I Myself Am Strange and Unusual

When we were done doing our deed, Audrey and I walked into the living room hand-in-hand, smirks plastered on our faces. Vegan and Oli stopped the video game and gave us a round of applause.

I rolled my eyes and sat on the couch, pulling Audrey on to my lap. Usually I’d be shy about this, but hell, I just got laid. The amount of fucks I gave was zero. “Congrats, mate,” Oli laughed, grabbing the controller again.

“Sod off,” Jona leaned over and smacked him. “I don’t see yeh gettin’ laid by anyone else otha’ than twelve year olds.”

“Hey!” Oli shouted back.

“It’s true, mate,” Matty laughed. “Christina ain’t puttin’ out any time soon.”

Oli rolled his eyes. “Whatevah.”

“Who’s Christina?” Audrey asked.

“His Latino model,” Vegan smirked, killing Oli’s guy.

“Fuck!” Oli shouted. “And fo’ yeh information, she’s Mexican.”

Audrey nodded, leaning in to my chest. “Mexicans are hot. How’s you swag that?”

Oli shot her a glare. “Suck on that!” Vegan yelled. Oli turned his head back to the game, groaning again at dying.

“I don’t get it,” Audrey finally said.

Jona looked over, tilting his head much like a dog would. “Get what?”

“You all have legit models for girlfriends. You’re in a crazy metal band, and you all get models. It isn’t fair.”

“Hey!” I whined.

She giggled and turned, kissing me on the cheek. “I’m not talking about me, I’m just saying in general, like, damn.”

Matty sighed, “well if it matters any, I’m single.”

Audrey shot him a look, “don’t say that. Jona’s right here and you could hurt his feelings.”

I laughed, kissing her cheek. Jona rolled his eyes, looking at the video game. “We’re all handsome blokes,” Vegan finally said. “I mean, look at us. We’re fuckin’ sexy.”

“Debatable,” Audrey mumbled, smirking.

“Hey!” Vegan laughed before killing Oli’s character again.

“Fuck this!” Oli yelled, throwing the remote. “Games are stupid. I’m leaving.”

“Wait! You’re my ride!” Vegan yelled, dropping his controller and running after Oli.

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around Audrey’s waist. “Yeh just ran two grown men out of the room screamin’. Yeh proud?”

“Technically, I didn’t do anything.”

“Yeh start trouble!” Matty laughed.

Jona nodded, throwing his arm over Matt’s shoulders. “Yea yeh do. Lee, yeh got to get a leash on that girl.”

Audrey smirked, “if he puts a leash on me, it better be in the bedroom.”

“Dear Lord,” I groaned, rubbing my face.

“And on that note,” Matty laughed, getting up.

Jona stood up, finishing his sentence, “we’re leaving. Behave yeh two!”

I rolled my eyes as they left the house. “I swear they’re gay,” she mumbled.

“Shut up,” I laughed, kissing her.