His Fingertips Have Memories

Bob sat at the kitchen table, downing a beer, as he decided whether or not to listen to Krista’s message. God, everything was going so well with the guys. He was actually happy for a few hours. But now it was back to reality. Back to his pathetic life. Back from pretending everything was fine.

Fuck it, he thought. He didn’t have to call her back, right? It’d be the right thing to do, but he was beyond caring at this point. It might be selfish, but all he wanted was to be happy, he couldn’t take this on going misery. Unfortunately, if that meant hurting Krista, so be it.

Bob reluctantly walked over to his bedroom where his answering machine was. He pressed the play button and listened to the message. Krista’s voice filled his empty house. It burnt his ears and sent pain to his heart. He really did care about Krista. It was obvious she was crying, or had been.

“Bob? Bob are you there? Please answer me. Please pick up the phone, what’s going on? Are you okay? Talk to me, please. I want to help; I’m really worried about you. Everything was going great, or at least I thought it was. Bob, please I love you so much. I want to help, don’t shut me out, okay? We really need to talk about everything. Bob…”

Bob laid down on his bed and pulled his pillow over his head and screamed. He screamed so loud, he was sure the neighbors could hear. He stopped screaming and regained his sanity. Bob sighed as he pulled on a jacket and his shoes and headed for the door.

At first he wasn’t sure where he was driving, and drove around aimlessly for half an hour. Finally he ended up at Krista’s apartment and knocked on the door. A smile spread across her face as she saw Bob standing in her doorway, he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Bob,” she said, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. They walked into her apartment.

“I got your message,” he said.

“Oh that,” she said, waving her hand dismissively, “that was just me having an episode, it was nothing.”

“Krista,” he said slowly, “we have to talk.” She nodded as she bit her lip.

Bob turned off the TV, as they sat on the living room couch. Bob was struggling on what to say, mostly because he didn’t even know what he wanted to do or how he felt.

“I haven’t seen you in forever,” said Krista “Is everything okay?”

“Well, you know that Amy came back to town…” he began. She nodded as she looked away. “I sort of just lost it.” Bob brushed pieces of her hair out of her face. “I just need time to think and figure things out.”

Krista shook her head. “Bob, if you loved me, you wouldn’t have to think about it or figure anything out. You’d just know. I love you, and I know that for a fact, but I’m not going to sit around and wait for you forever. I deserve someone who’s going to be there for me all the time, not someone who gets one stupid phone call and disappears for days. I know that you and Amy went through a lot, but I’m not going to live my life trying to compete with her for you.” Her eyes were filled with tears.

“Krista, I really don’t know what to say.” She just shrugged and started at her coffee table, not looking at Bob. He felt like such a shit. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered as a tear fell down her cheek. “You’re right. You deserve someone who’s always going to be there for you. You deserve someone so much better than me, someone who’ll love you with all of their heart, and I’m so sorry I can’t be that guy.”

Bob went to brush hair out her face that fell from her ear, but she turned away at his touch. “I think you should go,” said Krista quietly.

“Okay,” he said, standing up. “I hope you find that guy Krista, I really do.” He turned and walked to the door.

“Bob, wait,” she said, running over to the door. She flung her arms around his neck and he squeezed her waist.

She was slightly crying onto his shoulder.

“I’m so, so sorry Krista.”

“I hope you find her Bob. Because you deserve to be happy too, you’re an amazing guy and I hope you can find a girl that loves you the way you deserve to be loved,” she whispered. She cleared her throat and loosened her grip, Bob let go. “Bye,” she said.

“Bye,” said Bob as he turned and left her apartment building.

Bob got into his car, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulder, but a new one was their too replace it. What if Amy was the only girl he could love? Would he be alone for the rest of his life? Krista was an amazing girl and he loved her but not enough. Why? Why couldn’t he love her? What was wrong with him? He didn’t even know if Amy had the slightest interest in him, was he destined to be a crazy old lonely man with 30 cats?

He sighed and ended up driving to Marissa’s house. He parked in front and rang the door bell. She answered and smiled at the sight of him.

“Bobbie,” she said warmly. He rolled his eyes as he walked in. They sat at the kitchen table were Marissa stuffed her face with ice cream. Bob smiled.

“Where are the guys?” he asked looking around her alarmingly quiet house.

“Conner took Tommy to this 'Daddy-And-Me' class,” she replied.

“Isn’t it ‘Mommy-And-Me'?”

“They have both,” she said, paying more attention to her snack.

Bob let out a soft chuckle. “Already?” he asked, eyeing her ice cream.

She nodded, still not paying much attention to him.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Eh, morning sickness is worse this time around then it was with Tommy, and I’m getting fat! Just after I lost the weight from Tommy!”

“Well you could stop having so many damn children.”

“Yeah, like me and Connor and going to stop having sex. You’re a funny depressed little shit, you know that?” Bob rolled his eyes. “So, are you still depressed these days?”

“Donno, I just broke up with Krista.” Marissa practically chocked on her ice cream.

“You dumb fuck!” she shouted, “What the hell is wrong with you?! Krista was perfect for you!”

“Chill woman, I just—I don’t know. I loved her, but not completely.” Marissa glared at him.

“If you think I’m letting you get back together with Amy you have another thing coming, because I absolutely forbid you to have anything to do with her.”

Bob snorted, “And when did you become my mother?”

“I’m serious! She’s a fucking bitch, and I will kill her if you even talk to her.”

“Oh, I’m scared,” said Bob sarcastically. Marissa put down her ice cream and put her hand on Bob’s arm.

“Bobbie, I’m serious. I don’t want you getting hurt, again. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes.”

“She wasn’t a mistake,” said Bob angrily.

“Oh, Bob I know. But still. Just please stay away from her, I hate her and she’s not good for you! She’s just going to hurt you.”

“Whatever, I have to go,” said Bob getting up to leave.

“Bob,” said Marissa rolling her eyes, “Don’t be mad. I’m just looking out for you.”

“Right. Bye,” he said, as he gave her a small hug and left.

Bob got into his car more confused than ever. He knew Amy wasn’t a mistake, but was she worth getting his heart ripped out a second time? Of course she was, if Bob learned anything from today, it was that he was completely in love with Amy and nothing could change that. But where would he go from there?