Honest Eyes

9/5/2011

“Come on, Dez… Where the hell are you?” I muttered as I paced in front of baggage claim. “You’re plane should have landed half an hour ago. Even your slow ass should be out here by now. Steven is going to massacre me if I lose his girlfriend.” I giggled, shaking my head.

“There will be no need for massacring, darling. I have arrived!” I heard a voice I would have known anywhere called from behind me. I spun around to meet the eyes of Miss Desiree Alexander, the chick who had managed to capture my favorite drummer’s heart. I stepped forward to hug her tightly. “And the reason you couldn’t find me dear? You were at the wrong baggage claim.” She smirked, her snakebites glinting.

“Oh hush. This place is fucking massive and totally possible to get lost in. Be glad I’m even in the right place. I don’t understand why they decide to send directionally challenged me to pick you up… Never the less, onward we go!” I started off toward what I assumed was the exit.

“Love, you do know you are going the wrong way, right? The exit is this way.” Desiree called, indicating the complete opposite directions I was heading.

“Right, totally knew that. I was just testing you.” I said grabbing one of her bags. “Let’s get to the grounds before they send a search party to find us.” And yes, that was totally something the boys would do.

“Sure, Row. Come on, I haven’t seen my boyfriend in too damn long.” She linked her arm with mine, and steered me in the right direction.

“As happy as I am to see you, I can’t help but wish Steven could have picked me up. Damn the organizers for not letting him out of sound check. Oh well, gives us time to catch up on girly shit without the guys listening in… fucking gossips.” She told me as we walked outside and quickly found a cab. She poked her head in to make sure he could take us where we needed to go, and we threw her bags in the back. It was about a half hour drive to the grounds, so we had time to kill.

“So how’ve you been, girl? It’s been what, a year, since I’ve seen you?” She asked, settling into the seat.

“Right about that, yeah. I’ve been… okay, I guess. I finished high school a semester early, and I’ve been doing online classes for journalism. I live with my cousin, Thalia, now. Shit has certainly changed.” I sighed.

“You didn’t mention the most important thing. What’s going on with you and Gabe? Steve said you’ve been acting closer than normal lately.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively.

“God, I wish. He’s so damned confusing… My first night on the bus, night before last, I could have sworn he was going to finally kiss me. He acts like we are together in every way except the physical… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I wish he would just see what is right in front of him, Dez. I know he’s it for me, but it’s so fucking frustrating.” I ranted and hung my head in my hands.

“Love, I know it’s tough. Believe me, guys are dense. You and Gabe are so good together… don’t give up on him though, love. Your heart is right on this one, you’ve just got to let him see it. You know Gabe refuses to rush anything; that’s just how it is. This will all work out. You’ll see.” She said, petting my hair.

“I know, and I’ve told myself that a million times. I curse him sometimes. For fucks sake, I’ve been waiting since we were like twelve.” I ignored the strange looks the cabbie driver was giving me in the rear-view mirror. “Mind your own business, dude.” I told him, glaring. Quickly, he averted his eyes, and turned up the radio.

“That wasn’t very nice, Rowan. But you’ve not exactly been waiting on Gabe. You’ve dated other guys and I know you aren’t a virgin. Explain?” I swore her brown eyes could see through me.

“I tried to get over Gabe, to be content with just being his best friend. I made the mistake of thinking I was in love with someone. It was such a mistake. Cody was an asshole. He treated me like shit all the time, and the bastard cheated on me so many times. He was sleeping with a jailbait whore, and it was the last straw in my book. I couldn’t deal with the mind games anymore. He wasn’t worth it, and I went running back into Gabe’s arms. I realized then I would never get over him. He was everything I wanted in a guy, and completely irreplaceable. My heart had been his since I was old enough to give it.” I smiled wryly, thinking back to the time I had went to visit Gabe right after Cody and I had called it quits.

“Wait, that fucker cheated on you? Where the fuck does he live? I’ll go beat some sense into him myself. You don’t mess with my girl. It’s good that you realized you love Gabe though, Row. We’ve got 4 weeks to get you guys together. It shall be my mission. Oh, I love playing matchmaker.” She grinned at me.

