You Say I'm Fixed, but I Still Feel Broken

I like being out here as I said. There is no one for miles except for the very few neighbors that live around here and at that, they aren’t bothersome. I felt a presence behind me, but not enough to be bothered to turn around. All of a sudden there was a tap on my shoulder. It was my aunt.

“Sweetie, we are heading out for a bit, you’ll be fine alone right?” she asked. Or at least that is what I think the gist of what she asked was anyway. I just nodded.

She smiled and walked away. I just sighed. They’ll never understand what it’s like to lose one of your senses. They are taking everything for granted and then they have the nerve to make fun of me for it? Yes, because I asked for this. My cousin came out and greeted me with a shallow hug.

“Hey Kennie, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind sleeping in the living room tonight. I am having a giant sleep over and we need your room,” Jocelyn asked. Again, at least I think. They talk so fast that it’s hard to focus on the words that are actually coming out of their mouths.

“Uh, why can’t you use the living room?” I retorted not wanting to lose my safe place. She snorted, turned away and said something that I could not quite make out.

I was becoming more and more infuriated with this. They have no idea what I have to go through on a daily basis. They are supposed to be my family, but hell, no one could sit here and learn sign language for me, oh no, they thought that the stupid deaf girl should try to read lips and talk to fit into this world, well fucking excuse me for not fitting in or wanting to fit in!

“Listen, I’d appreciate it if you would stop making fun of me. I can’t help the way I sound, and this is my only form of communication with you guys, so please can you work with me?” I pleaded sounding like an idiot for doing so. More laughter escaped her mouth and I am so thankful that I could not hear her+. Then Jocelyn looked at me, and this time talked slowly so I couldn’t miss a thing she was saying.

“You listen to me, and listen to me well. Oh wait, you can’t so instead pay attention to the words coming out of my mouth. This is the real world sweet heart. We can hear, we can talk normal, we have fun. You are sleeping in the living room tonight whether you like it or not because this is our house and you were just dropped off here because your parents needed a break from you, do you understand me?” she stated. With every word that came out of her mouth it felt like a knife was being pushed in painfully slow into my abdomen, and all I could do is glare.

“Judging by the flaring nostrils, I am going to assume you understood every word I said. Maybe you’re not stupid after all. We’re going shopping, try not to destroy the house while we’re gone,” she sang and away she went.

I punched the banister and watched them drive off. I was for sure in for the long haul. As if my life couldn’t get any worse, right?



I just watched her. The other girl and her seemed to be having difficulties and by the looks of it the girl was making her angrier by the second. I hated seeing her like that. Hell, I didn’t even know this girl and I was already having these sorts of feelings.

“Cool it Tom, you don’t know her, this is none of your business and you need to move on,” I said trying to give myself a little pep talk.

I heard the door behind me thinking that it was going to be Georg again, but nope, it was my twin brother Bill.

“Georg said I could find you out here swooning over a girl you’ve never met,” he chuckled.

“Tom Kaulitz doesn’t swoon. What else am I supposed to do? We are way up north in the mountains, there is nothing for miles, and the only thing I have to entertain me is her mysterious life and you three,” I said half joking, and smiling to myself.

“Well sorry if the three of us aren’t as appealing to you as some random girl. If you plan on breaking her heart can you just get it done and over with, because honestly the sooner the better,” he said patting my back and getting back up.

“Why do you all think I am out to break her heart? Seriously you have no idea what is going on in my head!” I yelled getting more and more furious with each word.

“First of all I do know what goes on in that head of yours and second, you’re always breaking some girl’s heart one way or another. You don’t care about any body’s feelings but your own Tom. You care about your brothers and family, but when it comes to girls, let’s face it, you rather have them for a night and then ditch them like they are a piece of garbage,” he said with a hint of anger in his voice.

I hated when he got like this. He was right though. I am not one for commitment and he knows it, hell the whole world knows it. I can change though, right? What if sex is all I want from this girl? I have no idea what I want in life. I look back over and she now has her knees pulled up to her chest and from the distance it looks like she is crying. I should be over there wiping her tears. Again, Bill pulls me away.

“Dude, let’s go in before you seriously get lost in all this. You need to eat,” he said pulling me away from the girl across the way. I sadly agreed and headed back into the warmth of the house.