Too Much of Anything

Five years later

Looking through our school year book was hard, especially when I turned over a page to see Alex Gaskarth's picture, his face lacking any colour and his eyes misty, like he was thinking. That expression had stuck through the whole of the rest of high school, Alex hardly talked to Rian or Zack anymore, he had turned into a completely different person to the Alex I knew and had once loved. Zack always says that he got what he deserved, that he deserved every part of that loneliness after the way he had treated me.

Sometimes I'd agree with him, I'd join in with him and bitch about how much I hated Alex now, how he should rot in his excessive alcohol drinking and one night stands. Although, those words that poured out of my mouth were soon regretted afterwards. I'd go back home to my apartment and feel horrible. I would look through all of Alex and I's memories and wonder: What went wrong? Then I'd try to forget about caring for him and most of time, it did work.

A lot had changed since I last saw him, we had all grown up now and changed immensely. Zack lived a block away from my apartment I had bought in Baltimore, we were both working with Rian in a music shop that Zack and I co-owned. Zack and I had grown closer since Alex stepped away from my life and he had almost but not entirely filled Alex's spot as my best friend.

Since that disastrous break up, Zack had been trying to help me find someone else. But no one was as brilliant as Alex, as stunning as Alex, and as beautiful as Alex. Zack couldn't understand it, one particular night when he came back to my apartment he even voiced his complaints.

"Why can't you just move on, Jack. Why can't you just do that?" Zack asked me, his voice ushering.

I looked up at him across the room, frowning. "Are you insinuating that I haven't got over Alex? Because if you haven't forgotten, it has been five years now!"

Those years had gone by so slowly and Zack had tried to help me forget about Alex, but he couldn't, he never could. Of course Zack knew that, he was reminded of that all the time.

He shook his head. "Let's just say if Alex actually appeared in Baltimore from wherever the hell he is now. I think you'll go crawling back to him, you'll be sympathetic and think that what he did to you was so in the past. You were always too soft on him Jack."

I scoffed, but found myself at a loss for words. I couldn't come up with a clever comeback because I knew deep down he was correct. He was always right about everything, the more time Zack and I had spent together the more he began to suss me out piece by piece.

And of course, in doing so he had seen through my act in trying to pretend that everything was fine and dandy and that I didn't think about Alex every waking second. He was always on my mind, I would always think back to when this stupid bet never happened and we were only what we should have been - best friends.

Zack took my silence for what it was - an agreement. He picked up his keys that were sitting idly on the table, passing by me.

"I'll be back tomorrow morning alright, just promise me that you will actually try to forget about that guy for one night?" he asked.

I only nodded to his request, I couldn't dare speak it out loud knowing I only would be lying to Zack and to myself. I watched him leave the room, the door slamming as he left me to my own thoughts.

-

"So what about him, he's pretty cute?" Rian inquired from beside me, blatantly pointing at a guy with bright blond hair that most definitely wasn't his natural hair colour.

I rolled my eyes at Rian's attempts to trying to find me a guy, he just wouldn't give up. It was kind of driving me insane and also embarassing me at the same time. I won't even go into detail about all those separate times where he made me feel and probably look like an idiot.

"No way. There's probably more peroxide in his hair than there is shampooing products," I answered, handing some change to a guy who wanted to buy a guitar pick.

The door to our guitar shop opened and closed once as a person with a hood went to the back of the small room, straight over to where a few of our electric guitars sat.

"What about that one over there then?" Rian's eyes followed to where I was currently looking as I realized he was talking about the hooded figure.

"I can't even see his face, Rian. For all I know he could be butt ugly."

"But you don't know. That man over there could be the most gorgeous guy you've ever met. Go on, I dare you to go up to him," he prodded me in the side and I knew he had caught me in his spider web.

He and I both knew there was no way I'd say no after he dared me to do something. All common sense disappeared and I wanted to prove Rian that hey, I can go up to a complete stranger and say hi. So that's what I did. I nodded at Rian, telling him quickly that I accepted his dare as I walked over to where the guy in the hood was staring up at the guitars longingly.

I dug my hands in my pockets as I approached him, a sudden strange nervousness appearing in my throat. I never got nervous over anything so I couldn't understand why my calms were getting clammy. It was obviously by just looking at me that I hadn't been with anyone for a while.

I cleared my throat as I stopped right behind him. "Do you need any help there?"

He turned towards me and any excitement for what this mystery guy looked like dropped. He had sunglasses over his eyes, who where's sunglasses indoors? I still couldn't tell what he looked like very well, but his lips I was drawn to immediately. They were a light dusted pink and the way his mouth opened and closed drove me into a trance. I shook my head, trying to clear these thoughts from my head immediately.

"Yeah - but no. I mean, I can't afford anything in this shop right now, I just wanted to look," he looked back up at the guitars biting his lip. "This fucking sucks."

I laughed a little because his tone of voice was kind of nostalgic enough for me to want to laugh. It didn't only remind me of my school days but of how I started off being completely broke. Things were better now but I had some sympathy for this guy. But then again, there was something else about him too.

"I hear you, you can play one if you like. I don't mind at all," I reached up for one hanging right above my head handing it over to the boy as he peered at it and then back me.

His hand gingerly reached out for the guitar and it slightly brushed mine when he took it. I felt something there, but I shook it off immediately.

He held the guitar for a few seconds, contemplating whether he should play it or not. Not that long after he shook his head, handing it quickly back to me.

"I can't...I shouldn't even be here right now." He stormed away from me, rushing towards the door.

"Hey, wait. At least tell me your name!" I yelled after him as he opened the doors, his hood flying off to see the back of his light dirty blond hair.

I froze immediately, shell shocked. "Alex?"

-

It was two months after seeing that hooded figure that I met Matt. I had thought for a while that that guy at the shop was most probably Alex Gaskarth but then again, I never even saw his face properly. I secretly hoped he'd come back to the shop once again to gaze at the guitars so I'd have a chance to talk to him but the opportunity never came.

I gave up on waiting for that guy to show up and that was when I inevitably met Matt Flyzik. Zack introduced me to him when we were out clubbing one night, I didn't think much of him at first but I knew what Zack's intentions were. Matt however was obsessed with me as soon as his eyes laid on me. He was all over me at that club and he didn't seem to get a clue that I didn't want anything right now and my friends were being annoying and butting into my love life. I was hoping that Matt would get this and step back and he did.

Matt has this way though of getting what he wants, he explained it to us once when we were all really drunk over a couple of vodka shots.

"I see someone, I want them, I get them. End of fucking story!" He held his glass up in the air like he was going to toast the subject of this matter. All I did was stare at him wondering how far he was going to go to make me think he was even worth my while.

I usually don't act this way towards people, maybe if everything wasn't so fucked up I would have been fine with Matt flirting with me, but I wasn't. I didn't like it at all and to begin with, it just felt so wrong.

A month after that though found me kissing the life out Matt Flyzik.

Don't ask me how it happened because I honestly can't remember at all. One minute we were talking and the next our lips were pressed together. I just remember mentioning Alex and calling him a backstabbing bastard and then Matt saying something else to me and then that was it. But this small incident started what Matt liked to call, 'our splendidly fucking awesome fucked up relationship', and yes, he was drunk when he said that too.

So we had something, I couldn't really classify it as anything because I didn't actually know what it was. But I was happy and I was beginning to forget about Alex and that hooded figure at our shop.

That is, until that hooded figure came back.