Too Much of Anything

My mind was still not in the best of places, but I had calmed down and instead of worrying what that bartender had said those couple nights before, as well as everything else which had gone horrifically wrong that night, I was enjoying myself. Sort of. The reason why I'm saying sort of is because I can't shake off that guilt. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that Jack will never find out and if he did it would be fine, I still felt like shit. I felt like everything which I had worked up to had been smashed into pieces in front of me. I was stupid, I know that. But I don't know how Jack will react if the truth slips.

Two days after we made up, a guy from our school announced that he was having a house party. None of us really knew him that well, but a house party is something that I couldn't say no to. Especially not to the booze. So we agreed - Jack and I - that we should spend time with our friends, who we hadn't really seen that much of recently.

Rian knocked on my door, he was going to drive there, his car sat in my drive way, all perfect and pristine. I remembered that wasn't actually his car, but his father's. I raised an eyebrow at him, and he seemed to guess what was going on in my head.

"No, I didn't ask for it," he rolled his eyes at me, "But it'll be fine, I'll take care of it."

I was worried for the poor thing - I mean the car by the way - Rian wasn't the best at taking care of things. I wouldn't be surprised if that car came back in a different condition to what it had first been.

I shrugged anyway, heading over to the car and seeing my boyfriend at the back, this huge smile on his face which could, potentially, light up the world. His smile was infectious because before I knew it, I was smiling too. I leaned down before getting in, kissing him gently and ignoring the disgusted noises in the background.

"Jeez, get a room would you!" Rian shook his head, even after this long he still hadn't gotten used to the two of us acting intimate.

I smirked back at him. "Oh, we will."

Rian swatted at me, not liking this response. He sat at the driver's seat mumbling 'you crazy lovebirds' as he drove away from my house. Zack was sitting in the passenger seat at the front, and he hadn't exactly acknowledged me since I had gotten in the car. Zack had been acting a little strange lately, but I didn't understand why he wasn't even saying hello. I wondered what was wrong with him, and why I had to be the brunt of it.

Jack wrapped an arm around my shoulder and started going on about something, I wasn't exactly listening, something else had caught my eye.

A flash of red filled my view, flashing me back to that night.

After that, I immediately wanted to ask Rian to turn around and take me home. But I didn't, instead I stayed silent, watching that girl walk past. Luckily, she hadn't seen me, but I saw her, and that was enough to put me on edge.

I turned my head back around, meeting with Jack's confused and concerned eyes. The look in them was a simple question which he didn't even need to say out loud: what's the matter? Of course, I just smiled meekly at him, because I couldn't tell him about it.

Rian stopped the car, pulling open the door as we all ambled out. I saw Zack staring at me in this pointed way, his eyes narrowed before he tore his gaze away and headed into the bustling house on his own.

"Is Zack pissed at me or something?" I asked Jack and Rian, the two of them looked as perplexed as I did.

I thought of going after Zack and asking him myself, but decided against it. Jack took hold of my hand and pulled me into the house, already five seconds in we were immersed in the feel of drunkenness and excitement.

We were handed some beers from this guy at the door, grinning at us like a banshee, slightly shaking as he told us to 'drink up' and I went along with it without a second thought. I found myself downing a bottle quicker than usual and was already nearly finishing a second one. Jack had grabbed me and was dancing with me, although we were more likely grinding than dancing. It was getting very heated, and my head killed. The room swam around me but all I could do was laugh ecstatically. Halfway through a familiar song that I couldn't place, I decided to head away from the dance floor telling Jack I'd be back in a second.

Zack was at the side of the room, his lips glued to this girl who I recognized from a member of my French class. I tapped him on the shoulder, but he only swatted me away, obviously busy lip locking with this girl he barely even knew.

"Hey, Zack? Zacko. Zachary. Merrick. Hello?" I giggled to myself, but had managed to get the attention of one Zachary Merrick.

He pushed the girl away from him, telling her to meet her back here in a bit. He turned towards me, a frown evident on his face.

"What Alex?" he questioned.

