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It's Gone
I can't remember most of today. Great, more of this 'not being able to remember anything' shit. Actually, I was in surgery for most of the day. And with a mix of a pounding head and anesthesia, I barley remember waking up this morning and heading down to the hospital. I really only remember waking up with Pete in the same bed as me, holding my waist like he was going to loose me at any moment.
Flowers were on every table in the small room and unopened cards were waiting to be read. My neck started to hurt just as a nurse came in to check on me.
"Oh, you're awake! How do you feel Ms. Katy?" she asked, her slightly wrinkled face turning up with a smile. She couldn't have been any older than 62 or younger than 48. I tried to speak, but I felt to tired to.
"Good? Does your neck hurt?" she asked. I nodded. "Well, Doctor Besman says to just stay and rest for a few days. You should be out by Saturday afternoon." she smiled. I smiled back at her as she exited the room. I just now remembered that my hair was in a messy bun. I put my hand under my hair line and felt for the scar.
It stung, it was gooey, and I now regret trying to feel my scar. I looked back at Pete. He was drooling in his sleep. How cute?! I tried to giggle, but couldn't muster enough energy to even do that. I just wiped the drool off his face and gently kissed his nose.
I watched him sleep for a while and just let my mind wonder. When are we going back on tour? Will I ever be able to go on tour again? Can I still sing? God have mercy on my vocal chords. I need them now more than ever. I depend on them. Will I ever forgive my friends for keeping this from me in the first place?
Well, duh! They're my friends! They brought me flowers and cards! They care more about me and my safety than anything else in this world! But will they forgive me for blowing up in their faces? Ugh, I sure hope so.
I guess I had asked myself enough questions to pass time. The next thing I knew, the sun was up and Pete was kissing my neck. And I actually giggled! He smiled and just rested with me in his arms. The nurse came back and checked my vitals, smiling at the sight of Pete and I.
"Are you two comfy?" she asked. I nodded and Pete smiled. "You don't need anything?" she asked. I shook my head and she made her way out of the room.
"Morning baby." Pete mumbled. I smiled and sighed. I still couldn't get myself into talking just yet.
"I love you." I did manage to whisper. He smiled and kissed me.
"Even with bad breath and no voice for the moment, I still love kissing you." he mumbled. I giggled my demented giggle again.
"Your groupies should be here any minute. Do you know how sorry they are?" he asked. My giggley face turned down, but I still nodded.
"You wanna read their cards?" he asked. I nodded. He got out of bed and grabbed the cards then joined me again and watched me open card after card. The first one I opened was, ironically, from Dev. 'A friend is a friend who doesn't keep secrets.' it said on the front. In her hand writing was 'I'm sorry!' in big Dev-like letters.
The next two were almost the same. One from Autumn and one from Matty; both apologizing for their lack of sharing knowledge about my tumor which was now no longer going to make me miserable. The next few were from Sonny, Billy and Sisky, Chislett and the Butcher, Vicky T, Alex, and Nate, Paramore, and of course, Quinn (OK, so I wasn't really expecting one from him, but it was sweet that he was thinking of me!).
The last and biggest one was from my Fall Out Boys. Pete's signature was the biggest, as usual, but it didn't matter to me. There was a cute little cartoon on the front of a pug in a body cast. The front said 'Get Well Soon......' and the inside said 'because we miss you!'.
I smiled and tried a louder giggle that didn't really make it out of my throat.
"You like our card?" Pete asked. I nodded and leaned over to kiss him. We heard someone clearing their throats and turned around. Billy, Sisky, Dev, Jeremy, and Autumn were all standing in the doorway.
What, did Jeremy like, stalk Dev or something? Doesn't he live in Tennessee? I smiled at the sight of my friends. And, despite how mad I had been at them days ago, I wanted to hug every single one of them right now! Dev saw my smile and knew that I had forgiven all that she had kept from me.
She smiled and ran right to me to hug me. She started mumbling things that I couldn't really make out, but it was nice to not be mad at my best friends. Jeremy joined the hug, then Autumn, Sisky, Billy, and finally, Pete.
"Aw! You guys are so cute!" I heard from the door. Matty and Vicky T were standing in the threshold with disposable cameras.
They started taking pictures like crazy. I loved it. I wanted to ask where the rest of FOB was and where Sonny was, but a. I couldn't speak, and b. Sonny and Andy walked in, hand-in-hand. Nice to see them together.
