Too Much of Anything

It was like everything that Alex had done to break me, to make me hate him so much that I never wanted to see him these past five years, was erased from my memory but only for that short space of time. Now all I could think about was what Rian had told me and how the word crashed seemed to explode in my mind.

I felt immobile, I had no idea how to properly function or speak so that I could ask Rian the important questions. But even that seemed to be a difficult task. My mind focused on that letter on the floor, hidden under clothes and other mess. All I wanted to do now was for it to magically appear in my hands. I felt stupid for not having read it in the first place.

I blinked, and with this action everything came back into place and all I could do was worry for Alex and wonder: how badly injured was he?

"You need to take me to him," I asked Rian, who also seemed to be in a bit of a nervous wreck. I thought about maybe calling Zack and informing him of what had happened, but Alex was the priority here. I had to make sure he was safe.

Rian finally nodded after a few seconds later, he walked towards his car almost as if doing so was excruciatingly painful and both of us clambered in. The ride to the hospital was eerily quiet, both of us stuck inside our own minds. I couldn't think of anything else but Alex, I didn't know the state he was in but I was beginning to freak about it. What if he was dying? What if he died thinking that I still hated him?

That was it, I finally admitted it to myself. I didn't hate Alex anymore. But to be honest, I don't think I ever hated him completely. It was rather I hated what he did to me, how he made me feel like shit and how he made me feel like my best friend never cared about me at all. I can't say he's changed, because I need to find out for myself if he has.

This was why I really wanted to read that letter, I wanted to know what was going on in his mind, why he was rushing to see me in the first place. I thought he had finally given up, I thought that we would probably not see each other again without it being just a coincidence.

I was kidding myself if I thought that I never wanted to see him again. Because I did. I always have thought it.

When the car stopped I literally jolted out of the car, running like a mad man inside of the hospital. I could hear Rian yelling behind me, but I wasn't focusing on that. I came to the front desk, asking hastily where Alexander Gaskarth's room is.

Once I was appointed a place to find him, I sped away again. I could hear people telling me to speed down, but I was in my own little world, nothing else mattered but Alex. He was the only one I cared about right now.

Rian had finally caught up with me and was wheezing behind me as he pointed to a door, the one with Alex's name on it. I felt like my breathing had stopped for a sheer second as we neared the door, my hand turning the door handle until it swung open.

Alex was asleep on his hospital bed, he was breathing short and heavy breaths, in and out. At least he was breathing, that relieved me a lot more than before. I edged closer to him, noticing the bruise on the top of his head, where he may have hit during the accident. He didn't look as bad as I had feared.

"Thank god he's still alive," I whispered under my breath, and I knew Rian could hear me. He was giving me this funny look that I couldn't understand. But I ignored him and sat down on the chair next to Alex's bed.

I felt as if I had gone back in time, all I wanted now was to touch Alex, to be able to be near him and hear his voice. It put everything into perspective, I was still in love with Alex and the idea of him not being here any longer absolutely terrified me. I reached out a hand to touch his cheek and leaned in closer taking him all in.

It was almost mesmerizing how much he had changed over the past few years. I had noticed it when he came to give me the letter, but now up close and personal, there were other things about him that had changed too. He looked more mature, but he also looked tired too, exhausted as if he hadn't gotten a proper sleep in days. There was slight bristle underneath his chin and his eyelashes fluttered every so often. I missed the color of his eyes, I longed to see them again.

The door to the room closed as I turned my head to see what happened. Rian was no longer in the room, he had left. Probably to give me space, I was really thankful for that.

My attention was back on Alex. "You nearly gave me a heart attack, you know."

It wasn't like he could hear me, but being able to talk to him like this again was exactly what I needed.

"I was scared because I thought that you had died and we never got to sort things out properly. When you wake up, I'll read that letter of yours, and we can talk this through like we should have done ages ago. I promise you that," I reassured him, my fingers sweeping away the hair that had fallen into his eyes.

To my surprise, a hand moved towards my face (one that was definitely a hundred percent not mine) pushing me away with a tiny shove. "Shut up....." A murmur left his lips, "Sleeping...Jack."

I stood up in shock suddenly grabbing him into my arms. He made a sound of disapproval, seeming to be uncomfortable, but I didn't care. "Thank fuck, you're awake," I kept on saying over and over.

I finally let go of him and he rolled his eyes at me, taking a deep breath. "Jesus, Jack, you nearly squeezed the living day lights out of me." He then looked at me properly for the first time in months, and the expression on his face changed to something unfathomable. He looked scared now, but most importantly confused.

"Why do you look so different?" he asked and now I was the one who didn't understand what was going on.

I had to check something though, certain procedures had to be met in these situations right? It looked like no doctor was coming soon.

"Alex, how old are you?"

He raised his eyebrows at me. "I'm 18."

And that was what made me finally understand why he was acting so apprehensive around me. Even worse than he would have done. I'd heard of these sort of situations happening before, but never would I have thought they'd happen to Alex.

I shook my head at him, "No, Alex, you're not. You're 23."

He laughed at me, a proper full on laugh that in normal situations I would have loved to hear, but it just showed how grave this had become.

Alex still didn't seem to believe me and I began to wonder how much he remembered to think that he was still 18, when he clearly wasn't.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"We made a bet together at my house and we got really drunk. It was to see who could be seduced by the other one first."

The mention of the bet which had been long forgotten in my head made me grimace. He didn't remember anything that happened after that. He didn't know that no one really one the bet, because we fell for each other.

I saw a mirror sitting on his bedside table as I brought it over towards him, showing his reflection.

"Alex, look at yourself. Do you seriously think you're still 18? Please Alex, you have to remember everything that's happened. Don't forget it just because you think it would be best, I need you to remember us," I felt like I was almost begging him this, but to him it probably sounded like I was going insane.

He took the mirror from my hands though, looking back at his reflection. His eyebrows raised and his eyes widened. He began to stutter a slight bit until he finally got his composure...and smirked.

"Well don't I look damn fine, right Jacky?" he winked at me.

The Casanova was back.