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"Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calculate
What creates my own madness
And I'm addicted to your punishment
And you're the master
And I am waiting for disaster

[Chorus]
I feel irrational
So confrontational
To tell the truth I am
Getting away with murder
It isn't possible
To never tell the truth
But the reality is I'm getting away with murder
(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)

I drink my drink and I don't even want to
I think my thoughts when I don't even need to
I never look back cause I don't even want to
And I don't need to
Because I'm getting away with murder

[Chorus]

Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
With murder

Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calculate
What creates my own madness
And I'm addicted to your punishment
And you're the master
And I am craving this disaster

[Chorus 2x]"

I looked at the ground, walked over to an amp, and took a drink of water, waiting for Matty to tune his guitar. I turned back to the crowed and smiled. I guess, out of the nearly two years of being close to Pete, touring was the most fun I'd ever had. No one, not even Someone that kicks me out because I'm pregnant, will ever take that from me.

"How are you Sacramento?!" I yelled. Screaming and cheering met my ears, making my smile grow wider. This was definitely worth being away from Pete for a while. All these people were happy to see me, Matty, Sonny, Dev, and Autumn. One person in California wasn't happy to see me, but all of these people were.

Something clicked in my head. Was what we had really meant to last forever?

"Great to know someone's good. As some of you may know, I've been....going through some things. But you, all of you make my life worth getting onto that small, cramped bus, stuffing my shit into my bunk with me, and coming out here. I want to thank you, and everyone of you should know that this next song, it's all for you." I said.

"Time to lay claim to the evidence
Fingerprints sold me out
But our footprints washed away from the docks downtown
It's been getting late for days
And I think myself deserving of a little time off
We can kick it here for hours
And just mouth off about the world
And how we know it's going straight to hell

Pass me another bottle, honey
The Jager's so sweet
But if it keeps you around then I'm down

Meet me on Thames Street
I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce, but I'm warm enough
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars

I should have known better than to call you out
(On a night like this, a night like this)
If not for you, I know I'd tear this place to the ground
(But I'm alright like this, alright like this)
I'm gonna roll the dice before you sober up and get gone
(I'm always in over my head)

Thames Street
I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce, but I'm warm enough
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars

Time to lay claim to the evidence
Fingerprints sold me out
But our footprints washed away
I'm guilty, but I'm safe for one more day
Overdressed and underage (what a let down)
"Do you really need to see an ID?"
This is embarrassing as hell (what a let down)
But I can cover for it so well
When we're six feet under the stars

Thames Street
I'll take you out though I'm hardly worth your time
In the cold you look so fierce, but I'm warm enough
Because the tension's like a fire
We'll hit South Broadway in a matter of minutes
And like a bad movie, I'll drop a line
Fall in the grave I've been digging myself
But there's room for two
Six feet under the stars
Six feet under the stars
Six feet under the stars"
I took shallow breaths, trying to regain my full lung capacity. Everything seemed to be coming together. I was slowly figuring things out.

Pete and I were in love, at one point, but what about now? Right this minute, I knew I loved him, but I wasn't sure if that was enough. I wasn't sure if he was the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with anymore. Was what we had before the almost-baby enough to keep us together forever?

We finished our set and headed backstage, where Travis and Danny were waiting in my dressing room for me. I smiled, seeing my boys back from Florida. It reminded me that there was always at least one person thanking god that I was still alive. Made me feel special.

"Dinner?" Travis asked. I had almost forgotten that I agreed to go to dinner with him tonight. But I smiled as he got up and took my little hand in his huge one. Just friends going to get Pizza, that's all, I told myself. Plus, Travis is way too young for you. but really, was he?

We grabbed a cab and talked all the way to the pizza parlor. We had to catch up, six years is a long time! We finally got a table and ordered everything.

"How's your mom?" he asked. I looked at the table for an answer.

"Actually, Travis...I-I haven't talked to her since my 19th birthday, when I moved in with Dev, Autumn, Sonny, and Matty." I answered, shamefully. It made me sad to remember that I just....lost contact with the best friend I've literally had since birth.

"Oh." was all he could say back. Guess he was feeling the same way. My mother was like his second mom, and everyone that met my mom instantly fell in love. So, remembering the fact that I just....ignored her all these years, it makes me feel like a horrible person.

"But how's your mom?" asked. He chuckled.

"She's fine. Remarried and all. But this guy's cool, I guess. I mean, I barley know him because of my touring and such, but mom seems to like him." he told me. It was hard, talking about people I thought I was leaving behind in Florida, but Travis made it a lot better, thinking about the place I lived for a good 12 years of my life. He made it easier for me.

"Good. How've you been getting along for the last 6 years without me?" I asked. He smiled.

"OK, I guess. I miss my big sister. But I guess I have Dave, Hunter, and Drew to keep me in line." he told me. Just talking to this kid made me realize.....

All along, when I was feeling lost or confused, Pete wasn't what I needed. It's like, Pete was the Jack Daniels that numbed my confusion, but what I really needed was the cure. The cure, in this case, would be a trip to Wisconsin. I needed to visit my home, my family. Then I needed to go on Vacation to Bradinton, and visit all the people there that I know.

I just......need a vacation.