Honest Eyes

8/28/2011
I rolled over and groaned as my phone started blaring Megadeth’s “Never Walk Alone.” Hold on, Megadeth can only be one person…. “Gabe!” I half shouted into the phone.

“Well, good morning to you too, sunshine,” he laughed.

“As much as I love you, you’d better have a damn good reason for waking me up at 9 in the morning. You know I don’t surface until noon.” I cuddled back into my blankets, closing my eyes as I listened to the faint sounds of an acoustic guitar in the background.

“I have a very good reason, Row. You know we’re on Uproar right now, right? Shit, dumb question. You’re coming to the Tampa show. Anyway, Jason, who was doing our merch, got fucking sick as a dog and had to go home. I was calling to see if there was any possible way I could convince you to come on tour with us to do it. Please, Rowan. You were telling me the other day how much you hate your shit job anyway. We’d pay you better than they do. Plus, you’re traveling the country with awesome bands who I know you love, and spending time with your favorite people.” Gabe pleaded, attempting to unnecessarily convince me.

“Babe, you had me at ‘Merch.’ Of course, I’ll do it. I miss you guys like hell when you’re gone. How long is the rest of Uproar? And will I need to fly up to meet you or am I meeting up with you guys in Tampa or what?” I asked, sitting up and ruffling my awful bed head.

“We’ve only got two more shows before Tampa. It would be pointless to fly you up when we can manage it until then. We’ve got 2 days between our show in DC and Tampa, so we’re planning on coming home to see everyone. You can just throw your shit on the bus then. The tour lasts about 5 weeks after Tampa, ending in California. I’m fucking stoked now. Thanks so much for doing this, Row. She said she’ll do it, guys.” I heard a loud chorus of ‘thank you’ and ‘you’re fucking awesome.’ Austin, Steven, and Zakk must have been close by then.

“Dude, I should thank you for offering it to me. I get to tour the country with my best friends and some other famous rock stars, and best of all quit my shit job. We’ll have internet access, right? I’ll still need to do my school work.” I asked. I was taking online classes to work toward my journalism degree.

“Of course we do. We’re guys. There must be video games on this bus or we all go crazy during the drives. Shit, you’re down with sharing the bus with us, right? It’s cramped but livable.” He sounded a little nervous.

“Dude, you’ve yet to see mine and Thalia’s rat-hole closet of an apartment. Cramped is a daily constraint for me. I just ask that the bathroom remains somewhat clean. I know how you guys get.” I laughed. Those guys could make things seriously nasty when they were younger.

“Fair enough, Row. We’ll talk about it more later. I’ve got a sound check to get to. I’ll see you in 4 days.” Gabe said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Being a rock star just sounds so hard, love. Text me when you’re free. Bye, Gabe.” My day couldn’t have started any better than this. I figured I should probably crawl out of bed, even though it was only 9 and I had only slept for 4 hours. I had shit to do today, start off with quitting my crappy gas station job.

I guess I should probably explain. Gabe Garcia happens to be a rock star, if you haven’t gathered as much. He has been my neighbor for 17 years and my best friend. We were inseparable for years until his band, Black Tide, got signed. Somehow, even through the chaos of touring, we’ve managed to stay extremely close. Gabe is the one person in my life who I know will never turn his back on me. It just so happens I’ve had a massive crush on him since I was old enough to think of guys in that way. It’s more than that though. I have mad respect for him and his music, but I love him first as a person. I’m the one there to help keep him grounded.

Freshly showed and rocking the most inappropriate clothes possible, a Metallica T-shirt cut into a halter and the most tattered jeans I own, I walked out of the bathroom and straight into my cousin and roommate, Thalia. I apologized and offered her a hand up, “Sorry, Lia, I didn’t see you. “

“It’s all good, Row. Why the hell are you conscious right now? You don’t work until late, and I heard you still up writing when I got up at 5 to run.” She asked, walking to the shabby but comfortable couch in our living room.

“It’s not by choice, I assure you. Gabe called at 9 and woke me up. Their merch guy got ridiculously ill and won’t be able to join them for the rest of the tour, so he asked if I would do it. I’ll be making better money to help them and party my ass off than working that shit job at Exxon, so I said hell yeah. I’m going to quit now, since I’ll be gone for over a month and I hate that fucking place anyway. I can always find something better when I get back.” I explained. I walked into the tiny kitchen and grabbed an apple for breakfast.

“Dude, that fucking rocks. I don’t blame you at all for taking it. I sure as hell would have. But what about the rent and shit here? I can’t afford it on my own.” Lia exclaimed, but looked rather worried, biting her lip. Thalia, love her heart, was too cautious for her own good at times.

“The guys are paying me. I’m not sure of how much, but I’ll go ahead and give you my share of next month’s bills from my savings. Gabe assured me that it would be more than I make in my little hellhole.” I smiled. “It’s going to all work out, Thalia. You’ll see. And you won’t even miss me, that much. You’re going to be so busy with college the next month or so. Plus, you’ll have Zeus, the fluffy little yellow motherfucker, to keep you company."

