Together by This Christmas Tree

john o'callaghan

A weight seemed to have been lifted off my chest once those words left my lips, and Cally smiled, tucking her knees against my thighs and closing her eyes, falling back into a deep slumber that was only pierced by adorable breathing through her nose and the occasional little snore.

I hadn’t been lying, and that’s what scared me. I knew that this was wrong, that I had Sumner back home who was more or less faithfully waiting for me to come back so we could heal, adapt, and love each other. I knew that I saw someone in Cally that I was sure no one else did. When I saw her, I saw a girl who was broken down and destroyed, but who decided to smile and move on with her life rather than do anything else. I saw someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with.

And deep inside, my heart was screaming that Cally was the one I should be spending the rest of my life with. And I thought I could see myself loving her.

I pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head as her hand tightened on my shirt, a few inches above my belly button, a few inches below my tattoo, something she was fascinated with. She smiled in her sleep, looking even more adorable than usual as she fell back into silence.

I wanted to experiment, while in England. Cuddle with Cally, pretend, in my own mind, that we were in a relationship, and wonder if we would ever work out. And judging by our fights and need for distance, perhaps we wouldn’t. But something deep inside my soul wanted me to try, to try and live down that night what felt like years ago and satisfy all those questions burning in my chest.

I buried my face into Cally’s hair, closing my eyes and drifting off into a delicate slumber with the most perfect girl in my arms.