“Yes, Dez, he cheated. You don’t have to worry about him though. After I found out he cheated, I went all crazy bitch on his truck. The lead pipe I keep in the back of my car did about ten grand in damage to his baby. Best of all, no one knew I did it, because I was in New York with the guys when they found it. He’s now in Marine Corps basic training, and I’ve not spoken to him since. I’m not sure about getting Gabe and I together though. I’ve talked about it with Lia, and I just don’t see it working. I’m the best friend, nothing more,” I pulled away and leaned my head against the cool glass window.

“You, my friend, are a crazy bitch, but I love you. I’m going to watch you with Gabe though. I’ve seen how you guys were as just friends, and I want to see what Steven told me about. If it is meant to be though, it will happen. No stressing about it. Just relax, and be you. Ignore his crazy moods… guys fucking PMS more than we do. You’ll get through this. Just live it up, and live in the moment, darling.” She giggled, and ruffled my hair.

“I’m trying to not let it affect me, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t hard. Whatever, I guess.” I attempted to shrug off the heavy weight of depression that bore down on my shoulders. I was doing my best not to dwell on things I couldn’t change.

“Come on, dear. Cheer the fuck up!” Dez cheered as we pulled into the parking lot of the venue. Dragging her and her luggage, I tugged her in the direction of the bus.

“Come on, dearest. The guys should be done with soundcheck and setting up our booth by now, and you know Steven is waiting to fuck your brains out, but please fuck when I’m not around to hear it That would just be creepy as hell.” I shuddered as I weaved around buses to find the one we needed.

“I think I may try to oblige you… but probably not. It’s been three damn months since I’ve seen him.” She smirked.

“I don’t even want to hear it. I’ve not been laid since Cody and I broke up, so yeah. Six months owns your three.” I muttered as I stopped in front of the bus. “You go ahead and go in. I think I’m just going to go ahead to the merch booth. Gates open in 20 minutes and I have shit to organize. Don’t worry about helping me until they go on… I know you want to see him.” I told her with a smile. Truthfully, I just didn’t think I could stomach seeing them being all cute and shit. My emotions were crazy. There had been too much talk of feelings and love the past few days, and I felt raw from it.

“You sure, Row? I don’t care at all. I came to help you.” She asked, but I could see the hope in her eyes. I’d done it by myself for 2 days already. One more wouldn’t kill me.

“Yeah love, I’m positive. Go see your man.” I told her with a smile before shoving her toward the door. She opened it and ran through it and I turned to walk away. I heard her overjoyed laughter and smiled… At least someone could be happy.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“That was really something, Row.” I heard Gabe’s voice as I finished up with a customer. The kid’s eyes got huge as he realized who Gabe was. I’d never gotten used to people freaking out because he was ‘famous’.

“I have no idea of what you’re talking about, Gabriel.” I made the guy’s change, and tried to ignore Gabe’s presence at my back.

“Man, I’d hate to bother you and your girl, but would you care to sign this really quickly?” The guy asked. Haplessly, Gabe pulled a sharpie out of his pocket and scribbled on the shirt. “Thanks, man.” The guy looked deliriously happy as he got his shirt back.

“No problem, dude.” Gabe smiled and nodded at the kid. As he left, he turned to me, “Row, you are too good sometimes. You help everyone else, and never expect a thing in return. You can let others take care of you sometimes, too, babe. I’m going to even when you hate it. ” He told me wrapping his arm around me in a tight hug. I squeezed him back and relished all the little moments like these I could get.

“It really wasn’t even that big of a deal to me…” I muttered, my face pressed against his chest. Damn, he smelled amazing.

“But to her, it was. I brought you something. Knowing you, you’ve not eaten at all today. Am I right?” Guiltily, my stomach let out a loud growl; his look was smug. “I figured as much. I also know you have an addiction to General Tso’s chicken and Code Red Mountain Dew.” He grabbed a takeout bag from a back table. Sure enough, my beloved Chinese food beckoned along with Gabe’s favorite, Mongolian Beef.

“Eating with me then?” I asked hopefully. I’d been bored to tears between people all day long. No one wanted to be sociable and actually have a conversation with me today it seemed.

“Of course I am. Do you think I’d attempt to eat fried rice with chopsticks with anyone but you? No.” He laughed, and I couldn’t help but giggle. Gabe attempting to eat with chopsticks was an utterly hilarious epic fail. He normally wore more of it than he ate.

“You didn’t need to do this, you know.” I told him as I dug into my food with gusto, not realizing how hungry I’d been. “I appreciate it, I do, but something from catering would have been fine too.”

