I Myself Am Strange and Unusual

"Why'd yeh drag me to the park again?" I groaned, watching Audrey from the ground. She was skipping and spinning in circles in the grass.

"I don't see the problem."

"Of course yeh don't. Yeh in an entirely different country than yeh problems."

She grinned. "Hey, just because my problems aren't at work right now doesn't mean you can hate on me and my good mood."

I rolled my eyes, a smile creeping on to my face. I couldn't even pretend to be mad at this girl. "Will yeh quit spinning and just sit wiff me?"

"Fine fine, mister grumpy pants." She walked over and plopped herself on my lap.

"Hey! I'm not a seat!"

"Duh," she giggled, grabbing my beanie off my head and putting it on hers. She got off my lap and sat across from me. "Let's play truth or dare."

"Kids game."

"We are kids!"

I chuckled, "we're in the middle of our twenties. I hardly fink that we're kids."

"I'll go first. Dare."

I rolled my eyes at how she completely ignored me. "Yank," I laughed. "Go lick that swing set."

Audrey jumped up and sprinted to the swing set before licking it twice. "Kiss me!" She yelled, running back over.

"Nevah! I don't know what kind of gross shit I might get from yeh now!"

She pouted, "yea yea. We'll see how long that'll last."

"Whatevah. Okay go."

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

I watched the wheels in her brain turn as a very devious smile crossed her face. "I dare you to call Sarah at work at tell her to fuck off."

"What!" I laughed, "no way!"

"Too late. You dared. Do it."

I groaned, pulling my phone out of my pocket before dialing the number.

"Lee, I'm at work. What do yeh want?"

"Fuck off," I mumbled, trying not to laugh at the face Audrey was giving me.

"What?" She hissed.

"I said 'fuck off' yeh stupid yank. Pay attention and yeh might have heard meh the first time."

"Are you-"

I laughed and clicked the phone before I could hear Sarah's rampage on the other end.

"Oh my God. I can't believe you did that!" Audrey laughed.

"Yeh dared me too!"

"That's way worse than licking a swing set! Oh my God. I cannot wait for her to come home from work now."

"Why? So yeh can see her yell at me?"

She grinned, "maybe. Maybe I'll tell her that I've been fucking you for years and you finally asked me to settle down and marry me."

"What!" I laughed. "Oh God, she'd kill both of us!"

Audrey smirked. "I want to see her try. I'll give her the ol' one-two. Pow pow!" She giggled, punching the air.

"Just kiss meh before I ship yeh back to America."

She giggled and leaned over, kissing my lips. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"You kissed me. I licked a swing set and you kissed me."

"Fuck," I mumbled, reaching over and stealing my beanie. "Nevah again!"

"Lies!"

"Yeh right," I laughed, leaning over and kissing her again. "Come on. Crazy bitch aka Sarah is probableh on her way home from work at this rate."

"Time to go fight the dragon," she grinned.