I Myself Am Strange and Unusual

"Uhm..." I stuttered out before grasping the blankets tighter that hung around my waist.

"What the fuck is goin' on here?"

My eyes flashed to Audrey as she slid off the bed. She adjusted my shirt on her body to make sure she was covered before marching straight up to Sarah. I didn't think my heart could beat as fast as it was at that instant. "Why hello there," she smiled cynically.

"Who are yeh?" Sarah hissed. "And don't give me any 'I'm his sistah' bullshit."

"I'm Audrey, the girl your man fucked because you clearly aren't what he wanted nor needed."

"Yeh little hussy," Sarah spat out. "How dare yeh sleep wiff my man!"

"Your man?" She laughed. "He hasn't been 'your man'" Audrey mocked, air quoting, "since I met him. He's clearly moved on to bigger and better things than a gold digging bitch like you."

"I cannot believe what I'm hearing!" Sarah yelled before marching up to me. "How dare yeh treat me like this! I do everyfing yeh evah asked me to and this is what I come back to? Yeh are realleh the biggest piece of shit I 'ave evah met."

"Sarah, cut the fucking shit." I groaned. "Yeh just use me. I highly doubt yeh were evah in love wiff me in the first place."

"You're right," Sarah laughed. "How can someone be in love wiff someone as strange and unusual like yehself. Yeh must be dreamin' if yeh fink any one will love yeh sorreh arse."

"Excuse me, hoe! Don't talk to my man like that!" Audrey yelled, marching up to Sarah. My eyes widened and I immediately took a few steps back.

"Don't fuckin' call me a hoe when yeh the one sleepin' wiff someone who has a girlfriend and then walk around sayin' that yeh his sistah!"

"You're right, I'm an awful person. But I'd much rather be an awful person that be a dirt bag, gold digging tramp who straight out uses a person. I may be a bad person, but I really like Lee, unlike you."

"Yeh barely know the man!" Sarah yelled back.

"I bet I know more about him than you ever have or will!"

"Listen up, princess" Sarah hissed to Audrey. "Yeh fink yeh all big and tough now but let me tell yeh, as soon as he finds another woman, he's goin' to do exactleh what he did to me to yeh and-"

Before I could stop her, Audrey's fist made contact with Sarah's slim figure. I watched Sarah collapse to the ground, passed out.

"God, she was so fucking annoying! How the fuck did you put up with that!"

I laughed, looking back down to Sarah's body. "Did yeh kill her?"

"No, just knocked her out. Bitch deserved it."

"I cannot believe yeh just punched a lass fo' me."

Audrey grinned, coming over and kissing me quickly. "Anything for you, babe." She winked and walked out of the room.

"Yeh crazy!" I yelled to her before turning to the dresser and slipping on boxers. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants before Audrey came back in the room.

"Ice cream?"

I turned and laughed as she was holding a giant tub of ice cream with two spoons. "Sure," I smiled. We both sat on the bed, spooning ice cream out of the tub, staring at Sarah's unconscious body. "Should we just leave her there?"

Audrey shrugged, "I mean, I guess. We could draw on her or something."

I shook my head, chuckling. "No, I fink knocking her unconscious and eating ice cream while staring at her is payback and weird enough."

"I can make it weirder," she challenged.

"Oh really? How?"

Audrey smirked, leaning over and licking my neck.

My fingers started tingling and my mind lost it as she slowly crawled on top of me. "Oh," I managed to whisper out.