This Christmas

Out of all my brothers I liked to think I was the brave one. I mean the brave sibling, not that I have something hiding in my pants. I was more independent, I had gone out, went to school, tried new things. Came home wasted, underage and dealt with the consequences. I had gone skydiving and taught college students for a whole year.

It would be a lie to say I was the most accomplished, I mean I didn't have a Stanley cup under my belt or anything. I hadn't played in the Olympics, even though I was involved in some of the advertising. I was successful on my own though and I was a proud person. I was proud of the strides I had made, alone.

That meant nothing though, when it came to dealing with my brothers and their anger and disappointment I was a big baby and often took to hiding in my room. It had been like this for years, when Eric scared off a boy back in high school I would scream at him and then go hide in my room until Mom had come in to tell me she had spoken with him.

When we were younger and I did something to annoy Marc I would go play with Jordan and hide behind him until the threat had passed.

And when I broke something that happened to belong to any of them… I just blamed it on Jared. Sometimes even if it was Jared's thing I had broken. He was pretty gullible as a kid.

Marc hadn't come back before dinner, and by the look on Lindsay's face when she saw me as I ball-lessly peaked down the stairs I knew he had told her. She looked like she was excited, like she wanted to hug me but she was obligated to take Marc's side.

I respected that.

Marc and I were… we had a different relationship. When we were really young everyone ogled over the twins and how a-like we looked. It wasn't until we were twelve that it really started to bother me and I started to search for ways to separate myself from him. As it was I was part of the Staal brothers. I wasn't even a boy yet they grouped me with them. I was my own person and I got really tired of telling people I had no desire to play hockey.

I joined the school band, took art classes and piano lessons.
Eventually I became the Staals sister, you know, the artsy one.

All of this leads me to now though, sitting in the Living Room, a mug full of hot chocolate sitting on the table beside me as I mindlessly flicked through channels seeing re-runs and Christmas specials. Marc still absent. I had kind of expected him to turn up at dinner, he was a boy and my brother I knew how much he loved to eat, but when he didn't I felt my heart sink a little bit.

Flashes of Marc running over my ring with the van and taking it to a pawn shop had briefly flickered through my mind and then I realized he wouldn't do that. Unlike me he would come back and share his feelings, probably hand me the ring right away. That fact alone made me feel more like shit.



I was just nodding off, my head resting against one arm of the couch when I hear the door in the kitchen click shut softly and some muffled noises as boots and a coat is removed. It was in that moment that I really wanted to flee, I couldn't actually think of a way to justify my actions. I had been nervous to tell everyone that was pretty much it. They didn't know I had even been dating anyone and to spring the news I was engaged was going to be a surprise for everyone.

It was my brothers I had been concerned about though, Mom and Dad loved us no matter what we did. Mom wasn't totally oblivious though, she had guessed a few months ago that I was seeing someone, she knew who. She just didn't know how serious it was. But, regardless if Mom knew, then Dad knew. That didn't mean my brothers knew though, sure I talked to them often my cell phone bills were proof of that. I saw them pretty often too, at least one of them every few weeks as I went back and forth with my travels.

"You could have told me you know," his sharp voice cuts through the quiet house making me jump suddenly. I hadn't even heard him walk into the room.
"I know," I sigh moving my feet as he walks around the side of the couch sitting down beside me. I hear him take a deep breath before rubbing his face roughly a small groan escaping his lips.

"I shouldn't have taken off like that, I'm happy for you. Well I think, I don't know who you're marrying."
"Marc-" I start, he holds his hands up stopping me mid sentence.

"Just let me say a few things first. I'm happy for you Mads, I mean I'm so happy for you. The first thing I thought was how happy I was, I just… you don't confide in me and it makes me wonder what happened to us. We used to be so close and now I don't know what is ever going on in your life. You'll call sure, but all I get is work details, that's all anyone gets. I know you like to do things for yourself but I'm your brother, hell I'm your twin and I'm pretty sure Jordan knows more about what's going on in your life half the time then I do."

He had a point though, I wouldn't deny that, I didn't tell Marc a lot of things, and Jordan always seemed to know more then I cared to share but that was because he usually annoyed it out of me and understood me best I found it was usually easier to tell Jordan things, especially compared to Eric and Marc, even Jared was a challenge.

"I'm so proud of you, I'm always so proud of you and I tell you everything. I just wish you'd trust me with things more. Or that you'd want to tell me things more, because you're my little sister and I love you and I think it's shitty that I find out you're engaged by you accidentally handing me your ring. I always pictured you announcing it at dinner all smiles not sneaking around. You should be happy, you should be floating on cloud nine and bursting to tell me details about him." Marc finishes looking me straight in the eyes, I swallow and nod sadly.

I wanted to do all that when I came home of course, I always wanted to talk about him. It was rare that I didn't, of course I wanted to tell Marc about how sweet he was. How he made me breakfast in bed more times in the last few months then most people got in a life time. How when we laid in bed at night we would sometimes just hold each other and talk for hours about anything and everything. How he always put a smile on my face instantly and I loved watching one tug on his lips when we locked eyes across a room.

But how do you explain that all to your brother? I take a deep breath turning so I could face Marc more easily, noticing how tired he looked.
"I love him," I say simply, "it's that simple really. I don't know how we even came to be, I had only met him briefly once before. We ran into each other and it kind of exploded from that. I was late for a meeting and then I saw him walking and we kind of just… it was like magnets forcing us together.

I didn't even make it to my meeting that day I had to call and ask them to move it to next day saying I had missed my flight due to security or something. He just completes me, he balances me out, but at the same time we're the same person. He's everything I am, and that I want and more at the same time. He's sarcastic like I am, and has this cool demeanor but then… Sometimes he's just so passionate that it scares you, you wonder where it came from because he doesn't seem like that kind of person. You don't expect him to have all these emotions but he does. He lets loose more then you'd think and will do the silliest things. He makes me laugh constantly with jokes and the little things he does. He's almost innocent in a way, but far from it when you think about it or hear his dark humor. He treats me like I hung the moon, he'd do anything for me and I would do the same for him.

I was selfish, Marc, I know that. I was falling in love, I was in love and I didn't want to share it. Like everything else I wanted to do it on my own. I didn't want my brothers telling me that hockey players were bad news. That on road-trips he would cheat on me. I didn't want to worry I wanted to remain blissfully happy, and I am. I am so happy and I would trust him with my life. I do regret not telling you, I want now to share it all but at the time I didn't. It was so new, so exciting. It was my hockey. My Stanley Cup game."

I finish, I had been twisting one of the throws on the couch and Marc gently takes it from my hand, slipping my ring into my palm.
"I understand."
"I'm sorry, I'll try harder, starting now. Be my best man?" I question giving him a small smile. I'll admit, I was trying to bribe him a bit, but it worked with Marc.

His face lights up as he raises an eyebrow in question, I shrug, "It's up to you, I have more guy friends then girls and we want it to be a small affair. You don't have to, it was just a thought, I'm sure he won't mind at all."

Marc ponders my proposal for a moment before rubbing his chin, "Depends, who's this he?"

I grin, I was hoping he'd ask that.