, as long as you don’t ditch me!”

“Deal. As long as you change into something less fancy for me! Cashmere and jeans won’t do for a club, you’ll ruin it!”

“Fine fine. Here’s my number, text me the address and I’ll meet you there later. Auntie Rosie and I are going shopping.” Esmeralda quickly scribbled down her number for Jay, handing it over as she ushered him and Maika out of the apartment, “I’ll see you guys tonight!”

“You’ll be on the list, just call me when you get there just in case!” Esmeralda nodded, exchanging a final goodbye with the boys as she shut the door behind them. Turning to face her aunt who followed her into the front hall, Esmeralda smiled softly, “Want to help me look more casual? Because I know how to look like a boy and look like I walked out of the show Gossip Girl, not in between. I really need Margret here, Auntie.”

“Calm yourself child,” Rosalinda smiled at Esmeralda, pulling her into a hug, “You call your friend, ask advice yes? Get a store list and I’ll treat you. And none of this arguing non-sense! Go now, I need coffee from the café down the street anyways. I’ll be back in the hour Esmy dear.”

“Thank you Auntie,” Esmeralda sighed, “For everything, really.”

“My pleasure mon cherie!”



Esmeralda looked at herself in her full length mirror, spinning around once to see if she liked the outfit. Sighing, she turned to face her computer again and the video chat she was in with Margret, “I just don’t feel like…well…me. Are you sure? I think it’s the leather jacket…”

“Trust me, you’ll come to love it. You look adorable Esmy! Jay’s friends are going to love you!”

“Thanks, I gotta go though Mar. I’ll call you tomorrow about you coming out here. I need you in my life again soon! Love you, say hi to Kevin for me!”

“Bye dear! Good luck!”

Esmeralda exited the program and shut her laptop, looking into the mirror once more. She didn’t hate the outfit, infact it was pretty close to her old style actually. She just didn’t feel like herself in it. The short jean shorts were her old ones she wore constantly back in California, tearing and stain covered from years of wearing them. Underneath she had on a nice pair of black lacey tights so she wasn’t as cold. Her black riding boots, as Margret called them, felt like her old Converse she adored in high school so those weren’t a problem. The top looked like a tank top her cousin would wear, fitting loose enough to show off her figure but not tight enough to show it all. The jacket was what bothered her. It was effeminately cut, with it’s blazer-esque style. But the leather made her feel like it looked harder than it actually was.

With one more turn to look at herself in the mirror, Esmeralda gathered her keys, phone, and small white Chanel bag to set off for the club. Catching a cab wasn’t hard in New York like it was in San Francisco. However, it just felt more dangerous to Esmeralda. She rattled off the address to the cab driver once she got one, gripping the seat as he tore through New York to get to this “Crazy Donkey”. One toll booth and a trip over the Long Island expressway later, Esmeralda finally arrived. She tipped the man well, apologizing for how far the drive was before turning to face the venue.

Kids were lined up around the corner for the venue in the small town. Esmeralda took in the line, smiling at how excited each kid looked to be going inside. She spotted the will call booth, shooting Jay a text of Here!!! Come get me! as she approached the window. She offered her photo ID and was given a wristband shortly after, as Jay came out to get her. A few girls approached, asking for a picture with him before he could get back inside. Esmeralda laughed, offering to take it for them real fast if Jay agreed. Jay nodded with a smile, signing their tickets after before dragging his cousin into the venue. “Sorry about that…”

“No, no it’s cute. When I was that age if any of the guys in Third Eye Blind had done that for me I would have nearly cried. I get it and it’s sweet of you, honestly!” Esmeralda smiled, looping her arm into her cousin’s, “So, baby cousin, this is what your world is like? Goofing off and taking pictures with girls?”

“Not always. Lots of interviews and pre-production stuff this morning, but mostly they let Maika handle the talking and we just look pretty.” Jay laughed, nodding to the security as he led Esmeralda into the back of house, “Now you, avoid everyone. No, I’m kidding, but just be careful who you’re talking to. We don’t know everyone on this tour yet and frankly, we are only close with one other band out of the other four on this tour so. I can’t speak for them, only for the people we know. The guys in Mayday are so sweet though, you’ll love them honestly! Derek just had a baby too, super sweet guy!”

“Are you sure this is going to be okay for me to be here? I don’t want to get in the way…”

“It’ll be fine. Here, I’ll show you our merch area and introduce you to the rest of the guys.”

“Alright, if you say so…”



“Max! I thought you said that bird wasn’t coming? The one that had your phone!” Josh walked into the bar area of The Crazy Donkey, looking at Max with a confused look, “Said she was busy, right?”

“Yeah mate, what are you on about? She’s not comin’ here you nutter.”

“Then why is she standing in the merch area with some other bloke right now?” Josh pointed out Esmeralda to Max, making Max frown and look at his phone. Josh shrugged, smirking at him. “Mate, I think your luck just turned for the better. I got a phone call to make. My lass is probably just wakin’ up…”

“Yeah yeah, take off. Leave me to fend for myself. Great mate you are, leaving a bloke strung out all alone!”

“Oi, get over ya self. You’ll be fine.” Josh shook his head as he turned to leave, pulling out his phone and calling an all too familiar number. On first ring someone picked up, but the voice was a lot deeper than he was used to, “’Lo?”

“Who’s this? And why do you have Rhi’s phone?”

“Look mate, I don’t know who you are but you keep calling my lass and it says clearly on the ID ‘do not answer’, so who are you?”

“Do not answer? I’m her boyfriend, I am. Who are you?”

“Mate, that’s funny, because I’m her boyfriend of six months and I ain’t ever heard of ya.”

Josh could hear Rhi’s voice in the back, questioning who is was. In an instant, after a scramble to get the phone, Rhi’s voice came on the line, “Josh…”

“You’re a proper slag aren’t you, Rhi? Really? Six months and you couldn’t tell me? No wonder you’ve been so distant!”

“I tried to tell you…”

“Obviously not since you had no qualms accepting the iPod I gave you for your birthday last week! Jesus Rhiannon! I have to go.”

“Joshua James…”

“Go fuck yourself Rhi.” Josh hung up the phone, turning it off as he bit back a scream of frustration. Flashing his pass to security to get back into the backstage area, Josh headed up to the room where the rest of his band was trying not to react too much to what just happened. Fake a smile, don’t let the kids know you’re down, and you can fix it later. Just breathe…