“You’ve never let me spoil you at all. If I can do something as small as bringing you one of your favorite foods, I’m going to do it. I like the way you smile when you’re happy. I like being the one to put that smile on your face even more.” Our eyes locked and held for a few seconds as I absorbed his words. He took my hand, brought it to his lips, and pressed a kiss against the back of it. “You mean more to me than you’ll ever know, Rowan.” I pulse sped up significantly, and I was pretty sure he could feel it where held my hand.

“I could say the same thing about you, Gabe. You really should be this sweet more often. A girl could get used to it too easily.” I joked, trying to hide the blush that fought its way up my neck and cheeks. Thank god for my olive skin tone, otherwise I’d have resembled a tomato.

“Only for you, mi cielo. Only for you.” He winked at me as he let go of my hand and stabbed a piece of beef with a chopstick.

“And you’re even breaking out the Spanish endearments on me? You’re certainly a smooth one.” I told him before massacring my chicken. The good thing about being head over heels for your best friend? You never had to worry about being ladylike around them. They have seen you at your best and your worst, and are nonjudgmental if you eat like a pig.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Hey Row, are you coming out with us tonight?” Dez asked later that night as I sat at the table in my pajamas, glasses perched upon the end of my nose.

I rubbed my neck as I looked up from the heavy textbook that sat on the table along with my laptop and tons of papers. “I can’t, dear. I’ve got to catch up on school work. I’ve got deadlines coming up.” My head was pounding and I was too tired to function properly.

“I’m sorry, love. What about you, Gabe?” She asked him. He sat across from me, my bare feet in his lap. His nimble fingers were attacking the knots of stress in my feet and calves.

“Nah, I think I’ll stay here and keep Row company.” He answered, not looking up from his own laptop where he was watching what sounded like Supernatural. Dez’s smirk was massive as she raised an eyebrow at me.

“Have fun, you two.” Steven’s smirk matched his girlfriends as he wrapped an arm around her waist and led her out of the room. Gabe and I sat in contented silence for the next hour or so, both of us doing our own thing. It never troubled me for us not to talk. I was just happy to know he was there. I broke our relative silence when I turned my head, my neck cracking like a bowl of rice crispies.

“Damn, Row. That doesn’t sound good.” Gabe said, meeting my eyes. Grimacing, I rolled my neck and shoulders, attempting to rid myself of the knots.

“It’s not, but I’m used to it. Stress does horrible things to my body. I feel so damned old all the time.” I took my hair out of its messy bun, and ran my fingers along my scalp to get rid of my headache.

“That’s not healthy, baby. Come with me. You’ve done enough for tonight. We’re lying down and you are getting some sleep. You look fucking exhausted.” He told me, standing up and pulling me out of the booth.

“I can’t yet, Gabe. I’m so behind. My deadlines are next week. I’ve still got a million things to do.” I said, trying to wiggle my way out of his grasp.

“That wasn’t a suggestion. Start taking some of it with you to work on during the day since you’ll have Desiree to help with merch. There is no way you should stress like this.” He ordered, picking me up and hauling me back to my bunk. “If I put you down, will you run away?” Damn him for knowing me so well.

“I couldn’t make it past you even if I tried.” I admitted bitterly. Gently, he sat my feet on the ground. He climbed in my bunk and I grudgingly crawled in beside him. It took some serious maneuvering to get comfortable. I ended up being cuddled; Gabe being the big spoon to my little spoon, his arm draped over my waist.

“Talk to me when you start stressing like this, Row. There is no reason for you to be so stressed out.” Gabe muttered into my hair, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on my hip where my tank top had rode up. I tried to ignore the shudders wracking my body.

“I feel like I’m too blessed to nag to you about this shit when you’ve got a bunch of shit on your plate already. You guys brought me on this tour and are paying me to do merch. I would feel like a bum to do school work when I’m supposed to work.” I nibbled my lip, glad he couldn’t see my face.

“School comes first, babe; you know that. Between you and Dez, merch will be covered. We know you aren’t a freeloader, so don’t worry about it. Stop stressing about it. I hate it when you get this way. Just relax.” His hand was now running along the curve of my side.

“But….” I started to voice my complaints.

“No fucking buts, Rowan. Chill out. Relax. Just focus on being here with me right now. Everything else can wait until the morning.” He said, rolling me over and kissing my forehead. He began to sing an old lullaby that both our moms used to sing to us when we were little. Soon enough, exhaustion overtook me, and I was sound asleep.