Too Much of Anything

That day a lot of things happened, firstly Matt came round to the shop trying to take me away from my work. He trudged up to me where I was helping a kid get one of the smaller acoustics down and Matt had rushed up behind me, grabbing me by my waist and trying to haul me out of the shop.

It probably looked a little crazy, but Matt had been like this ever since I said yes to being his boyfriend, which admittedly, had taken an extremely long time. He's great Matt, he really is. I mean, he only has eyes for me, which is what I want, and there isn't any chance that he'd break my heart like Alex.

And here's another example of my mind switching over to him, but I've been getting better at shutting him out. I don't think about him as much as I used to, Matt has kind of helped me in that way. He knows about Alex and he sympathises with me. He also said once that if he met him in person, he'd punch him for me. I thought he was joking at the time, but the look in his eyes said otherwise.

Rian laughed when he noticed Matt with his arms wrapped around me and I glared at him. Matt was saying something, but I hadn't really been paying attention so far.

"It's so boring without you, you have no idea, Jack. Can't you take time off work to spend time with me?" Matt inquired as he took his arms off me, looking at me expectantly.

Zack had heard this conversation and was shaking his head at me, obviously he wasn't letting me get out of work today. Stupid sod. I work my ass off and he's not even letting me have fun, it's like even after all I've been through he still thinks it's fine to torture me like this.

"Sorry," I apologised, "But I can't. Zack needs me here, why don't I pick you up later?"

Matt's frown which had formed from my decline disappeared slightly as he smiled and nodded his head. "Sure," He leaned in and kissed me, "I'll see you later."

I watched him go trying to ignore the fact that his kiss didn't make me feel how I'm supposed to feel. There was always something missing, all the time.

He closed the door behind him and I walked back over to where Zack was. "You're so mean," I murmured, but of course he didn't really seem to care.

But anyway, back to the second thing that happened that day.

None of us really expected it, most of all especially me. Like I've said before, the thought of Alex Gaskarth, the one who I had been hopelessly in love with in high school, was a distant memory. And to be honest, it should have stayed that way. No matter how hard I hoped that one day that hooded figure would come back into the shop and take off his hood to reveal that familiar face I've missed for so long, I knew it would probably never happen.

But this is reality, and nothing like that ever happens. Even if it did I would have no idea what I'd say to him. Would I call him what I'd been wanting to all of this time: a backstabbing bastard who after everything we've been through only cared about himself. I guess though I'm not so brutally honest as I'd like to be because if he was here, I probably wouldn't even think of doing that. Maybe I'd cry, maybe I'd just avoid him altogether.

We'd been working for a while all day, watching the people come in and a few of them coming to the front desk. It hadn't been too busy and for that I was pretty thankful for. At around 5pm, only a few minutes before closure was when all my previous beliefs went down the drain. I was helping Rian with something, well not really helping because he was shouting at me and I just wanted to leave but I wasn't really paying attention to what was actually happening.

The bell on the door had made a sound warning us that someone had entered the shop. We closed it only a few minutes ago, so no one should be coming in at this time. Rian had left me to whatever he was doing before as he approached the stranger.

"Didn't you see the sign outside, we're closed," he informed.

This had brought everyone to Rian's attention, even Zack who had been in our small staff room was now watching the scene unfold, his eyes squinted as if that could help suss out who this guy exactly was. I, however, recognised him immediately. It was the guy from last time. Even looking at him now, I couldn't quite believe it.

"So I guess you really don't recognise me, huh, Zack?" the man said as he took off his hood and the sunglasses to reveal who I knew and hoped would not be the one underneath it.

My heart had dropped to my stomach when Alex's all too familiar gaze met mine and at first, I was stunned. Five years really had shaped and moulded him, his childish youth had gone and replaced it with a young man, a man whose eyes seemed to shine with experience but not the experience that I'd ever want to see in his eyes.

He didn't look himself, he looked like a piece of him was missing. He hadn't become a hopeless bum that Zack sometimes thought he'd end up as, he actually looked even more gorgeous than he had at the tender age of 18. And that was a huge thing to say.

I didn't say anything to him, there was so much I wanted to say but I found myself at a loss for words. What could I do but stare at him in wonder? A life without Alex for five years is weird and now he's come back and disrupted it. Zack, however, was not shy to announce his thoughts to the older Alex.

"Why the hell are you even here Alex? You should leave. Now," he demanded.

Alex didn't seem to acknowledge him at first, he didn't look at Rian either, his gaze was only on me. It kind of made me feel on edge and I suddenly found myself scrunching up my fists, trying to control the way my hands were shaking. Alex shook his head at Zack's order, heading closer towards me, the deer caught in the headlights at the furthest of the room.

"I really need to talk to you, Jack. It's important. Please, will you hear me out?" he sounded like he was begging now, this only taking me back to that night where I thought I had lost him for good.

Before I could open my mouth and say a word, Zack was now in the middle of Alex and I, almost like he was protecting him from me. I didn't need any sort of protection, especially not from Alex.

Alex now looked up at Zack, his eyes narrowing. A sort of regret had taken over any emotion in his face and as he stared at Zack, I could tell he missed his friends too.

"I said you should leave Alex. You're not welcome here," Zack repeated.

"So you're not going to even give me a chance to talk to him. I waited five years to sort my shit out. I'm not like before, Zack. I'm not!" Alex's voice had risen and even if Zack thought he was lying, somehow I believed him.

I wanted to know more about this Alex, of course he was different to the Alex I knew back then but I wanted to get to know him. If he had really sorted everything out and changed then maybe there was hope. I knew deep down that I shouldn't go back to Alex again, he had his chance once and he blew it. Zack was right, I'd always go crawling back to him.

A thought pulled me out of the mess of my mind as I was brought back to the fact that Alex really didn't have any place in my life any more. He wasn't my best friend now, as that had been taken by Zack and there was no way he'd be able to go back to being my boyfriend. I have Matt now anyway, I can't go back to Alex just because he decides to show his face.

Still, I was interested to know what he wanted to say, so even if all my common sense was telling me to get away from Alex before it was too late, my curiosity got the better of me.

I stepped in front of Zack before he decided to forcefully drag Alex out of the shop, he looked at me in disbelief and also in disappointment.

"Alright, fine. You've got five minutes to talk to me, Alex. It better be worth it."