“Yeah, I know. I just worry because this isn’t a very good part of town that if someone notices I’m here alone, shit might go down. I’m probably just worrying for nothing, right?” She laughed.

“If someone is stupid enough to come into this apartment, then you take the Louisville slugger from my bedroom and beat the ever-loving fuck out of them. Got it? Use your inner crazy half Latina,” I giggled, ruffling her obnoxiously pink hair. “I’m on my way out, though. Off to tell the idiotic fucks I work with I’m quitting. My boss is going to hate me. Want to come with me?” I turned to walk out the door.

“No thanks, I’m good. Have fun with that.” She called after me. I waved over my shoulder, slipped on my purple converse and headed off to free myself from hell.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I waltzed back into the apartment skipping and humming, a large cup of iced coffee in my hand. Thalia looked up from a massive text book, her black glasses frames perched upon the end of her nose. “I take it to mean that it went well?” She asked a smirk in her voice as she quirked her eyebrow.

“It was so amusing, Lia! Ben flipped a shit! He even accused me of planning this since Tyson is gone on vacation this week! Cause I totally didn’t just get the call this morning or anything, stupid fuck. Anyway he then went on to accuse me of being a whore because I’m going on tour with mainly all men. Guess who just went and reported him to corporate! He’s losing his job as we speak. I love being a bitch.” I said, taking a large swig of my coffee.

“Are you serious? I knew your boss was a jackass, but not that much. Good thing he’s gone. But anyway, I thought of something while you were gone. How are you going to deal with being in the same space as the guy you’ve had feeling for years every day? And what if he brings a chick back on the bus to hook up? Have you thought of that?” Lia asked, nervously adjusting her pink ponytail.

“I wouldn’t miss this opportunity for something so small as my feelings for Gabe. I know we’ve been too close for too long to ever have a relationship… or so I’m trying to convince myself. I’ve dated other guys and I’ve watched as he dated other girls. This is no different. If he fucks some chick, I’m going to act like it doesn’t hurt me. I’m the best friend, and that’s probably all I’ll ever be. I just have to be satisfied with that I guess.” I sighed, crashing on the couch next to her. “I just wish he’d see what is right in front of him. I’ve always been there and I always will be.”

She petted my hair as I laid my head on her shoulder. “I know it’s hard, Rowan. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just worry about you and I know how he is. He’s a great guy but he’s the love them and leave them type. He’s a guy and they are thick headed. He doesn’t realize your feelings. He’s designated you into that best friend category, and if you really do want him, you may have to push him a bit. Use this month you are together nonstop to force him to see you not as his childhood best friend, but as a gorgeous and sexy woman.” She explained, attempting to be logical. I didn’t want logic. I wanted someone to tell me that he did want me, and that he was just hiding it for whatever reason. I did see Lia’s point though. I was just hopeless with anything related to the male species.

“I have no idea how I would change his mind though, Lia. I’m not good with anything when it comes to guys. My longest relationship was only 8 months, and he ended up cheating on me with a whore. I’m used to sticking to the friend category because it’s safe. If we’re friends, I don’t end up getting hurt as badly. If I try a relationship, the results are disastrous.” I sigh and hung my head in my hands.

“But you have to take that chance, Rowan, or else you are forever doomed to be the best friend. And don’t even bring the fuckhead, Cody, into this. The results of that relationship were not your fault. He just couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. Back to what I was saying; you are completely gorgeous and have an awesome personality. Gabe would be crazy to not feel something other than friendship for you. You just have to show him that he does. This is going to sound stupid, but flirt with all the guys and see if he gets jealous, which I can almost guarantee he will. He’s always been super protective of you, so use it to your advantage.” She smirked.

“He’s no more protective of me than he is of any other of his friends, and I don’t know if attempting to make him jealous is a good idea, Lia. I think it would backfire on me. I think I should just see where things take me, and hope it works out in my favor. You know I believe that if it is meant to be, it will find its own way. Attempting to fight your fate never works out in your favor. God, that makes me sound like a drugged out hippie.” I giggled.

“Yes, it does, Rowan. If I’ve told you this once, I’ve told you a million times. You really are wise beyond your years; you always have been. Don’t let this fucked up situation mess with your head though. You’ll figure it out. You’ve got your shit together.” Lia wrapped her arms her arms around me in a tight hug.

“I know I will. I think I’m going to go take a nap. I don’t function with 4 hours of sleep. Even coffee isn’t helping.” I yawned.

“Alright, well I’ll be around all day if you want help packing or anything when you get up. Sleep well, Row.” She said, grabbing her massive textbook, and beginning to read again.
As I curled up in bed, I started thinking. I really need to take my own advice sometimes. I’m not going to try to force things to happen between Gabe and I… but if it does happen, I most certainly won’t object. These next 4 weeks are going to be an experience, that’s for sure.