Zack was apparently sober, well sober enough that he wasn't acting like the idiots at the party. Although, he definitely wanted to get back to that girl he was snogging before, that was for sure.

"I was just wondering...why are you acting like a dick?" The words came out harsher than I planned, and I half thought he'd outright punch me. My eyes even scrunched up, expecting a hit any minute.

Zack only laughed at me. "I'm the dick?"

He was acting weird, Zack and I sometimes clashed, it was common knowledge but he wasn't acting nice.

"Well, yeah, you're acting like I don't exist and you seem like you're in a huge mood with me," I pointed out.

He snorted at me, his next few words making me wish I had just left him alone in the first place. "I know what you did, Alex."

The world seemed to turn quiet, well spare the sound of ringing in my ears, but everything, the voices and the music, it had all died down. I stared at him in disbelief, my eyes widening to the size of sauce pans.

"You should stop lying to Jack, he doesn't deserve it. She told me all about it, what you did that night, what you said to her. You need to tell Jack all of it," he revealed to me.

I couldn't understand how Zack had found out about that. But then again, she always had been a little sneak. I should have known my past failure's of a relationship would come back to bite me in the butt.

Her name was Emily and she was the first girl my Casanova self had left heart broken. Of course I regretted it, I regretted it every single waking day. But I didn't recognize her at that club. I was so angry at Jack for leaving me alone there, so confused about what that bartender had said, and so frustrated that everything was turning out sour, just like all the other times. All of these feelings had clouded my mind which added on to the alcohol and she just happened to be there.

I fucked up big time, I know I did. Emily and I didn't just make out, we had sex. I even told her, only out of spite of how much I hated Jack right then, how I felt like I didn't want him anymore. If I could go back in time, I'd have run after Jack praying for him to forgive me. But I have no such powers. I cheated on Jack, someone who I believed I'd never cheat on and only because of my own twisted reasons.

This was why I didn't want Jack to find out, because he would surely break apart.

"You don't understand Zack," I shook my head, "Just please don't tell Jack!"

"It's not me who you should be worried about. Emily is here tonight and she's planning on finding him and telling him herself."

With this, I turned back and ran through the crowd on the dance floor, desperately trying to find Emily and Jack. It would only make it worse if Emily told him, it would be better if I did, because he'd hear the true story of it all.

I found Emily quickly, her back to me as I grabbed her, pushing her to a place where he could talk in quiet. She raised her eyebrows when she saw it was me.

"You trying for another round, Gaskarth?" she smirked.

"Emily, I'm here to ask you not to tell Jack about that night. It meant nothing to me, it was an absolute mistake. I'm sorry about how I treated you in the past, but please. Don't tell Jack," I was begging now, literally begging. She didn't even bat an eyelid.

"No, you deserve this and much more."

What happened next came so swiftly, I almost felt like I was in an ongoing nightmare. Her hands were at the side of my face, and just when I heard Jack's voice, Jack approaching the both of us, she pressed her lips to mine.

I felt like I would choke. I felt like dying to there because anything would be better than facing Jack then. Emily pulled away facing Jack with a triumphant look on her face.

"He cheated on you, Jack. Like all of the others. He cheated on you with me."

I shouldn't have looked at Jack at that point, but something urged me to take a glance. His expression felt like a stab to the heart, many times over until I had no heart left. I stepped forward, finding tears threatening to pour from my eyes.

"Jack, I can explain -"

Emily didn't give me time to talk. "Do you know what he told me? He said that he hated you, that he found you annoying. He said that he had won that bet of yours easily."

I had said all of that, but I hadn't meant any of it. I loved Jack, I had realized that already. I didn't just love him as a best friend, but I loved him as a lover. But now all of that was ruined.

He looked no longer shocked, but angrier. He locked his eyes on mine, scrutinizing me. "Is this true?"

"Yes, it is. But I -" I reached towards him, my hands meeting his skin as he pulled away.

"Don't you dare even think of touching me!" he shouted, "Actually, don't even think of talking to me. Because I've had enough of you Alex, I'm done."

He stomped away, leaving me alone, my heart stolen from my chest. It was with him now, locked up and sealed away.