I Myself Am Strange and Unusual

"Leeeee," Audrey sang into my ear the next morning. "Wake up."

"Go away yeh demon bird," I mumbled rolling over.

She giggled and climbed on top of my body. "Wake, pretty please?"

"Nuh-uh," I shook my head.

"For me?" She whispered before placing her lips on mine.

"Mmm," I mumbled into her lips. "Alright, I'm up."

"Yes!" She cheered, giggling. "I'm hungry. Make me food."

I peaked one eye open at her, "realleh? Yeh woke me up fo' breakfast?"

Audrey nodded, grinning. "Well duh. Breakfast is the best meal of the day."

I rolled my eyes, smiling. "Jeez, why do I like yeh again?" I joked. Audrey was really starting to come out of her shell, and I couldn't help but love her even more. She was possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen.

"You like me because I'm awesome and hot."

I laughed, kissing her quickly before getting out of the bed. "Yea, that's exactleh it."

"Mhm," she grinned before jumping onto my back. "Bring me to the kitchen!"

"Oh, so now I have to carry yeh around too, huh?"

"Yup, and you're slacking. I'm still hungry and we're still not in the kitchen."

"Oh jeez, why did I bring yeh wiff me again?" I laughed, bringing her down the hallway and into the kitchen. I turned and placed her gently on the counter before facing her again. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Don't yeh fink I deserve a kiss for that?"

She shook her head, "nope. I still don't have breakfast."

I pouted, "yeh so mean."

"I know!" She laughed.

I rolled my eyes and smiled, grabbing some pots and pans out of the cabinet to cook her food. "Are yeh Vegan?"

"Hell no. Do I look like a girl that can go without bacon?"

I shrugged my shoulders, plopping a few eggs and bacon strips into the pan. "I don't know. I mean, yeh right. I fink yeh can handle yeh meat."

"If that was a sex joke, I am going to smack you."

"Smack me then," I laughed.

"Well that requires me getting off the counter, so no."

"Lazy," I chuckled.

"I made you carry me all the way to the kitchen and you just now are figuring out I'm lazy? You're slow."

"Hey!" I laughed, placing the food on a plate and handing it to her. "Here' yeh breakfast yeh mean bird."

Audrey pouted, grabbing some of my shirt. "Well now I want a kiss."

"Nope."

"No? Why not?"

"'Cause yeh nevah gave me one when I asked so now I'm makin' yeh wait."

"Fuck you," she laughed, taking a bite of her breakfast. "Kiss me."

"Don't 'ave to ask again," I grinned before leaning over and placing my lips on hers.

Keys by the front door sounded before it was opened. "Lee!" Sarah's voice chimed through the apartment. "Are yeh awake?"

I quickly turned away from Audrey and started putting the dishes in the sink to wash them.

"Jeez, Lee nevah makes me breakfast," Sarah commented, coming into the kitchen. And he's doin' the dishes? Wow, Andrea, yeh should have come 'ere sooner. His lazy ass is finally working."

My fists clenched and I mentally started counting backwards to calm myself down before speaking. "Her name is Audrey, not Andrea."

"Oh," Sarah shrugged. "Well anyways, I just came fo' money fo' my bills and I need gas money to go out tonight. I fink three hundred pounds will do lovely."

I bit my lip and pulled my wallet out, fishing for the money. "Here."

"Fanks babe," she leaned in to kiss me.

I quickly leaned back, "no kisses."

"What? Why?"

"I'm... sick."

"Ew," she immediately backed up. "Well, get bettah I guess. I'll text yeh later or somefing."

Audrey and I stayed silent until Sarah left the apartment. "You could have kissed her you know," she whispered.

I shook my head and walked over, wrapping my arms around Audrey's body. "I don't mind cheatin' on her but I could nevah cheat on yeh. It's completely different."

I felt her smile into my shirt as she wrapped her arms around me. "You really need to take her key to your flat away and also you need to stop paying her bills."

I sighed into Audrey's neck, nodding. "There are a lot of fings I need to do but I'm just takin' it one step at a time."

"What's step one?" She asked.

"Makin' sure yeh will nevah leave."

"You had me at 'hello'...well, you had me at 'passed out in the middle of the woods.'"

I chuckled, kissing her forehead. "Fanks babe."

"Babe, huh? I say one nice thing and now I'm babe?"

I nodded, "yes 'cause I ain't lettin' yeh leave my sight. I want yeh wiff me and so yeh are my babe."

She giggled, kissing me softly. "I can get used to that."