Larry Grotter and the Half-Inch Wand
Chapter 2
The next time Larry looked in the mirror, he realised he had no eyebrows. This was due to the large explosion he caused when, with his amature cooking skills, he placed Cheerios in tin foil in the microwave and succeeded in blowing up his kitchen.
Wait a minute, his kitchen; his kitchen! What was he thinking, was he mad (yes) he was only 14, he didn’t own any clothes, let alone a house complete with kitchen!
Larry really needed some money and a bath; or shower, but he decided that first he need a foolproof plan. Because he was a fool. Leaving the safety of Privacy Drought was out of the question because his much feared enemy, He-Who-Must-Not-Fart; otherwise known as Lord Fartalot, was likely to be lurking close by. (In fact; at that moment in time, Lord Fartalot was on the other side of the world living it up with the aborigines).
Many people abbreviated Lord Fartalot’s name to either HWMNF or more commonly Fartypants. He was so named because of his unfortunate habit of letting out gas at the wrong moment (and once, at the right moment); it was his nervous system. Sadly for Larry, Fartypants always attacked with an eleven inch wand, so an embarrassing smell always clung around – no matter how much he scrubbed behind his ears.
These attacks had left Larry with very little friends (the faries) and a few big friends; namely Gron and Ert-My-Nee. These friends were used to his stench and always carried spare nose pegs for everyone. This meant that you could never understand what anyone was saying; because they talked with a blocked nose.
“Heddo Larry” Said Ert-My-Nee one day.
“Oh hello Ert-My-Nee; are you ok?”
“Wep, but whor you bokay? You bluk wedwul.”
“I’m sorry Erty” (this was Larry’s pet name) “I don’t understand what you are saying, never mine though; come and give me a big big hug!”
Ert-My-Nee cringed at the thought but never the less, she obliged and gave Larry a big big hug. Larry smiled as he sniffed in her sweet smell of dew, (the snow shower had left a dew-ish smell in the air).
Wait a minute, his kitchen; his kitchen! What was he thinking, was he mad (yes) he was only 14, he didn’t own any clothes, let alone a house complete with kitchen!
Larry really needed some money and a bath; or shower, but he decided that first he need a foolproof plan. Because he was a fool. Leaving the safety of Privacy Drought was out of the question because his much feared enemy, He-Who-Must-Not-Fart; otherwise known as Lord Fartalot, was likely to be lurking close by. (In fact; at that moment in time, Lord Fartalot was on the other side of the world living it up with the aborigines).
Many people abbreviated Lord Fartalot’s name to either HWMNF or more commonly Fartypants. He was so named because of his unfortunate habit of letting out gas at the wrong moment (and once, at the right moment); it was his nervous system. Sadly for Larry, Fartypants always attacked with an eleven inch wand, so an embarrassing smell always clung around – no matter how much he scrubbed behind his ears.
These attacks had left Larry with very little friends (the faries) and a few big friends; namely Gron and Ert-My-Nee. These friends were used to his stench and always carried spare nose pegs for everyone. This meant that you could never understand what anyone was saying; because they talked with a blocked nose.
“Heddo Larry” Said Ert-My-Nee one day.
“Oh hello Ert-My-Nee; are you ok?”
“Wep, but whor you bokay? You bluk wedwul.”
“I’m sorry Erty” (this was Larry’s pet name) “I don’t understand what you are saying, never mine though; come and give me a big big hug!”
Ert-My-Nee cringed at the thought but never the less, she obliged and gave Larry a big big hug. Larry smiled as he sniffed in her sweet smell of dew, (the snow shower had left a dew-ish smell in the air).