Joe and Patrick came in with my favorite Red head and attacked our dog-pile-on-Paigey! thing we had going on. But I loved it. I wouldn't want it any other way!
Flowers were on every table in the small room and unopened cards were waiting to be read. My neck started to hurt just as a nurse came in to check on me.
"Oh, you're awake! How do you feel Ms. Katy?" she asked, her slightly wrinkled face turning up with a smile. She couldn't have been any older than 62 or younger than 48. I tried to speak, but I felt to tired to.
"Good? Does your neck hurt?" she asked. I nodded. "Well, Doctor Besman says to just stay and rest for a few days. You should be out by Saturday afternoon." she smiled. I smiled back at her as she exited the room. I just now remembered that my hair was in a messy bun. I put my hand under my hair line and felt for the scar.
It stung, it was gooey, and I now regret trying to feel my scar. I looked back at Pete. He was drooling in his sleep. How cute?! I tried to giggle, but couldn't muster enough energy to even do that. I just wiped the drool off his face and gently kissed his nose.
I watched him sleep for a while and just let my mind wonder. When are we going back on tour? Will I ever be able to go on tour again? Can I still sing? God have mercy on my vocal chords. I need them now more than ever. I depend on them. Will I ever forgive my friends for keeping this from me in the first place?
Well, duh! They're my friends! They brought me flowers and cards! They care more about me and my safety than anything else in this world! But will they forgive me for blowing up in their faces? Ugh, I sure hope so.
I guess I had asked myself enough questions to pass time. The next thing I knew, the sun was up and Pete was kissing my neck. And I actually giggled! He smiled and just rested with me in his arms. The nurse came back and checked my vitals, smiling at the sight of Pete and I.
"Are you two comfy?" she asked. I nodded and Pete smiled. "You don't need anything?" she asked. I shook my head and she made her way out of the room.
"Morning baby." Pete mumbled. I smiled and sighed. I still couldn't get myself into talking just yet.
"I love you." I did manage to whisper. He smiled and kissed me.
"Even with bad breath and no voice for the moment, I still love kissing you." he mumbled. I giggled my demented giggle again.
"Your groupies should be here any minute. Do you know how sorry they are?" he asked. My giggley face turned down, but I still nodded.
"You wanna read their cards?" he asked. I nodded. He got out of bed and grabbed the cards then joined me again and watched me open card after card. The first one I opened was, ironically, from Dev. 'A friend is a friend who doesn't keep secrets.' it said on the front. In her hand writing was 'I'm sorry!' in big Dev-like letters.
The next two were almost the same. One from Autumn and one from Matty; both apologizing for their lack of sharing knowledge about my tumor which was now no longer going to make me miserable. The next few were from Sonny, Billy and Sisky, Chislett and the Butcher, Vicky T, Alex, and Nate, Paramore, and of course, Quinn (OK, so I wasn't really expecting one from him, but it was sweet that he was thinking of me!).
The last and biggest one was from my Fall Out Boys. Pete's signature was the biggest, as usual, but it didn't matter to me. There was a cute little cartoon on the front of a pug in a body cast. The front said 'Get Well Soon......' and the inside said 'because we miss you!'.
I smiled and tried a louder giggle that didn't really make it out of my throat.
"You like our card?" Pete asked. I nodded and leaned over to kiss him. We heard someone clearing their throats and turned around. Billy, Sisky, Dev, Jeremy, and Autumn were all standing in the doorway.
What, did Jeremy like, stalk Dev or something? Doesn't he live in Tennessee? I smiled at the sight of my friends. And, despite how mad I had been at them days ago, I wanted to hug every single one of them right now! Dev saw my smile and knew that I had forgiven all that she had kept from me.
She smiled and ran right to me to hug me. She started mumbling things that I couldn't really make out, but it was nice to not be mad at my best friends. Jeremy joined the hug, then Autumn, Sisky, Billy, and finally, Pete.
"Aw! You guys are so cute!" I heard from the door. Matty and Vicky T were standing in the threshold with disposable cameras.
They started taking pictures like crazy. I loved it. I wanted to ask where the rest of FOB was and where Sonny was, but a. I couldn't speak, and b. Sonny and Andy walked in, hand-in-hand. Nice to see them together.
Joe and Patrick came in with my favorite Red head and attacked our dog-pile-on-Paigey! thing we had going on. But I loved it. I wouldn't want it any other way!