Your Love Is the Sweetest Sin

I don’t feel like entering Biology class, the teacher is a bitch with me, it won’t make any difference if I stay in the bleachers, but what am I going to do? Not eat, not homework, not walk around like an idiot, maybe I could call Sisky to see how things are going, I pull out the phone and dial, I wait patiently but why does it take him so long to answer? I start tapping my feet to a random beat.

“Hello my love!” I scream with a sugary voice

“Natalie?”

“You’re not Sisky” I frown looking down “And you don’t seem happy to talk with me”

“Sorry, but I didn’t expect you to call, and I’m a million times better than that little boy”

“Carden! I’m very resented with you, why didn’t you call? You promised you would”

“I’m sorry girl, we’ve been really busy, this is going to be a kickass album so we need to take our time”

“It better be; how’s Florida treating you?”

“It’s pretty cool, the clubs are pretty cool. Anything new with you?”

“Not really, dad gave me a car and people are always asking if I’m ok” I fall in silence “I need him” My voice cracks and tears start filling my eyes, I shut my eyes holding them back “It’s driving me crazy ”

“Please don’t cry, we all miss the ones we left behind, just hold on a few more weeks Natalie, it’s going to be over soon”

“No! I want him back!” I get up in a jump and pace “ You can’t just say everything is going to be ok, I need him, what if he doesn’t love me, I’m afraid I might do something stupid” I sigh, finally I can talk about this

“Calm down girl, I can assure you he needs you the same way, he’s heels over head for you, he always brings you to a conversation” His voice tone changes, I can tell he is smoking “But by stupid what do you mean?”

“I love him like you’ve got no idea, and I need to feel that I am loved back, you see I’ve been spending a lot of time with a guy and-“

“You cheated?! How could you? Sisky doesn’t deserve that!”

“NO! No, I didn’t but I’m afraid I may”

“Listen, it’s better if you stay away from that guy, Sisky isn’t that happy either, he needs you as well”

I let the tears stroll down my face, “Do you think you could get him on the phone?”

“I guess so, please don’t hurt him and remember we love you”

“I won’t Carden, thanks and take care” With my left hand I wipe the bitter drops away and pull out a huge smile regardless the fact he can’t see me

“Natty what’s up?” A husky voice tells me he just woke up

“Just missing my boyfriend, what about you?” I smile placing my hand in my pocket and eyes in the dancing clouds

“Missing my girlfriend” He chuckles and I blush, why do I feel like this? I’ve always tried to deny these butterflies that are filling my insides but the feeling that he causes in me is stronger “the recording is going pretty well, the city is beautiful but not as you”

“I need you back Adam”

“I miss you too Natalie but five weeks more weeks and it will be over”

“I need to feel you close to me” I cry, this isn’t easy, I’m sure I love him but I don’t know what’s wrong with me, “I need to feel that you love me, the house is cold, I need your warmth”

“Sweetie don’t cry please, I’m not worth your tears” How can he possibly think that, he’s the most loving man ever, “I need you too, the other guys have been receiving visits from their girls, what if you come for some days?”

I start pacing involuntary smiling up at the blue sheet over me “Are you serious?”

“Why would I joke? I miss you and I need to see that beautiful smile”

“What about the guys?”

“They love you and a couple of days with you won’t hurt”

“Ok, you’ll see me there soon”

“I need you; I’ve been too long without sex”

I giggle “I love you too”

“See you soon sweetie, love you” Those words spin in my head making my heart swell, I keep the goofy smile on my face as I push my phone back to my pocket

“Boy trouble?” I turn around to a guy with dark hair curly hair, staring at me

“Who the hell are you and why did you hear my conversation?”

“It’s hard not to hear it when you’re practically screaming” I can’t argue about that because it’s true “You are too pretty to cry for a boy” I roll my eyes and turn away

“It’s none of your business, stop bugging in” I walk away but he follows “Stay away from me!”

“I have something that could help you” Curious is stronger than me so I turn around, he smiles widely and he hands out a bottle of vodka smiling “We can fix that, I’m Seth and a bit of alcohol running through your body won’t hurt”

“Sweetheart, take this as a favor” He leaves placing the bottle in front of me, I watch him run away, now that dude is weird, a bottle isn’t bad, just a sip, I take the bottle and head home, fuck school.

I stand in front of the mirror analyzing myself, well I’m definitely not ugly, but I have a sick aspect, there are dark circles around my eyes, my skin looks paler than usual and I think I’ve been losing weigh. This room is actually comforting; the moments shared with Sisky invade my mind running like a film, his voice echoing, and pictures of us dancing in my head as I drown myself in vodka. I put my head on the mirror; a knock on the door? No it’s just my imagination, again the knock; I smash my head on the mirror, I stumble to the door still holding the drink.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Was the first thing that crossed my mind

“I’m glad to see you too” His smile grows

“I’m sorry Jason but I’m not-” He steps in kissing my forehead “I t-think it’s better if you l-leave, I’m no good company” I follow him to the living room

“Are you ok?” His eyes find mine for a moment, I look away

“Yes, I’m perfect, now if you d-don’t mind I need to sleep”

“You’re drunk right?”

Did the floor just move or what? I place my hands in my head, way too much light in this room “No, I’m just tired”

“Please don’t lie, tell me why are you like this?”

This isn’t ok, I’ve never felt like this “It’s nothing, just leave me”

“No, now give me that!” He takes the drink from my hand

“Hey what are you doing?” I try to get it back but fail miserably

“Fine! But just leave me alone” I start walking and it seems that the floor is moving, the walls are blurry and this is place starting to get dark.