Together by This Christmas Tree

john o'callaghan

Sumner gently prodded me in the stomach, a tray of badly prepared food laying across my lap. She smiled brightly, like she was happy she was here. But I knew. She didn’t do well being single, being unemployed and too pretty to really land a job without any kind of sexual harassment. It was normal, familiar.

“Morning, John!” She said, beaming brightly with whitened teeth, and I noticed that, glittering in the distance, was Cally and I’s tree, glittering brightly. I mentally made a note. It was December 16th. Only so much time left to find my Christmas girl. Except, technically, I already found her.

Sumner snuggled into me. “Morning,” I grumbled, taking a bite of my burned toast with far too little butter, not wanting to wake up. It was a chilly morning, nearly sixty degrees, and Sumner was dancing around the room in just boy shorts and one of those stupid tank tops she loved so much.

I had vague flashbacks of last night, where Sumner complained all night that I wasn’t paying attention to her at all. And honestly, I wasn’t. I was studying Cally from across the room, who didn’t even seem to notice me. She laughed with Tony until his shift ended, then brought Pat up onto the bar, playing with Pat’s fingers and talking in hushed tones, smiling and laughing at everything he said.

Things had just, changed. Overnight, apparently.

While Sumner took a quick shower, I made a choice before I could change my mind, before I could over think it. Cally picked up on the third ring, sounding breathless. “Hello?” Before I could say anything else, I heard skin on skin. “Damien, I am on the fucking phone. Get off me.” She came back, and I quietly spoke.

“Hey, Cally,” I said, and she said nothing, waiting. “It’s John.” I nervously rubbed the back of my neck as Cally chuckled.

“So, you finally call me. I was wondering when I was going to hear from you again.” Her voice was pleasant, like nothing was wrong. I relaxed. I could almost hear the smile in her voice. “How’s everything? You figure out your little dilemma?”

Flashbacks of Cally’s apartment that night, the fire roaring, wine, talking. Cally’s long blonde hair, my caramel. Mixing together in a blur of what was real, Cally’s face replaced by Sumner’s, through it all off like nothing was happening. I shook my head. It was a mistake, a bitter and terrible mistake that only I could make to fuck up a relationship that wasn’t even one.

“Yeah, I did,” I said quietly, almost hearing a discontent I didn’t feel in my voice. “I, uh, got back with Sumner.” There was silence on the other side for a moment, before Cally cleared her throat.

“Well, congratulations then.” I pushed that guilt and discontent that only bubbled back up when I thought of Cally back into the pits of my body, and forced myself to smile. I cleared my throat, like she had.

“We should hang out soon, you know, meet Sumner-” Realizing what I said, I quickly backpedaled. “Or just us two. I just need to see you again. What are you up to tonight?” I said, the irony of it all crashing over me like waves, ignoring it like a fly in my ear. This would be normal. She smirked, I could just hear it.

“I’m actually going out with Pat tonight.” Cally was smiling, I could tell. It was the way her voice was higher, more cheery, the way it did when she was smiling her super bright smile. Did her and Pat have a thing? What if Pat loved her like I had wanted to, but like so many things, Sumner changed things. But change was for the better, change led to happiness and new beginnings and plenty of things I needed. “But maybe, Friday? They’re having a huge party for the staff at the pub, and well, I can invite people. Bring Sumner, and we’ll have a grand old time, okay?”

I agreed, promising to bring Sumner. But inside, I was terrified. Would Cally tell Sumner the words I was so scared to say? If I knew Cally at all, she would simply smile and pretend things were okay. That’s what she did, as she had explained so many times. “It’s easier to pretend you’re just tired than to explain what’s actually wrong, you know?” She had said, fingering the glass ornament in one hand and the other twirling her hair around her fingers.

Sumner, in all her glory, stepped out of the glass shower and smiled brightly at me, the edges tainted with past pain and hurt that none of us cared to explain, things that wouldn’t change a single thing if they were uttered. She kissed my cheek, holding the towel to her chest. “I’m just going to get dressed super quick, and then we can go to Halvo’s, right?” I hated how she said Halvo. “Aren’t Jess and Halvo going to the movies with us?” She said, though not needing an answer.

This was my way of telling Halvo and Jess. Jess was never a fan of Sumner, saying she always felt insignificant. The first time around, Jess and Halvo were in the beginning stages of their relationship, Jess scared of all of us, especially Sumner. But Halvo held her tight, making her feel wanted in the only way Halvo could.

God, I wanted that. Wanted that constant love that never ceased, even when they fought and ended up making out on the couch and talking things out like adults. Wanted that want to always hold hands and kiss in public, wanting to share the love. I knew part of it was just Halvo, and part of it was Jess wanting to cherish being happy. I was jealous, though, jealous of that need to be together constantly. That acceptance of them as themselves and them only.

I smiled, feeling it shrink as I spoke. “Yeah, they are. Go get dressed, and I’m going to just go get ready, okay?” I said, standing slowly, leaving my breakfast half eaten and Sumner standing there, wondering what the hell just happened.