So Just Breathe.

The water seemed so cold. It was the cold that made your bones hurt, that nothing you could do would make you feel warm. I was either going to die from how cold the water was or I was going to drowning. It always bugged me in Titanic that Jack died of hypothermia, and here I am most likely going to die from the same thing. I’ve always had a fear of drowning, and here I was either going to drown or die of hypothermia.
I didn’t know how I was going to survive. I opened my mouth trying to scream for help and nothing came out.
I pushed myself up as a cold hard wave crashed into me pushing me under water causing me to swallow a bunch of water. Salt water starts to numb all your taste buds after you swallowed so much. It also leaves you with the overwhelming feeling you want to throw up.
I kept fighting to stay up, but something was attached to my leg keep me down. The more I kicked trying to stay up the hard I got. When ever I was able to get up there was wave waiting to crash into me and take me under again. I couldn’t help but cry at the fact that I was going to die like this.
I got my head above water one last time and tears streamed down my face, as the cold air hit my face. I didn’t know if the air was colder or the water.
I was too tired fight anymore. I finally let the water take me under.
I woke up shaking with tears streaming down my face.
“Hey hey you’re fine.” He said wrapping his arms around me pulling me into his chest.
“It was so real.” I sobbed.
“What happened love?” He said kissing my temple.
“I drowned.” I said clinging to him.
She’s been gone for ten days. In those ten days I’ve had nothing but have nightmares
I never thought I would have to bring flowers to my little sister’s grave. I never thought she would die before me. I always thought I would be the first to go. So here I am roses in hand laying them on her grave.
She was just eighteen. She had the world at her finger tips. She always told me she could do anything she up her mind to, and she really could. She was always that shining light in the room. She always had a smile on her face, and I rarely ever saw her frown on her face.
I ran my fingers through my messy brunette hair as I stared at her headstone. It read ‘Ryan Marie Rogers Loving daughter who was taken from us too soon’.
“It isn’t fair.” I said as a tear slid down my cheek.
“I know it isn’t love.” He said wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Thank you for flying home with me.” I said staring at the grass below me.
“It’s no problem love.” He said as I turned around to face him.
He had a look of concern on his face. The same one that had been on his face since I got the phone call from my mom telling me that Ryan was in a car crash.
I got the call on a normal Sunday night. I was sitting in Matt’s flat watching TV with him then my phone rang. I picked up the phone and my mom told me Ryan was in a car crash that I need to come home. I thought at first that she was just injured. I found out right when we landed in the states that she pasted away from internal bleeding.
“I’m ready to go.” I said lacing my fingers with his.
“Ok.” He said leading me to the car.
I walked into my parent’s busy house. I learned when somebody dies everyone in your neighbor hood decides they need to come together and bring over food and visit. I swear there is pretty much somebody over here twenty-four seven.
“Amelia is that you?” My mom asked from the other room.
“Yeah mom.” I said as I walked into the living room with Matt attached at my hand.
“Sweetheart dinner on the table.”
“Ok.” I said looking at her dry eyes. She only cried the when I got home and at the funeral. Other then that she hadn’t cried. I always heard that when a mother loses one of their children they are inconsolable. My mother wasn’t that case though. She always prided herself on being strong. She only cried when family died, and she didn’t cry much.
“Amelia sweetheart why don’t you introduce you lovely boyfriend to Mrs. Cooke?”
“Mrs. Cooke this is my boyfriend Matt.” I said giving her a smile. “Matt this is Mrs. Cooke.”
“It’s every nice to meet you Mrs.” I could tell he was putting on his English charm to try to get her to like him.
“Is that an English accent?”
“Yes it is ma’am.” As he said that my stomach let off a loud noise letting me and everyone else in the room know that I was hungry.
“Sounds like you need to eat love.”
“I haven’t really eaten all day.”
“I’m going to have excuses us, so I can feed her.” He said giving my mom and Mrs. Cooke a smile.
We ate dinner in silence, and the whole time he watched me with a concern look on his face.
“I’m tired.” I said standing up and walking my dish to the sink.
“Do you want to go to bed?” He asked putting his dish in the sink.
“Sure.” He grabbed my hand gently and led me up the stares to the room I used to sleep in when I lived here.
“Do you think you’ll be able to sleep tonight?” He asked as I pulled on one of his shirts to sleep in.
“I don’t know.” I said crawling into bed.
“You know you’ve been scaring me lately”
“I know I’m sorry.” I pulled the covers over me. “I’m scared to go to sleep at night.”
“It’s going to be ok love. I’m right her next to you.” He said crawling into bed next to me.
I lied down and curled into a ball. Matt put his arm around me pulling me close to him. “It’s going to be ok love.” He said kissing the back of my neck.
“I hope.” I said closing my heavy eyes.
”Somebody help!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. We were alone there was nobody near us. I felt cold on the inside and the outside.
I looked around at the dark ally. Everything felt still and so calm for the chaos that was going on.
“Hey I love you its fine.” He said holding his stomach where he had been shot. I stared at his stomach watching the blood slowly seep through the fibers of her shirt. He had a calm look face like it was no big deal he was bleeding to death, but I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but pain.
“How do you figure it’s going to be fine you’ve been shot?” I sobbed. I was having a hard catching my breath as I slowly moved his hands out the way to see the full effect of the wound on his stomach. I closed my eyes as I grazed my fingers over the top feeling the blood attach itself to my finger tips.
“Hey don’t cry love.” He grunted as I moved my hand up to see the amount of blood there was. I felt lost I didn’t know what to do to stop the bleeding. People always said they got this adrenalin rush in these situation that let you know what to do. I didn’t get one of those. I was completely clueless on what to do.
“I’m cold.” He whispered. I wasted no time ripping my jacket off and covering him up with.
“Please don’t die on me.” I laid down on the ground next to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling me as close as possible to him. I reached up pressing my lips. He smiled on my lips and kissed me back for a moment. As he pulled away I could taste the blood from his mouth on my lips.
I ran my fingers across my lips and saw blood. I looked down at him and saw that he was now bleeding out of his mouth.
“Love things happen…” Were his last words to me.
I shot up from sleep startled and feeling lost. I looked over see Matt wasn’t in bed next to me. I started to cry fighting to catch my breath. I ran my fingers through my hair. He was gone. He was gone just like my nightmare. It was coming true. I trying to tell myself it was a dream. I sat up pulling my knees into my chest and sobbed.
I looked up to the sound of Matt walked in room half asleep. He was scratching the back of his next looking at the floor only in his boxer-briefs.
“It happened again.” I sobbed.
“It’s okay.” He said rushing over to the bed pulling me into his arms with no hesitation.
“No it’s not.” I said struggling to catch my breath as he gently rubbed my back.
“What happened?” He whispered into my ear sending a shiver down my spine.
“You got shot, and you died.”
“Hey I’m here and I’m alive. I’m not going to leave your side.” He said laying the both of us down.
“You weren’t here when I woke up and it made it seem so much more real.” I whispered into his chest.
“I’m sorry.” He said moving my messy brown hair off to the side, and pressing his lips to my temple.
“I think I need to get help.” I mumbled admitting defeat to the nightmares.