You Say I'm Fixed, but I Still Feel Broken

There was a girl in the distance; brown hair, blue eyes and beautiful all around. I have been watching her for a while now. She was wearing flared dark blue jeans and a plain black short sleeved shirt. She was deep in thought and I just couldn’t take my eyes off her.

“Tom what are you doing?” Georg asked taking me out of my day dream.

“Um, nothing,” I said forcing my eyes away from her.

“Tom you can’t keep watching her like this. It isn’t healthy, nor is it going to be legal if she thinks she has a stalker on her hands,” Georg said matter of factly.

Unfortunately he was right. Ever since we have decided to take a break from everything, moving here was probably the worst thing, but also the best thing we could have done. That one girl makes all the difference. For some odd reason, when I first saw her I was attached. There was something about her. She has mystery. Every day she is lost in thought, and she just either sits at her bedroom window or she is on the porch just looking out into the nothingness, considering we are in the middle of nowhere. I always wonder what goes on in her mind.

“I know I can’t but just look at her. She’s so depressed and she’s gorgeous, and,” I started to say.

“And she looks like a girl who isn’t up for Mr. Tom Kaulitz’s one night stands. She looks depressed, how about trying not to make it worse okay? Can we enjoy our break without a psycho girl whose life you ruined,” he said turning on his heel and slamming the glass sliding door shut.

Pft, seriously? I do not ruin every girl’s life. They always want more than I do. I am not ready to settle down. That is how I work. I can fool around and apparently I should come with my own disclosure because it always comes around and bites me in the ass later on. They think having sex meant something more to me, well surprise it never has. However, looking at the girl in the distance, she has a hold on me that I can’t quite figure out. I can just be friends with her right? I know, I don’t do friends, but it’s worth a shot.



I feel like this is all I do with my life. No one understands me, but then again how could they? My parents decided the answer was to go traveling, and not taking their only child. Okay, twenty-three doesn’t make me a child, but that’s all I’ll ever be to them; that and a burden. I can never figure my parents out. They seem like they care, but then who wants a deaf daughter? My hearing aid I feel it’s mostly for show. It helps me hear some, and I can read people’s lips, but life just got a lot harder.

Since my parents are away and they think I need supervision they thought the brilliant idea was to drop me off at my aunt and uncle’s house. Mind you they have three kids of their own. None of them know sign language, and none of them talk slow to let me figure out what they are saying. My parents said that I can read lips, well sure, but only if you go slowly so I can actually get the gist of what is being said. Coming out here allows me to think about life and to think if there is something out there for me. I am interested in a lot, but who wants a deaf girl for anything? I do talk, but my cousins already made fun of the way I sound. Maybe I should go by the deaf persona and only talk with my hands and never ever open my mouth. Being out here I have the sense of freedom, but I also have the eerie sense that someone is watching me, and I am not so sure how I like the feeling.