Too Much of Anything

Rian came around the following day and demanded we all stopped being antisocial and went out together, like old times. He'd gathered us all in the living room, Zack and I sitting on a couch and Alex lurking, his body tense and his attitude unsure of what he was doing.

He was avoiding Zack at all costs, that was for certain. He knew full well that things weren't the same with the two of them, and Zack had voiced to him his discontent for him being around. But I wished things were truly like old times, not like this, a weak copy of something that we once had.

It doesn't feel right anymore, the four of us in one room, there's too much tension for it to be okay. Alex didn't seem to know what he was doing either, he was shifting from one foot to the other, eying the seat next to Zack, a pained look on his face. I knew that Zack wasn't ready to let him in yet, he'd told me that, but it only made things worse for Alex.

Observing his face now, I could tell how troubled he was. I really wish I could get down to the bottom of this mess and figure out why it's so hard for Zack to forgive Alex when I had already forgiven him. Sort of, anyway. I don't think I'd ever truly forgive him for what happened, but I've chosen for now to keep it at the back of my mind, locked away and out of my reach.

If I were to think about it too much, then it would only make things worse between Alex and me. I think our relationship is beginning to shift again too, we're acting somewhat normal around each other, and that's what I had wanted for a long time.

Although, he's not really Alex, is he? He's like an imitation of him, nearly there but not quite really. I'd almost forgot about that whole dilemma with Alex's amnesia. All of this - that kiss, the way he's been acting around me lately - it's made me ignore the fact that he's not completely there.

I had to realize that, I had no idea what would happen if he did remember (but would he even remember at all, would he go on with life with half of his memory wiped clean) and I didn't know how Alex would react. I just prayed that he wouldn't run.

Zack shifted further towards me and he too was looking anywhere in the room but at Alex's direction. His eyes were burning holes into Rian's face almost - he was concentrating, trying to ignore Alex's presence.

"We're all going out," Rian finally spoke out, looking at all of us in turn, "And that includes you too Zack the recluse."

Zack made a face at this, not liking Rian's choice of words. Rian hadn't seen Zack too for a while, but he too had kept to himself when all of this was going on. I had a few texts from him over the space of the last week, but he hadn't bothered to come around. So, really, he was being a little hypocritical there.

He didn't say a mean remark back, although he looked like he wanted to. Instead, he asked, "So what do you suppose we do?"

Alex had been quiet all of this time, but now a spark had been lit in his eyes. "We party of course!" he grinned madly.

It might not have been only that that sparked it off, but now Zack had finally given into the temptation and he was full on glaring at Alex but this time it looked like he was about to get up and kill the boy. Alex's smile had dropped off his face in an instant, and now they were staring at each other, Alex scared while Zack grimaced at him.

"How typical of you," was all Zack said, but this had made Alex question him, and instead of acting unsure of everything around him, he was being a little more confident.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alex retorted back and he moved forwards, directly in front of Zack who looked like he was about to start yelling at him everything that he was keeping secret so far, but he had composed himself, his eyes glazing over.

Rian and I exchanged a glance at this and as if we were able to read each others minds, I grabbed Alex while he sat down next to Zack, hand on his shoulder just in case this did get a little too out of hand.

Alex's eyes met mine and the anger that had flared up in them for a second was reduced to a flickering flame, and instead he looked overwhelmingly sad.

"I don't understand why you hate me so much," his words were almost inaudible, and I had only just about caught them. Zack didn't say anything in response, his head turned away from him.

Alex's hands were clenched around the fabric of my shoulder and in this instant, he really did look younger than the rest of us.

"We're still not letting Zack stay in another night though," Rian told us, "So just leave all of this hostility here, understand?" His voice was stern, something that I hadn't heard in his voice for a long while. Zack and Alex both nodded solemnly, but I knew that there was only one route tonight would take - and it wouldn't be a good one.

-

We were heading over to a club some place in town, but it wasn't the first one we had been too, it was the second. The first hadn't gone very well, because Alex got himself really drunk and got all of us thrown out (it would be a lie though if I said that I hadn't had some part in it) and now we were walking down the street, on the path to another place even though this might have been a sign that enough was enough for tonight.

Alex was giggling about something, his hand grasping onto my arm, our bodies really close. He'd been extremely clingy too, which had received more death glares from Zachary Merrick, but I wasn't complaining. I liked it a lot, the attention and the way that Alex was acting like the two of us were still in a relationship.

That had finished a long time ago, but I missed this, I missed it a lot. Zack and Rian were walking ahead of us, seeming to be in deep conversation and not taking notice of the two of us behind them. Alex seemed thankful for this, as he'd been apprehensive of Zack the whole time too.

Alex suddenly moved so his hand was around my waist, and he was looking up at me, a goofy smile spread across his face. "You're really amazing, y'know that?"

I grinned back at him. "Thanks." My stomach was filled with a million butterflies and other creatures, doing back flips and front flips to their hearts content.

He pulled on my arm, bringing the both of us to a stop as he shook his head. "No, you don't get it, Jack. You don't get it at all!" he brought me closer, heart beating out of my chest, "I loved you and I still am in love with you. I love you."

My mouth opened a tad, jaw slacking as my eyes widened in shock. I wanted to cry like a baby because I'd wanted to hear those words so badly. But he was drunk and I had no idea if he even meant it. However, hope flooded through me and the prospect of being able to get back to where we were once again was in my reach - that's if he meant it how I hoped he did.

I wanted to say something, anything, so that I didn't carry on looking like an idiot with my mouth wide open. But just when I was about to say something that could have possibly changed everything, another voice took Alex's attention.

"Hey, Alex," the guy called from across the street as he walked over, now standing right next to us, "I haven't seen you for a while, where have you been?"

As soon as the guy was in Alex's eyesight, he recognized him immediately. "Vinny?"

A gasp leaves his lips in fright as he covers his mouth with his hands, as if that could stop the fact that the word was out in the open. A panicked look crossed his face and to start off with, I didn't understand why he looked so frightened.

Zack had been listening in and he stepped closer, a curious look on his face that stretched to something else - something darker.

"How do you know this guy?" he asked Alex, and now Alex was almost hyperventilating, the words he wanted to say stuck on his tongue.

And I just stood there, no clue as to what was unfolding around me.